Very emotional after training /matches

[Tereo]

Hi all,
Any advice for managing my 14 and 16 year olds after they play basketball (training and matches)
Otherwise mild mannered polite kids turn into poison dwarfs spewing insults against other kids, refs, coaches (not to their faces but in the car going home)
I used to ignore but now we re giving a lovely polite Ukrainian kid lifts and its so embarrassing how they behave. Ive told them never again or they re on the bus in future. But any explanation or similar experiences?
Thanks

I would first have a word with your coaches. Along with the parents it is really up to them to police behaviour during and immediately after games and instill a sense of 'fair play' and graceful attitude in both victory and defeat.

I coach teenagers down my rowing club and occasionally we get a bit of attitude (towards myself, other members of the coaching team, opposition and fellow crew mates etc) and we take a zero tolerance approach and remove the kid immediately from the session, they can only return when they have 1. acknowledged that their behavior has been unacceptable and 2, apologised, only then will they be allowed to rejoin the squad. At the start of each session when we have a new intake of junior rowers we have a meeting with the parents and we (the club) set out our stall in terms of what we expect from them and what we expect from the kids in terms positive behaviour. Sometimes teenagers do not know how to articulate their frustration, especially if on a losing team. A few months ago I had one 14 year old lad throw one of the blades (oars) in anger after losing a tight race and told a crew mate he thought was responsible for the loss to fuck off. I expelled him from the squad immediately. Cue lots of tears and a groveling apology, he has been a model athlete ever since.

Thanks a lot for reply. Yes im not familiar with the world of competitive sports and my sons have only been playing basketball since they were about 12 so they re probably a bit immature when it comes to handling their emotions around winning loosing etc.
I am just curious and would help handle it to understand it. They are actually great teenagers i find them a pleasure generally but they cant handle their emotions around sport. They absolutely love basketball train all the time.
I think ill stop ignoring it and tell them like yer fella throwing the oar that it has to stop or their not getting lifts anymore.
Thanks a lot

I am presuming from what you say they are not rude to their coaches or other players when playing but sound off afterwards? This is not the same as being rude to other kids/adults as described by poster. Many very good sportspeople get upset/frustrated/passionate. You only beee to watch professional football. If you put an awful lot in - this is more likely.
My son wouldn’t be rude to opponents on pitch or his coaches but he can be upset/frustrated on way home if he loses. It is a sign he cares. I don’t think it is unreasonable to be annoyed etc in privacy of your car. I’d just say tone it down in front of the other kid.

Have you tried giving them some food as well? High energy snacks post training might also help them manage their behaviour better.

Honestly, if it’s in the privacy of their own car, and not at training, I would just put it down to letting off steam. If you’re embarrassed in front of the other boy just tell your boys to rein it in until they get home.

They are hormone riddled teenagers and sport can bring out the worst in people (you only have to look at the behaviour of some professional adult sports people) due to the emotions involved.

A long as they are not saying these things on court, to other players or coaches I would leave them be for the most part. Obviously if it starts being racist/homophobic etc then thats different and they need pulling up on it.

If you think it is too much due to having a friend in the car tell them whilst they have company in the car they need to tone it down a bit.

Thanks so much for your replies!
My sons weren't into sports as kids they got really into basketball at ages 13, 14 so think they are playing catch up on the managing emotions thing. The older one said last year after a game he d put the ref in a body bag! He said it to me but within hearing distance of a few others... He was totally calm 30 mins later but i warned him very much that he would get kicked out of club if he was overheard. He has matured massively since then thank god its the younger one now erupting. Ill try ignore them in the car just worried they d errupt to someone's face sometime!
Think im playing catch up on the sports emotions thing too as not used to competitive sport at all so feel utterly drained after diving them home from a game!
Thanks again