Self harming teenager

[Itiswhatitis2022]

Hi there, a few weeks ago I found our my 15 year old dd had been cutting herself. I tried to talk to her about it- chose to try and talk in the car. Said I was not judging, just wanted to help. She was having none of it and just cut me down. Since then I haven't brought the subject up again and she has been much more engaged and happy. This morning I checked her room and found evidence that she has been cutting herself again. I feel so sad. Anyone else been in this situation? I spoke to someone at Young Minds today which was good but would love to hear from anyone on here. Thank you.

Our dd started to do this sometimes when she was about 14/15. It was a cry for help because she was so unhappy at school. I think underneath it all she is just a very anxious person (suspected "high functioning" ASD) and the cutting seemed to help. It's actually more common than you think, especially amongst teenager girls, who tend to turn their anger at the world inwards. We moved our dd to a new school and just tried to keep an eye on things and talk about things, and I don't think she does it anymore. But the underlying anxiety will always be there and could raise its head at any time. I found Caitlyn Moran's book, "More than a Woman" very moving. She talks about her own daughter's mental health struggles and self harming. It's nice to read something and realise that you are not alone. So many girls are suffering. I'm not sure what the answer is other than trying to get to the root of what is making her anxious; not an easy thing to do as it really is shit for teenagers right now for so many reasons. Obviously the Dr's and Camhs need to be involved but they weren't very helpful to us to be honest. Is there anything obvious that is making her unhappy? School? Friendships?

Hi,

I'm sorry you are going through this.

My niece cut herself a few times earlier this year, in or around the time she came out as gay. She is only 14 so the cutting herself was very traumatic for my sister. I'm not sure if my niece has fully settled on her sexuality, I think she is still figuring that out. At any rate what my sister and BIL have done is:

Set up a weekly counselling session for my niece
Spy on her phone/internet usage as she was going down rabbit holes of unacceptance by family; this was upsetting for all of them and exacerbating my nieces anxieties.
BIL was/is taking her on long walks twice a week, and her mother was taking her swimming twice a week - exercising your long/large muscles is good for your mental health (cycling, walking, swimming - leg and bum muscles). Exercising together helps to maintain a great bond, where hopefully she can discuss her feelings or anxieties with you. Make her feel accepted, even this part of her, and let her know that you are there to hold her hand and to walk her through this phase of her life. Teach her about compassion and self compassion, exercise self compassion when you experience difficulties in your life and illustrate that type of empathetic behavior to her.

Cutting is a form of release, there is a build up of tension, followed by a cut and the pain relief responses from the body. It's a method of releasing tension, similar to hair pulling or picking at spots. Teach her other forms of tension release, such as yoga or anything at all where she is moving her body and helping her work out her tensions. Exercising beside large pools of water is also very good for mental health. [Doing anything near the sea or walking by rivers etc - rowing is also really good for the limbic system and mental health].

A psychiatrist told us to get some elastic bands so that she can wrap them around her wrist and pull them and ping them against her skin.

Thanks everyone. I don't know what is making her anxious but teenage years are rough. I thought she was close to a girl but when I asked about her dd said they hadn't spoken for a while so maybe this has kicked things off. I am armed with lots of info but it's just trying to break down the walls. I just keep telling her I love her.

I'm in the same boat, discovered my 12 year old has been cutting herself on Saturday, and she's done it three times week. She is very closed off and says she doesn't want to talk about it, but last night we had a huge cry together.

What I've done so far:
Taken away her razors etc
Been to the GP for CAHMS referral
Booked private counselling session starting tomorrow
Contacted her Guidance Teacher as she didn't do this before starting high school.
Tried my best to keep her busy and downstairs rather than up in her room.
Showed her the Calm Harm app which she rolled her eyes at.

It's awful, I'm devastated and scared.

Sorry @Itiswhatitis2022 I meant to say I started a thread in the Preteen section a few days ago about self harm which has quite a lot of advice, might be worth a look.