1 week suspension for fighting

[mumofblu]

My dd hit her ex bf in school
I absolutely agree she should not have done this and a punishment is required .

They split in may but he has continued to be in contact out of school and chat . I hear them in her room .

While they were together their were lots of concerns and the school ( teacher ) was very open in their surprise that my dd ( good grades , motivated , great pupil ) would be with someone like him .

They were together 7 months . I called social services on him because I saw heavy bruising on her upper arms and she finally admitted were him not being very nice .

Anyway yesterday in school she hit him after he ignored her and he has been telling others that she won't leave him alone and is obsessed with him . But he calls her and chats for hours on the phone .

I have told the school this and the teacher described this boy is manipulating but it seems everything is falling on my dd and not where this boy is

Yes she is absolutely wrong to hit anyone but the background of why she is such a state regarding this boys behaviour to her is not being looked at .

Should we just accept the punishment without raising the issues of why ?

• the victim finally responds (not the autocorrect version of that!)

The teachers in school are there to teach your daughter and others. They are not there to police her dodgy relationship choices. Punishment appears appropriate in my opinion.

Thank you @autocollantes .
That's exactly how I see the pattern of behaviour my dd is in .

when their relationship started the teacher warned me she had a bf in school , asked me if we had met him , we had , asked me if we had any concerns , not initially , then this teacher actually broke confidence by saying " watch him , you haven't got the full experience of him yet , she's a nice girl it's surprising she's chosen him .
I remember that so well afterwards with what came , but tbh I also wondered if it was a teacher with a bit of a grudge against a child . I thought it was v odd and quite unprofessional at the time .

I think the school have done what they had to . This teacher was really kind to me when telling me , he said they know he has manipulated her into this , that this is not a punishment as such it is time for her to get specialised support in understating how to get help in the future if she feels like she is in this position and not learn that violence is the answer . I agree with this .

She came out of school yesterday v subdued and said she knew what would happen . She said after that week she would have done all the sanctions and it would be a fresh start no behaviours . She seems v sad . She fell hard because he was the school hard boy , but soft with her in the beginning. And he love bombed her and made her feel special . Then he turned , jealous , controlling , playing with her emotions . All seems like minor teenage stuff untill you see your Dd self harming , running away to find him , bruised and being accosted by him outside the house when she's arranged to see a friend . He also befriended her friends outside of school so he could be with her all the time . One evening she came out with me and left her phone at home . When we got back he had left messages demanding to know where she was , he didn't believe her and she actually asked me to tell him over speakerphone . I refused saying I wasn't going to do that as he should trust what she said and he shouldn't be checking on her like that .

The school know all this because I've kept them informed.

And ignoring someone is passive aggressive especially when you are contacting them outside school telling them they are still important .

I didn't know the term reactive abuse but that describes what I meant . I'm going to pass this onto school for their information . I have a good relationship with school , and they have been great with my Dd .

Interesting she has been asking to work in isolation the week before this incident . I now think she was trying to take protective measures against what's going on .

Thankyou so much

Thanks @craver

Luckily the school don't see it your way , they have been excellent up to now at recognising and protecting her from an abuser . But she's only just 15 and has reacted back for the first time and learning a hard lesson that aggression is not the solution .

My dd was and is a grade A student whose teachers speak v highly off .