16yr DS still not trying at school - anyone got any advice/experience?

[TroubledMum100]

My DS has some learning difficulties but he's well supported. He makes friends easily and is happy and secure at school. He's living his best life at his new school - goes to parties, likes his A level subjects, likes his teachers but he just won't try properly at school. He thinks it's an achievement just to do the homework (and often fails at this) - he can also be disruptive in class (stupid stuff but irritating for teachers). He just doesn't seem to take it seriously and his grades are predictably going down each week. He has lofty ambitions for life but doesn't have a set goal like going to uni but with this work ethic I'm not sure he'd have anything to contribute in the workplace! He isn't making the connection between effort and his future despite multiple chats. I'm terrified one day he'll wake up - school will be a thing of the past and literally he'll have nothing - all his mates will be gone to study/jobs and then the penny will drop.

Has anyone got any advice or was anyone like this at this age and changed for some reason? All thoughts welcome.

I wish someone had explained to me the exact link between school to university, and then university to work. I'm in my 40s and still regret my shitty A-levels which lead to a crap degree at a crap university, which limit my choices now.

I genuinely didn't realise at the time that it mattered.

I won't put up with silly or disruptive behaviour in my 6th f lessons. He'd get a warning or two and then I'd send him back to the common room for the lesson - he would have to make the notes up himself later. It's not ok.

As for the rest, he won't last the course with a levels if he doesn't do the hw. There is an immense amount to assimilate and it can't all be got through in class. So he will be forced to drop out sooner or later if he doesn't find his form. Would he be better on a less academic pathway perhaps? He may be more committed if he finds the work more interesting and/or can see its relevance.

Disruptive behaviour and low effort need separating.

Disruption has an impact on the rest of the class so needs to stop now.

Low effort is his choice. Yes it's a shit choice but once he's been told low effort = shit grades then there's not much more to do. You can lead the horse to water but not make it drink.

what are his ‘lofty ambitions’?
I wonder if an apprenticeship would work better for him? Or the new T levels that are more work/skills based -A levels aren’t for everyone and if he’s not committed and messing about then he’s not going to pass them anyhow. What subjects is he studying?

I was like this as a teenager; I have ADHD..I wasn't diagnosed at that age and parents and teachers kept telling me I wasting my time/life - I didn't care, it's all about the 'now' with ADHD kids! I was also quite immature which is a definite thing with ADHD kids (research has found they're around a third younger mentally and emotionally than their biological age) so just didn't get it at all, even while most of my peers were buckling down.

Best advice I can give is to remain cheerfully supportive and encouraging and hope he gets it but if not Don't try to force him down the uni route too soon - he could end up dropping out or flunking, whereas I didn't go straight away (had no interest) but was able to pursue FE options at a later stage when I "got" it

How is he paying for his social life? I would limit his income if it's from you and put in place some rules around how many hours he can work if he's in ft education.

Thanks everyone. I suspect he has some mild ADHD but it's not immediately obvious. He's been assessed and has processing issues.

He's doing Media, Business and Spanish - he chose them and he does seem interested in the topics. We have tried talking, we've tried removing pocket money etc, he starts out ok for a day or two then stops again but spends hours on his appearance! His lofty ambitions are to be wealthy - that's it.

The apprenticeship route seems very limited from my research. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places. Degree apprenticeships looks like they would require even more self-discipline that normal degrees so not sure that would work out.

Hi OP. your DC sounds like my DC. He has ADHD and we are in GCSE year and despite him attending well, being good in class ( one pill each morning keeps him focused) his grades are appalling and he has no interest and seemingly no awareness of the importance of it all.

We can afford to tutor him, and he enjoys his sessions, does the homework etc but will not undertake any self study at all.

it's actually ruining our family unit presently. So I totally empathize. I have no advice, sorry. I am at a loss. But the poster who mentioned they have ADHD said that some children (ADHDers) are immature compared to non ADHDers is spot on. These students cannot look to the future despite what they are told. We want the best for our DCs but some people take longer to blossom than others. We just need to find the patience to support them.
xxx

Yes it's almost impossible to just sit back and watch them miss the opportunity and it impacts the whole family.