Any guidance/help on the right things to say to a 16 year old DD who might be about to embark on a sexual relationship? I'm out of my depth!

[redblonde]

As the title says, I have a just 16 year old daughter who has recently started seeing her first "proper" boyfriend. He is 17 and at college, she is year 11. Up until about a week ago she wasn't completely sure whether she was romantically interested in the boy or as a friend but given that she came home with a love bite last weekend, I'm guessing she has become more sure! He appears to be a lovely boy, we've met him and his parents. So I imagine she will start to be thinking about sex and we have previously discussed sex in abstract but now when confronted by hard reality I want to have a chat with her but I don't want to muck it up.

I was a late starter so for me the idea of having sex at 16 feels way too early but I recognise that's my opinion only. Are there any online resources of how to open conversations in a non-judgemental way, just to ensure she will be doing whatever she does because she wants to rather than feels she "should" or because "everyone else is doing it"? And to talk to her about being safe, both physically, sexually and emotionally? What rules do people have about having boyfriends around, spending time in bedrooms together?

Any advice at all would be great - she is still about 6 years old in my mind so I'm silently horrified, but recognise I have no right to be! Thanks

I wouldn’t hang about,
I would raise the issue of contraception asap
just matter of factly,
can I help you access contraception??
then as matter of factly / unemotionally talk about making sure consent / respect etc is something she feels able to talk to the lad about - if not, why not and go from there !
good luck !! Teenage sexuality blew my mind this year !!

How can you be sure she isn’t already sexually active? To be honest it’s likely at 16 she is quite aware of the topic but I would just have a casual conversation and mention the topic of if she is on birth control and if not recommend she goes on it. In terms of rules, I plan too when mine get older too let them do there own thing but tell them they can always come too me if they have any questions or need advice.

@shmiz - thank you. That's a good question "can I help you access contraception?". My teen has her first boyfriend- they are both 15.
I've had an "enthusiastic consent" conversation with her.
I'm meeting him for the first time this weekend. She confided that he told me he loved her. To me that's a prelude to the "let's have sex" gambit. She's not dreamy about him which pleases me. But that's only what I see so ...

He told her not he told me (ffs)

While I grew up with honest conversations, my mum did it well when my first proper boyfriend and I became serious at 16.

During a 3 hour road trip, just us in the car, we talked through her key priorities being contraception (STIs and babies), a healthy and respectful relationship, consent, and making sure I understood she and my dad were always are safe space if I ever needed it. Her position was if you can't talk about safe sex you are not ready to have sex.

It can be hard but our conversation was very matter of fact, and after initial awkwardness it turned out very well. I'm so thankful to her now looking back. It's funny as we never really spoke about this but she obviously knew what I was up to buying my contraception.

The car is a great option, don't have to look at each other and keep it light but factual. She knows at this point the mechanics and the consequences. My mum was very secretive with me and it wasn't great so I have vowed to be different with mine thankfully not at that stage yet

Thanks everyone - I had a chat this evening (no long car journeys coming up!) and it went well, she said I did a good job! Couldn't have done it without your help and suggestions so thanks - I really appreciate your replies.