Dd won't let me in her room without permission

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is 15 (Year 11), she's on the autistic spectrum. We've had some problems in the past year with anxiety and erratic school attendance for a bit of background.

She has become very possessive about her bedroom and we have respected her privacy. I always knock, often she just says 'no' so I leave and phone or WhatsApp her. On the odd occasion I have knocked and not heard a response, I open the door ajar and she goes mad, I'm invading her privacy etc.

I was talking to some friends last night with similar aged girls and they said they reserve the right to enter teens' rooms because a) they are minors, and b) it's our house.

Have I made a rod for my own back?

Hello, yes totally a spectrum thing, I had to seriously back off at a particular age (14) when I was left in no doubt that I was not expected in that space at that time (full on 'get out get out' meltdown). So I learnt quickly and we are quite good together at working out the rules for taking laundry basket, checking up (knock, listen, slowly in, quick or longer exchange), getting up in morning (expected multiple times/system/no judgement). But also, he changes all the time, maturing wise, so it's quite an interesting part of the relationship, our little dance :)

My dc are older, and nt, and I still think they’re their rooms and they have a right to privacy. ‘My house my rules’ is a load of bollocks regarding teens bedrooms.
Barging in will never achieve anything, with any teen, let alone with a nd teenager. I’ve always knocked and asked if I can come in, and I’ll accept yes or no. I can’t imagine that if the answer was no and I went in on the basis it’s my house the conversation would be remotely constructive.

Yes TrainspottingWelsh exactly, I can see why it's double for ND here but it's true anyway ND or not.

@InfiniteMonkies yes, I wasn’t trying to minimise how much more complicated it is with nd, just that if a rule is ridiculous and counterproductive for nt teens then it’s even more so with an nd teen.