Daughter & friend sneaking boys into bedroom at night..

vodkaredbullgirl · 18/09/2022 06:55

Ground her lol

Weenurse · 18/09/2022 06:58

Not much you can do at 17. At least they were under a roof with help near if things went pear shaped.
I would have a chat about consent and drugs though

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 18/09/2022 07:03

And make sure she has contraception. Consider the MAP.

girlmom21 · 18/09/2022 07:04

Have a chat with her about respecting her friends parents and their right to feel safe in their own home - you know, like not having to argue with an almost-adult boy refusing to leave or almost-adult boys being in their home without their knowledge.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 18/09/2022 07:05

Definitely get a mirena coil or implant contraception fitted asap. My friends 15 year old and her chum were doing this sort of thing (as was my cousin in the 1980s) and an unexpected baby popped out of one of them soon after. Baby is now four and it has been a total disaster for the entire family.

Rainbowqueeen · 18/09/2022 07:06

Incredibly disrespectful to her friends parents.

Id have a chat to her about it. Let her know if she is not comfortable then she can text you with a code sentence eg do we have any Jaffa cakes? And you will know that she wants you to remove her from the situation so you can come up with an excuse to come get her. This assumes she was not comfortable!!
If she sees nothing wrong with what happened then I’d explain to her that her friends parents have a right to know who is in their home and a right to ask people to leave. Also that the behaviour exhibited was out of order and you are disappointed in her. And then I’d punish her.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 18/09/2022 07:09

If a boy refused to leave my home I would call the police on him.

Is the other parent a single parent? I'm guessing that the boy wouldn't refuse to go if a man told him to.

I'd be absolutely furious with my daughter for such disrespect.

Galarunner · 18/09/2022 07:09

My son is 16 nearly 17, he is allowed male and female friends in his room. We talk about consent and contraception, what can happen even with just friends if alcohol is involved. I make sure there is a box of condoms in the cupboard under sink. His best friend is female, it would be odd to not let her in his bedroom. She does stay over sometimes.

Galarunner · 18/09/2022 07:10

Just reread. The refusal to leave is very disrespectful and would have serious consequences.

ladydoris · 18/09/2022 07:39

Good thing they got caught. What kind of friends has she picked. This is not the right crowd. Contraception check ASAP. And a rerun about choosing proper friends and safety rules. The second those little idiots impregnate someone they will run for the hills. This is entitlement and not understanding consequences. If anything happened in the future (she does it again, with full understanding of your concerns) tell her she will have to take the brunt of the consequences. If this happened in my house, I would have called the police to put some sense in those brats. Do you have a safety code with her? Things can escalate pretty quickly at that age. There are so many infractions there. Loss of trust comes with consequences. This is going to be a long talk and if you are the only one doing the talking nothing will come out of it. All the best OP. No kid is an angel.

Fraaahnces · 18/09/2022 07:44

Why didn’t the friend’s mum call the police when he refused to piss off?

grey12 · 18/09/2022 15:08

Contraception and she would sleep at home every day 🤷🏻‍♀️

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 18/09/2022 15:16

Hmm. They're 17 so not surprising that they're interested in boys.

It's incredibly disrespectful though to sneak guests into the friend's house without the parents' permission, and I would be very disappointed in that behaviour.

I would be finding out if my dd was complicit in what happened.

I would be talking to her about showing a basic level of respect and manners towards her hosts, and I would ask her to apologise to her friend's parents for her part in what happened.

I would also be talking to her about what to do if she was ever caught in a situation that made her feel uncomfortable, or if she was put under pressure to go along with something that she didn't want to do.

And I would talk to her about consent, healthy and unhealthy relationships, contraception and sexual health, as well as trying to assess whether morning after pill/STD tests etc might be needed.

Johnnysgirl · 18/09/2022 15:20

One refused to leave?!

MaChienEstUnDick · 18/09/2022 15:27

All of the above plus please ask friend's mum to text DD and say she isn't allowed to stay over, and same from you to her friend. Need a united front.

That all said too, I would want a proper chat with her about safety - how did she feel (really feel) when Billy Big Baws refused to leave? Does she understand how inappropriate that was, and that him actually being in the house without the parents's consent speaks volumes about his entitlement and lack of boundaries? If she's finding it funny then she needs a good deal more steering around consent and boundaries - however, she may have found it too much to manage in which case a safe word text to you is a good thing to discuss.

GobbolinoTheWitchesCat · 18/09/2022 15:43

If a teenage boy refused to leave my house I'd drag him out by the ear

Johnnysgirl · 18/09/2022 15:49

GobbolinoTheWitchesCat · 18/09/2022 15:43

If a teenage boy refused to leave my house I'd drag him out by the ear

Me too! Leaving him there to "saunter out several hours later" is just baffling.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 18/09/2022 15:51

Johnnysgirl · 18/09/2022 15:49

Me too! Leaving him there to "saunter out several hours later" is just baffling.

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I wouldn't be dragging a hulking teenage boy who refused to leave my house anywhere... wouldn't feel safe to do so. I would call the police though if they refused to leave.

Freedomfighters · 18/09/2022 15:54

Well they are 17. Either they can move out and do what they want, or no friends round at all if they can't stick to the house rules. If some teen boy was in my house refusing to leave I'd call the police.

memyselfi · 18/09/2022 15:55

despondentatwork · 18/09/2022 06:52

Not at our home-at friend's. Discovered next morning by friend's mother who let me know. These boys had clearly stayed overnight and one refused to leave. Sauntered out hours later. The audacity! Under the influence? Girls are 17. WWYD.

It depends on your DD's take on it.
Whose idea was it?
Was it a situation she couldn't easily extricate herself from?
I'd want a lot more information.
How did the other girl's parent feel about it?

Thistleinthenight · 18/09/2022 15:57

Refused to leave????

Redqueenheart · 18/09/2022 16:01

very disrespectful to the friend's parents
worrying that one the boy thought he was entitled to stay: this is not the type of boys you want your daughter to be hanging around. Bizarre as well that your friend did not just throw him out of the house and threaten to call the police.

I would speak to her about it without getting angry but explaining what your concerns are. She is certainly entitled to date but not to disrespect people's home or hang out with losers...

Sheknowtheyrhinestones · 18/09/2022 16:10

I did this as a teen, probably 14 or 15. I had a friend over for sleepover and we arranged for 2 boys to come over in the night. We stayed in the living room and most definitely weren't having sex. Not really sure why we arranged it. My mum came down and found us, she kicked the lads out and sent us to bed. We all did as we were told

lailamaria · 18/09/2022 16:54

i mean she's 17 so i don't see what repercussions you can put in place for being into a boy and having sex

Megapint · 18/09/2022 17:02

At 17 what can you do?. Make sure she has access to contraception & have honest conversation with her. I remember a camp out my 15yr old son had one year. I couldn't sleep so went to make a cuppa at about 5am. Looked out of the window & saw 2 girls sneaking out of the tents climbing over the back fence!🤣