Have a 13 year old son who is due to turn 14 in two weeks time. I can honestly say we have always had a happy home, apart from the usual hiccups that most families have. I have never really had any issues with my son right from a baby up until he turned 13.
it all began when he started senior school. He had a really promising year in year 7, positives were really out weighing the negatives which was brilliant. He then went into year 8 when the problems began - it started with just defiance, where he would refuse to do as he was asked by teaching staff. Then it escalated to really bad behaviour such as setting off fire alarms so the whole school would have to be evacuated (over 900 pupils). He would swear at senior staff and call them vulgar names. He eventually got excluded 3 times then finally permanently expelled.
He then had to go to panel, where a school would be chosen based on his behavioural needs. This was a lengthy process that took just over 3 months. This gave my son a lot of free time on his hands and he was going missing regularly. I had to report him missing I believe over 13 times where he would just not return home when asked to/told to. I would often be out in my car up until 2/3am looking for him in a state of worry and panic. He would also run out of the door in the middle of the night which would then mean I am up and out again looking for him.
I work in the cancer unit at our local hospital, so am often going to work and facing long shifts without sleep, or very little. Which was proving difficult. I then got a dead lock fitted on a Sunday morning as a way to safeguard him and keep him in at night, I was told by a social worker this was false imprisonment and that I couldn’t lock the door. 🤦♀️
He then got into another main stream school and I felt so relieved. I sat with my son and did the whole “this is a brand new start for you” and “a great opportunity for you to get a good education and make a new friendship group”. I was really hopeful that he would take this opportunity with both hands and really try and excel.
He had an OK start, not great, but he was getting up and going in, in full uniform which was promising. But then things started to slip back to how they were. He was refusing to go in full stop, or he would wear clothes under uniform for when he felt he’d had enough for the day and would just walk out.
the school and I sat together and made a plan to help my son, as we felt it may have been to much as he had been out of full education for over 3 months. We tweaked his time table and allowed him to do half days then staggered it to full days to ease him in and not overwhelm him.
well I can only describe this as we gave him
an inch, and he took a mile. He would only turn up to things he wanted to, he would quite often leave schooL site go and get high then return when he felt like it but wouldn’t engage in lessons he would just abuse staff and students and disrupt. I am quite often called to pick him up or help go and manage him. Work are understanding but they also have a service to run so their patience is wearing rather thin.
I have cried out to social services for help. I have explained that I am a single parent that is way out of me depth and I need serious help.
I am yet to receive that help as of yet. And we are now at a point where things have broken down so badly in the family home. My son will completely disregard the rules and boundaries I set within the home, he will not go to bed when I ask, he will not get up and go to school when he asked/supposed to, if I say he is grounded I get laughed at and told to fuck off, he continues to go out and Returns home when he’s finished doing what ever it is he does. He then strolls in high as a kite and will eat everything in sight, and this happens 5 nights out of 7 so can be costly at the moment!!! He will often wear dirty shoes around the house that he knows I’ve just cleaned and will provoke reactions for example he will go and rub his muddy trainer over the sofa purposely to spark a reaction. I have had drinks thrown over me, I have had food thrown around the house, I have been spat at. He is now bigger than me and is very aggressive, my internal doors the majority of them have holes in, his bedroom walls have holes in, I have just replaced his bedroom door and it’s now broken again. He will stand over my whilst Im sitting and will attempt to intimidate me quite often. He steals from the family home and I now have to take my hand bag everywhere or leave certain things in my car over night. I cannot go to bed when I feel like it as he will persistently dominate the environment by making loud noises, wondering around shouting chants very late at night, flickering light switches on and off continuously. I get spoken to like absolutely dirt, for example yesterday my son was being soooo rude and disrespectful calling me a cunt/slag etc then asked me to drive him somewhere I said absolutely not. I am not prepared to do a favour for you when you are treating me the way you are, you can walk. I was called fucking lazy. I get kicked to get up and make his breakfast etc. Sometimes I feel it’s worse than being in an abusive relationship because I’d somewhat have hope of escaping one day, here I do not.
he has over heard me sobbing on the phone to my mum saying I can’t do it anymore, to which he responded “why don’t you Kill yourself then? “
it goes way beyond just “bad behaviour” he is quite honestly the most rude, disrespectful, nasty, spiteful person I have ever had to encounter.
social services have done nothing but penalise me as a parent which just makes me cross because I have raised this boy single handed since he was one, we have never had social services involved except up until 14 months ago when I cried out for help from them. They said I work long days (I do 30 hours over 3 days in the hospital) and it was no wonder he was angry towards me etc. I am his only provider, I need to got to work. But I was made to feel shambolic for this. Not what I expected when I asked for help.
there was supposed to be a meeting held today which has been cancelled last minute. I feel this was my only life line, I do not know where to turn anymore. And I am scared somebody is going to be hurt within the family home.he is on the brink of being permanently expelled again and I am just at breaking point. I want to run away