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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

12 year old asking to hang with 14 - 15 year olds

36 replies

skgnome · 13/10/2022 19:04

I know every kid is different and end of day is my rules… just checking what others think, will do
My almost 12yo meet a group of 14-15yo on comic-con, they all love the same games/anime - they seemed nice and innocent (for teens) kids
group of kids knows each other from school, my 12yo goes to a different school - they said they hang on the park all the time and invited my 12yo to hang with them
they are not precisely local (20-30 mins) bus ride (other side of town)
my 12yo wants to hang with them on Halloween (after school) - I’m not convinced about it, but don’t know if I’m being overprotective or not
just wondering what others would think?

OP posts:
Pancakeschoc · 19/10/2022 05:13

I wouldn’t risk it. That’s a big age gap at that age and hanging in the park with kids that you’ve met for the first time on Halloween. I’m quite laid back but seems like a bad idea.

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 19/10/2022 05:15

Bloody hell no

PurplePositivity · 19/10/2022 05:35

It'd be a no from me.

PurBal · 19/10/2022 05:38

I don’t see the age gap as a problem. Most of my friends growing up went to a different school and were 2+ years older, we met at a youth group. But obviously want to take measures to keep DC safe. Speak to parents, drop off/pick up, etc

Joystir59 · 19/10/2022 05:39

No. They are too much older and at a different stage in terms of what they are allowed to do.

Pung · 19/10/2022 05:44

So, actually an 11 year old hanging round a park on Halloween with a bunch of older teens?

Lol no

orbitalcrisis · 19/10/2022 05:47

I don't see the problem. My son went to an 18th birthday party when he was 11, they wouldn't have invited him if it was going to be the wrong type of party! The same goes with this, if they're the sort of teens who are rebelling, they wouldn't want to hang out with a 12 year old!

Speedweed · 19/10/2022 05:55

I'm with @Pung on this one. No way!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 19/10/2022 06:08

I have an almost 12 yo and a 15 yo. They really aren't at the stage stage of life. My 15yo is pretty boring and inoffensive as teenagers go but wouldn't want to hang around with someone that young. I'd be concerned about their motives and I don't think any almost 12 yo is mature enough to cope if the meeting doesn't go well. In a year or two the age gap won't be an issue but for now it would be a no from me.

eish · 19/10/2022 06:14

A year 7 with year 10's. No from me. My DD was scared by some older children on Halloween in year 7. If your child felt uncomfortable (not necessarily with that group), would they be able to tell them they were freaked out?

The difference with what 11 year olds and 15 year olds do is different. My dd had an online friend, same age gap and I noticed she wasn't talking about her anymore (they had a real life link through cousins but had never net) and she said, 'no mum I realised how weird it was with such a big age gap and in real life it wouldn't work.'

Sux2buthen · 19/10/2022 06:17

orbitalcrisis · 19/10/2022 05:47

I don't see the problem. My son went to an 18th birthday party when he was 11, they wouldn't have invited him if it was going to be the wrong type of party! The same goes with this, if they're the sort of teens who are rebelling, they wouldn't want to hang out with a 12 year old!

I'm not sure you're the best person to advise after reading that tbhBlush

NorthStarRising · 19/10/2022 06:29

What’s the amime/manga that they share an interest in?

RinklyRomaine · 19/10/2022 06:57

Definitely not. With respect, an awful lot of anime and the surrounding culture is VERY unsuitable for children. An 11 year old is a child. A 15yo is at a totally different stage, and hanging around a park on Halloween? I'm amazed you'd even ask!

ahunf · 19/10/2022 07:03

Nope!!

My dd is 12.

LynetteScavo · 19/10/2022 07:12

No. Sorry, your DS is going to think you're being really unreasonable, but just no.

JustBkind · 19/10/2022 07:17

Definitely not. Unthinkable!

Foolsandtheirmoney · 19/10/2022 07:21

My ds had a few friends that were a few years older when he was that age. He knew them from his very small primary school though. They are all neurodivergent and seemed to gravitate towards each other. I was fine with that. I wouldn't be fine with random 14 year olds and meeting in the park.

orbitalcrisis · 19/10/2022 07:49

@Sux2buthen Really? You think if they are going to go on a bender for their birthday they are going to invite a friend's year 7 little brother? Half the adults in attendance were teachers, the other half social workers. It wasn't a rave it was a disco in village hall where even the adults weren't drinking so it was tamer than my children's 5th birthday parties where I offered wine and vodka jelly and ice cream! Rule 1) drop them off, rule 2) ask questions.

KitchenSupper · 19/10/2022 07:52

Offer to invite one or two of them to your house to get to know them better instead?

FrancescaContini · 19/10/2022 07:53

You’re kidding, right?

AlwaysLatte · 19/10/2022 07:58

I have two boys those ages and they get on well and like some of the same things but developmentally they're different. I'd be discouraging it anyway but the bus ride too would be a big no for me. Could he see if his school would be interested in setting up a lunchtime club? There might be more people his own age that he can connect with.

AlwaysLatte · 19/10/2022 07:59

I don't see the problem. My son went to an 18th birthday party when he was 11
Did you let him go?? đź«Ł

Thurst · 19/10/2022 08:00

The problem is you don’t know of it will be okay or not. My daughter has some older friends and some younger (my friends children they’ve grown up with) and they all get on great. No issues with any of the teenagers leading anyone astray. However, I know these kids really well and you don’t know the older friends of your child at all and you can’t really hang about with them to check them out.

PeekAtYou · 19/10/2022 08:05

if they're the sort of teens who are rebelling, they wouldn't want to hang out with a 12 year old! You can't see a situation where older "rebels" enjoy frightening the younger child with scary stuff or manipulates them into egging etc?

Children 2 years apart can be friends but you don't know the parents or kids. If you want to get to know the kids better try hosting the get togethers. They won't want to sit down with you to discuss your favourite anime but you'll get a sense of the dynamics

orbitalcrisis · 19/10/2022 08:22

@PeekAtYou She has met them and nerds are not usually the type, but I suppose it could happen. Good idea to have them round before, find out a bit more about them and what they have planned for that afternoon.