What do you do with teenage girl who have very poor personal hygiene?

[sweetkitty]

I have 4 DC the 14 and 12 yo are fine. The 18 and 16 yo however, are for want of a better word, stinking. Girls.

18yo DD1 has severe anxiety and doesn’t leave her bedroom much this is a whole other thread but last week I went an opened her curtains and there was a used tampon applicator on her windowsill. Beneath it was an open carrier bag full of used tampons and applicators. When I asked her about it she said she it was easier than going to the toilet! The toilet is 10 feet away she goes to the toilet to pee and poo so why not change her tampon. She’s giving up wearing underwear and wears the same pair of pyjamas for days on end. I know she’s mentally unwell. She’s been signed off CAHMs and is awaiting adult mental health services. I phoned the GP with her and got ADs but she didn’t take them, any advice she gets from the counsellor she never really does. I’m at breaking point.

then there’s her 16 yo sister, our washing machine was broken all last week I had a huge back log of washing that I was sorting out this morning, for nearly 2 weeks she had 5 pairs of pants and 7 pairs of socks. She has to be shouted and shouted at to take a shower every 2-3 days by myself or her father, her teeth are disgusting. Im embarrassed that at times during her period she’s not washing herself or changing her underwear daily. She does smell I’ve told her nicely and I’ve been blunt “DD2 you smell of BO”

Its part of a wider problem where the 2 of them are just so lazy, DD2 is in college 2 1/2 days a week at least DD1 does nothing because of her mental health issues. Im searching for private counsellors but you cannot make an 18 yo actually attend and what else can we do as parents? She’s lies in bed all day then is up all night sometimes waking us up which is extremely annoying and selfish. I’ve tried getting her up at 9am taking her out for 10 min walks like the counsellor suggested but I cannot make her actually do anything.

This sounds so difficult and I’m not sure how you’re coping!!
first off - I would definitely make sure that there are boundaries and rules for the younger two and they understand you love them and this is why you’re introducing these and they don’t feel the behaviour of their sisters is normal or right.
I think regarding your eldest maybe you could follow a plan as if she is physically ill and if she was physically ill she would be in bed and you would look after her. Maybe tidy and clean her room, change her bed put out clean pyjamas, take her phone from her (which I’m assuming you’re paying for) and all
communications, tell her to get into bed, give her a book. See how long she stays there if she’s bored. keep her tidy and clean but don't let her amuse herself with electronics. If she says she’s bored, take her out for a walk, invite her to watch a film with you all together outside her bedroom. Assuming she is mentally ill in someway, she needs looking after physically maybe too. This may cause an impasse and she may start to accept some outside psychiatric help. It sounds quite drastic and that you have to take drastic action?
With the 16 yo, i would list the personal care routine she has to follow, and the basic chores she has to do in a calm way and include use the bathroom properly. If she doesn’t stop her phone: remove something she cares about. BUT the minute she does something properly offer her a small reward. i think you mentioned you have a husband? Hopefully the two of you can work out a calm but very firm strategy between you, not shouting but an absolute calm insistence your house rules are followed with serious repercussions if they’re not that he backs you up. She’s 16 - she’s still under your control and in your house and your rules.
Maybe try basics like eating together; movie night where they choose; any kind of games - anything to try and build up a bond so they will listen and even take up professional help.
i hope everything improves for you soon x

also i am a single mum of a daughter who’s quite anxious so have been through difficult times. You must never forget your their mum, and you can intervene as if they’re children if that’s how they’re behaving to help them in the longer run.
Multivits, HTP5 (natural serotonin) Vit B and a Vit D (buy as Gummies) can also help. Expensive but they definitely work and help x

Sounds just like my 15 year old daughter. Anxiety. Not interested in hygiene. I will be watching this thread eagerly.
I try and choose my battles. I don't mention her teeth anymore. I concentrate on her school work. (She works from home) she never goes out really. But when she does, I tell her to shower then, and look presentable. I do her hair for her. We went to a party last week and people were saying how lovely she looked. It seemed to help a bit and she has showered since and done her hair without me saying. We all tell her how lovely she looks whenever she makes any effort. But I'm stuck as to what to do. She has zero motivation. Severe anxiety. Suicide attempts. No friends. Only on line.

Te poor hygiene ould just be caused By MH issues but I mghtalok into thbde below reasons too.
Poor hygiene can be due to sensory issues,, re showering or brushing teeth cause actual pain. Work around could include gargle with mouth wash instead of brushing temporarily. Set routines put strictly into place. Get them to wear swimming costumes and supervise is another option.
However, it can also be a defence strategy if they are or have previously experienced sexual abuse, if they (or their room) is dirty the abuser won't want them. Having worked with teenagers I was shocked to find out how many had experienced SA, those same teens often also suffered from anxiety or other MH issues. It's not a nice thing to think about but I wouldn't rule it out.

Sorry for the typos, my phones all over the place and laggy

Undiagnosed autism in teenage girls can manifest in this way. It also runs in families, so may be why both of your girls struggle.

DD2 is autistic (I am an ASD practitioners do recognised she was an undiagnosed teenage girl) that’s why subtle hints do not work and I have to be blunt with her. A few year back just before covid she was bullied at school got behind odd and weird and this led to her pulling her hair out. Thankfully she had left school and is very happy at college on a course she loves. She’s not girly at all doesn’t care about her appearance so hygiene and things such as brushing her hair don’t really matter to her. I was putting away the clean washing on Monday no clean pairs of pants in her pile again. They aren’t in a pile in her bedroom as I checked.

DD1 yes it’s severe mental health related as she never used to be like it. She doesn’t even wear underwear anymore. I’ve tried all the vitamins etc whoever commented on them too

@Singleandproud i couldn’t get a 16 or 18 yo yo wear a swimsuit and supervise them washing sorry that’s a bit crazy. One is an adult one almost an adult. The one at 16 is autistic doesn’t own a swimming costume and wears big baggy clothes as she has issues with tight fitting clothes. she has always had her own sense of self and had dressed the way she wants and we have always accepted this and bought her clothes of her choosing.