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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS15 having a sexual relationship with GF15

14 replies

Mumofteens2 · 19/09/2022 15:31

Hi, I’m interested in how you’d approach your 15 year old DS when you’ve discovered evidence that he’s started a sexual relationship with his 15 year old GF. They’ve been together 11 months, very mature in many ways and I’m not surprised to be honest. They’re using condoms (hence how I found out) so being sensible. I’m torn between pretending I don’t know and being up front with him, but honestly don’t know what to say. I want him to know I’m there for support and to talk to if needed.

I know her parents would be distraught if they knew. I have no plans to tell them but would feel dreadful if they were to find out later that I knew.

interested in your thoughts.

OP posts:

Devo1818 · 19/09/2022 15:33

My personal opinion is that it is no one else's business. I'm sure your son is aware he can talk to you if he needs to but not sure whý he would need to really. It would just be embarrassing for him if you bring it up.

KangarooKenny · 19/09/2022 15:35

If you’ve done your bit and spoken to him about being sensible and protecting himself from unwanted pregnancy and STI’s, then you’ve done your bit. Make sure he has access to condoms, or the money to get them, and let him get on with it.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 19/09/2022 15:36

I would drill into him that the moment she gets pregnant he is at the mercy of her decions. But at the same time he is free to walk away and she is burdened for life.

And at all times no baby is your problem.

Bonheurdupasse · 19/09/2022 15:37

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 19/09/2022 15:36

I would drill into him that the moment she gets pregnant he is at the mercy of her decions. But at the same time he is free to walk away and she is burdened for life.

And at all times no baby is your problem.

This OP.

Middledazedted · 19/09/2022 15:45

He needs to have a talk that’s theoretical so he can engage more easily. Does he know what good sex us and how I rested to porn it is. Does he know how to listen to his partner. Does he realise how likely pregnancy is if you rely on condones alone? Does he realise what that risk is per year? I would cover stuff like that.

I would pretend you don’t know while supporting where you can.

Original poster

Mumofteens2 · 19/09/2022 15:45

Thanks for your thoughts. I guess I’m concerned that they’re both only 15, it seems so young.

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 19/09/2022 15:49

I work in high schools, and I assure you that they aren’t the only ones.

knackeredagain · 19/09/2022 15:51

It is young, but if they’ve been together 11 months it’s hardly a surprise. How do you get along with GF? Could you encourage her to talk to her mum and get her contraception sorted, or would that be cringey all round? My DSs girlfriend used to come to me at that age (well, 16) because she said I was cooler than her mum! So I gave her all the advice and said her mum would be glad she spoke her her as a young woman - and shock horror, she was young and in love once.

If that’s all too awkward, just a general chat without saying ‘DS, I know 👀’

Sounds like they are settled and fairly responsible, so they just need to be aware of the facts and potential pitfalls.

CoastalWave · 19/09/2022 15:51

15 is young. It's underage and illegal.

I'm surprised everyone is being so blasé about it!

It was drummed into me at a young age there were 'other' things you could do besides have full sex. Obviously wasn't drummed into these two. Bit late now the horse has bolted, but I wouldn't be encouraging it at all. Parents shouldn't make it easy for their children to be having sex imo!

MermaidEyes · 19/09/2022 15:54

You think her parents would be distraught? They must be very naive if they think their 15 year old daughter, who's been in a relationship for 11 months, isn't having some kind of sexual relationship, whether it's full sex or just experimenting.
As long as they're being sensible, and your son is respectful, there's nothing else you can do.

BananaBling · 19/09/2022 15:55

I have a 15 year old DS and absolutely we would be talking about this! 17 or whatever and I'd be turning a blind eye in the main but not at 15

I'd probably start by acknowledging how sensible he's being to use condoms so that's something but I'd also be conveying to him my concern, worry and how he's basically not old enough and neither is she. I'd then end on a positive note by acknowledging the safe sex aspect again

But I'd be cross, disappointed and concerned - and those are all emotions I'd expect any normal caring parent to feel.

I wouldn't use a sledgehammer to crack a nut here but I'd be wanting to have communication lines open and I wouldn't be condoning it

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 19/09/2022 15:56

CoastalWave · 19/09/2022 15:51

15 is young. It's underage and illegal.

I'm surprised everyone is being so blasé about it!

It's not really illegal. It's illegal for an adult to have sex with a minor - the minor isn't committing any illegal act by having sex with either an adult or another minor.
15 is very close to the age of consent which is pretty arbitrary - some young people are ready younger and some not until much older. Of course I wouldn't encourage my 15 year old to have sex but I wouldn't be surprised if he was. As long as they respect each other and use condoms I don't see a huge issue.

Original poster

Mumofteens2 · 19/09/2022 16:52

Thanks all for your thoughts. I’ll see if he’s in a receptive mood when he gets home and will attempt a constructive conversation. Wish me luck!

OP posts:

grayhairdontcare · 19/09/2022 18:33

As I once said to mine "if you are old enough to be having sex . Then you are old enough to have a conversation about it!"

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