Step daughter 14 yo and boundaries

[StepmomKat]

Hi all,
I'm a step mom to a 14 years old girl. I have been living in the same house with her and her father for over 3 years, we are engaged and planning the wedding. Girls mother left to a different state when she turned 10. The girl and I have good relationships, she talks to me, we doing stuff together, shopping etc.
the girls is very close to her father and often since she was little needs his hugs and cuddles. When she was 10 I was somewhat ok with her occasionally coming to our bedroom and laying in bed with us, now that she is older and very developed I don’t feel comfortable. Plus I’m not a cuddly person. Of course there is nothing inappropriate, she just comes in, says she’s bored or sad and kind of slides in the bed. But I don’t like it! How do I talk to her or my fiancé to put a stop to it? I already told him to spend time with her outside of the bed and he says yes, but when she comes in he doesn’t tell her anything (scared to hurt her feelings) should I say smthg to her? Please help

no you cannot be serious, you're effectively her parent and she is his kid i'd love to see you tell your partner that you don't want him cuddling with her because 'she's more developed' fine you don't have to cuddle with her even though that makes you the weird one in this situation but to demand your partner doesn't is crossing a line, go to therapy

I do not tell him not to cuddle, read my post. I don’t like a teenage girl coming to our bed to do it and a have a right to feel how I feel. No need to send me to a therapy

Yabu
My 16&14 girls still get into bed for cuddles with me & their dad every morning.

We have suggested that they not do it half naked anymore but we are quite a liberal minded family about nudity so it isn't really a big deal.

I still get into bed some weekend morning with my 80+ old mum and so does my 50+ year old sister.

Her need for cuddles sounds normal
and lovely - don’t get in the way of it !!!
this is a YOU problem not the girl and her dad !!!

your feelings are completely valid first of all.
i am a step mum to 3 children, oldest is similar age and yes i would be uncomfortable with this. we set boundaries in our house, kids stay out of our room and bed, that is our space.
DH is not an overly affectionate dad so i can only imagine how this feels for both of you.
Talk to your husband about how youre feeling. Tell him that you need privacy and boundaries in your home and sharing the bed and is something you are uncomfortable with. If he is respectful and loves you he will put these boundaries in place. He could kindly tell his daughter that you both want your bed to be just for you two adults, and maybe go and spend some time with her in her own bedroom before bed, to avoid her coming into you guys. Slowly make it the new norm.
Always be honest about your feelings with your husband on your step parenting journey, its hard doing it alone and give him a chance to give you the support you need.
i feel like this website is full of extremely bitter baby mamas who hate their ex's new partners or something with all of the horrible negative comments i see especially towards step moms. Shame on you, this should be a place for help, comfort and advice between women not judgement and hate.

I lived with my aunt and uncle growing up, and was climbing in for drunken hugs and chats at 3am when I got home from clubs aged 18. Nice memories for me

i feel like this website is full of extremely bitter baby mamas who hate their ex's new partners or something with all of the horrible negative comments i see especially towards step moms. really? Who says baby mamas, its so disrespectful. Your other points I agree with, this is a forum for support not abuse, but don't degrade mothers by giving them silly prefixes.
I can see both sides op. She isn't your daughter so of course you don't want to cuddle up in bed with her. It isn't that unusual for a teen child to still want to cuddle up with their parent, it won't last for much longer and whilst its a lovely, healthy, comforting and bonding thing to do it isn't going to be a long term issue. I don't think her body is relevant, she might have a woman's body, but she is still a child in her head. I think when she comes in for a cuddle its fine for you to slide out and fetch a cup of tea. I don't remember ever having bed cuddles with my parents, mum and I weren't close, which is sad, but I would always snuggle in with grandparents in the mornings when I slept over.