Morning routine 13 yo DS

[Moominmama79]

This might not seem like a big issue but it's starting to drive me insane 😤 My ds takes forever with his morning routine. School mornings are the worst and it's the time he takes that frustrates me the most. He is in the bathroom for 35 minutes every morning just having a wash and brushing his teeth. I've watched him some mornings to see why it's taking so long and it's like he has to gear himself up to to do anything. He fills the sink but then will stand for a few minutes like he's mentally preparing himself before he actually starts doing anything. He takes him time with every step of face washing and will stop between each thing. Fill the sink, stop. Wet his face, stop. Put on face wash, stop. His routine has made him late for school and me late for work many times because I can't get in the bathroom until he's finished. We've tried getting up earlier but he refuses to wash etc until a certain time so that doesn't help. If I ask him to hurry or if he's nearly done that apparently puts him off and he has to empty the sink and restart 🙄 I've tried a timer which he ignores and takes his time anyway. To brush his teeth, wash his face and get dressed takes around 45 minutes. He's staying with my mum next month for a few days whilst I'm away and I really want him to have a better/quicker morning routine before then. Any tips please??

I think you need to separate your routine out and leave him to it. Can you just say - okay if you are late for school we start having some punishments - screen time taken away etc, but Im not nagging you anymore.

Then brush your teeth in the kitchen or whatever you need to do to avoid using the bathroom at that time.

Tbh I’m in the standing back camp op. If he is late to school he will have consequences. With my ds school is strict - 2 strikes in one half term equals detention. As it is I get ds up around 7 ish then shower, dress and breakfast. I lay out breakfast and clothes plus bag he does night before. He leaves about 7 50. He has a mile walk with friends and has to be in the deaf centre before 830 for systems check and equipment collection.

Does it matter that he takes that long as long as he leaves on time?

Watch out for OCD - the rigidity of this routine is unusual. Starting at a specific time, having to restart if he's put off in any way. Classic beginnings of OCD. Doing things until they 'feel right' or something bad will happen. I'd guess there's a ton of anxiety that he's dealing with.

I say this as someone who was diagnosed with OCD at 18.

I agree that this sounds like OCD and dealing with anxiety - my son has the same and went through various different strange routines before school.

At 17 he now gets out of bed at the last possible moment and is often late but I think it's his way of dealing with the ocd and not having time to perform the rituals before school.

It will be hard to change his habits but as someone else has written, if he's late for school there will be consequences and that should hopefully help him to alter his morning routine. If it doesn't, speak to the school and/or access support.

Or it may just be a phase - watch closely! Best of luck.

Your DS does sound the opposite of many teenagers of his age who often rush through the morning routine with as little time as possible, most of time with a lot of grunts and grumble as morning is not really their best time.

Can you get up before him and use the bathroom, then leave him to it?

My 12yo DS can be slow in the mornings a bit like this- sitting down between each thing he needs to do etc. However, he knows if he wants a lift to the place he goes before school, he has to be sitting in my car at 7.15am. If he isn't, he walks. That usually keeps him moving.