My 17yr old DD wants to meet up with someone she has met on the net

[ishouldbeironing]

I really could do with some advice.
My 17yrd old DD has been chatting on line with a boy for a couple of years and now they want to meet up.
We live in Scotland and this boy in England.
My DD installed a webcam at Christmas so therfore I have seen who she has been talking to.
More importantly he has seen me as I have made a point of standing behind her a few times - he has now starting waving to me!!
He appears to be a normal teenage boy.
My concern is that she has told me a bit about this boy and his family and IMO they are candidates for The Jeremy Kyle Show.
My DD is quite immature - doesnt socialise much and I am now really concerned for her.
So how do I tackle this one given that she is 17 in a couple of months?

Could you invite him to stay with you for a night/weekend - that way you can meet him and police what goes on...

Wouldn't be keen for her to meet him half-way if that is the plan...

That was there plan to meet half way!!
I said no way and if he was so keen that he would have to come to Scotland.
My DD seems to have accepted this.

their not there

couldnt you meet halfway and go with her?

I agree - invite him to stay with you. His family may be JK candidates - but he might be a really nice lad

I am really trying hard not to judge him as it sounds like he has had quite a tough life.
I spose my only concern is that my DD gets involved with his family at some point and is out of her depth.
Of my 3 DDS she really is the most clueless

I agree that you should invite him to stay with you, if he is genuine he will agree to this, then you will be able to decide if he is trustworthy or not.

I think you are being a little snobbish - the boy could be really nice. I think you could invite him up to Scotland. If he's half decent he'll understand why you're against them meeting half way.

Thanks for all your comments.
I realise that I am probably sounding snobbish however I am basing it on what DD has said about the amount of heavy drinking and arguing they do as a family.
I think it is now agreed that he comes here.
I am really only trying to protect my DD in case she gets out of her depth.
Maybe however I cant do that.

Welcome him with open arms (through gritted teeth maybe) but that way you are supporting her and her decisions, they will be with you therefore you can keep an eye on them. He may well be from a shite family but he might want to escape it...? He prob doesnt like his amily situation anymore than you do. Give him a chance- your dd will see for herself if hes a waste of space when they meet. xxx

a teen boy aint going to want to stay in a girls house wiv her family that he s never met. wud you let her go to his house for the weekend etc?? i think you prob wudnt.
id meet half way and go with her, give her time to go off for a bit but make sure u have both got mobiles and ask her to text you that she is ok and to phone when she is actually on her way back to meeting you! thats wat i wud do anyway.

i dont think your being snobbish -i think you are being sensible. Ofcourse we judge people on what they tell us and how theyspeak and dress - we do. it seems eminantly sensible to protect your daughter.

if you wanted to be ultra fair - i think the suggestion that he come and stay with you should be thought about seriously.

but i think that - if poss she should sleep with you and he should have her room - just to try and stop them having sex.

I would have himstay with you. I definitly wouldn't do the half way thing. I was very immature at that age as well and was raped as a result. I would look out for your dd.

Hi- this may be a bit late now, but was reading this thread and wondered, is money an issue here? if so, maybe you could offer to refund his train fare?- hopefully all has gone well by now in any case!

No not too late - we are still discussing dates as DD is in the middle of exams.
Refunding train fare is a good idea as I think money is an issue.
I am now thinking that they should meet soon as DD is driving me mad - on computer constantly and analysing every word he says etc.
Perhaps they will meet and the bubble will burst?
I will no doubt keep everyone posted

DD's boyfriend's family could definately be on the JK show - however, he is a sweet, gentle guy who sort of feels part of the family now - I think you're right to be cautious but it might all turn out good.

agree totally with invite him to yours and offer to refund his train fare.dont judge him on what his family is like-if he's ashamed of them he will probably have as little as possible to do with them when he leaves home(actually,keep an eye out for any signs he is looking for a girlfriend as a way to escape from his family).the bubble could well burst when they meet,or he may be a lovely lad,who knows?

Hiya Ishould be ironing - I should be too lol

Your thread caught my eye the other day, as I'm in a similar situation to you.

DD nearly 17 has been chatting to a boy, for a couple of years online and hours on the phone!! He's in liverpool we are in London. Anyway, same sort of thing as you. They wanted to meet up, in fact she wanted to go there News years, but I wasnt keen.

Anyway, he came down yesterday, he booked himself into a hotel not too far away. She met him at the bus station, and they went out for the day. I met him too, (not from the bus station lol). He came to the house today, and he seems like a really nice young man. I think we will be seeing a lot more of him.

Like you, I got to the stage where I thought it a good idea they met up, to see if there was actually something there. i did have a chat with her about that, and also to consider what if it was the other way round, ie he didnt feel the same.

shes a sensible girl and I do trust her. will keep you updated!

How are things going your end??