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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Little things to help DSS feel comfortable and at-home-ish?

39 replies

dumbstruckdumptruck · 01/10/2022 18:59

DP and I have been together 6 years. We live separately, and DSS (16) is with him full time. They've both recently started going to college nearer my home than theirs, and as such are looking for a new place to live. For a few reasons they're looking for a fairly specific type of place, so it's taking a little while to find.

In the meantime, I've offered for them to stay at my place a few nights per week, so they don't have to get up at silly-o'clock every single morning to avoid the traffic.

I have a one-bedroom house, and so I'm setting up a single sofa-bed in my office for DSS so he doesn't have to be on the couch (near a very snorey dog!) on those nights and he has a bit of privacy / his own space.

He's in no way expecting it to become His Own Room, and this isn't a permanent situation, but I'd like to make it feel homey enough that it's comfortable to be here.

Sofa-bed is arriving this week, and I'm going to empty a cupboard where he can have some clothes that live here in case he forgets something (he's not the most organised of creatures yet!). He's got his own set of towels in his colour, and I've got him a box of toiletries to keep in the bathroom that are just his.

What are some other little things I can put in place to help him feel at home (other than just getting on with life as normal)?

I know some of you will be about to tell me I'm way overthinking this, but he's been very let down by his mum over the past year and this is an extra upheaval on top of a lot of changes, so I just want to make sure he feels seen and cared for.

OP posts:
tattychicken · 01/10/2022 19:00

A mini fridge with some snacks?

Greengr · 01/10/2022 19:00

That's so lovelyFlowers

Afterfire · 01/10/2022 19:02

You sound absolutely lovely ❤️💐

GottaGetOutofDairy · 01/10/2022 19:03

At 16, I wonder if a cupboard or fridge shelf stocked with some snacks that he is welcome to help himself to? So if he's hungry, he can feel relaxed about getting homself something?

2bazookas · 01/10/2022 19:03

Al;arm clock? reading light by bed.

dumbstruckdumptruck · 01/10/2022 19:06

A mini -fridge / snack cupboard is a great idea. He does always ask if he can take things food-wise when they're over here, so that'd be perfect (until he learns I really do mean it when I say 'help yourself to anything'!).

And thanks to those of you saying this is a lovely thought – I honestly thought everyone would tell me I was nuts! 😂

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milawops · 01/10/2022 19:15

I was going to say mini fridge and reading light but they've both been suggested so I will just say that this is is so thoughtful. You sound like a lovely person.

GG1986 · 01/10/2022 19:19

A little snack box would be great, but also continue to let him know he can have stuff from your fridge and cupboards too. Maybe some toothpaste, brush, deodrant, shower gel etc spare phone charger in case he forgets his?

dumbstruckdumptruck · 01/10/2022 19:29

@GG1986 a PHONE CHARGER! I'll need to weld it into the wall or it'll have disappeared in seconds but that is a GREAT idea.

And yes, I don't want him to feel like he can only have things from 'his' snack box. Will think that over carefully :)

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GrimmTales · 01/10/2022 19:37

I disagree with the idea of a mini fridge. I really dislike them. It gives the message “stay in your room and don’t come out, and the communal spaces/ kitchen /fridge aren’t for you.”

starfishmummy · 01/10/2022 19:38

More snacks than you think you'll need! Don't have to be in his room but just let him know where they are...although a 16yo boy will probably find them fairly quickly.

Has anyone mentioned boxes of tissues....

Hoolahulahoop · 01/10/2022 19:40

This is lovely!!
what about an oodie (or version of) to keep here. My dad loves his.
I think just by you being you that he will feel happy

dumbstruckdumptruck · 01/10/2022 19:44

@GrimmTales I completely get where you're coming from. He's just still so flipping polite about food! I'd like to find the middle ground, I guess, where he learns that what's in the fridge / cupboards is there for the taking, AND in the meantime he's not silently ravenous 😆

@starfishmummy I wondered if tissues would come up...😂

OP posts:
CatChase · 01/10/2022 19:46

Do you have a regular weekly supermarket visit? Could you ask him if there's any snacks in particular he wants before you go? Cut him his own key?

MadMadMadamMim · 01/10/2022 19:52

My 17 yo son has LED lights all round the ceiling of his room that are controlled by a sort of TV remote. They go different colours. Amazon Prime for less than £20 I think.

Binglebong · 01/10/2022 19:52

I'd be inclined to say something of the lines of "What would make you comfy. I want to get things YOU want -not just generic teenage boy". You sound lovely and I am sure he will appreciate it.

Cherrysherbet · 01/10/2022 19:53

Oh gosh op, your post just brought tears to my eyes (genuinely). You sound so lovely and thoughtful.

ZoeCM · 01/10/2022 19:54

OP, you sound so thoughtful. Your stepson is lucky to have you.

CrotchetyQuaver · 01/10/2022 19:54

I would tell him what you're planning to do and ask him if there's anything else he'd like you to get for him. He sounds like a nice kid

Sigma33 · 01/10/2022 19:54

Hadn't occurred to me until I read this thread, but would agree ask his preferred snacks and include them with the general snacks rather than a mini fridge!

Lovely ideas on this thread, hopefully over time he will feel it is a second home while he needs one and relax.

Ask him about his studies - what would help? If it is also an office then presumably it has a desk, maybe see what storage space he needs for study materials? Textbooks? (So old fashioned, I am sure it is all on line 😂but in my day last millenium I was all about the post-it notes and highlighters!)

Sigma33 · 01/10/2022 19:56

MadMadMadamMim · 01/10/2022 19:52

My 17 yo son has LED lights all round the ceiling of his room that are controlled by a sort of TV remote. They go different colours. Amazon Prime for less than £20 I think.

DD too! And a projector with stars/galaxies that go all over the walls and ceilings! Maybe ask if there's anything that helps him relax and sleep

Duplocrocodile · 01/10/2022 19:56

A table next to the sofa bed so he can put all his stuff on it. Basically bed side table so he doesn’t have to put phone etc on floor.

Bluetooth speaker?

make sure it can get dark enough for sleep. Just thiking If it’s an office you may only have blinds or something.

Duplocrocodile · 01/10/2022 19:58

Oh and if you want to make him feel at home, make sure the sofa bed is made up on his days. I know he can probably manage this himself! But will make him feel more included and not a burden.

dumbstruckdumptruck · 01/10/2022 20:00

These are all such thoughtful ideas – thank you everyone!

@Binglebong and @CrotchetyQuaver you're both right, I'll definitely ask him. He's a little in the shrug-and-say-dunno stage, so he may not offer anything, and I'd like him to feel pleasantly surprised when he rocks up the first night, AND I'll make sure he's included in the conversation. Thank you.

@Sigma33 I'm the same – immediately thought of paper and stationary stuff! Who'd have thought a pen would ever show my age?! 😂

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dumbstruckdumptruck · 01/10/2022 20:00

@Duplocrocodile that's a great point. I'll do that for sure.

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