DS at all-boys school and lack of success with girls

[DSandgirls]

Hello. I have a 14 year old DS who attends a single-sex (boys only) secondary school. He told me recently that he is upset about not having a girlfriend. It seems to be affecting his confidence. He hasn't really had opportunities to socialise with girls since he left primary school 3 years ago. We also don't have girls who are around his age in the family who he can naturally interact with away from school. He has a few mates but they are all boys. His interests are mostly boy-orientated (sports and computer games). As boys and girls at single-sex schools don't have regular interactions at with members of the opposite sex around the same age every day at school, I am wondering what they generally do so they don't end up scared of the other sex. Not saying DS is at that point, but it's worried me enough to post this.

Will he start to attend any out of school clubs where boys and girls mix? Something like cadets, St. John ambulance, scouts?

He’s 14. Why are you trying to get him a girlfriend? 🤢

He maybe needs a strategic hobby where he is likely to meet some Girls. What about Scouting?

Top Tip: don't emulate my brother - broad sword fighting is not renowned for it's female participation rates.

Clubs that girls are likely to attend. He would be very popular if he took up horse riding, figure skating or ballroom dancing 😉

He's 14. The vast majority of people don't have bfs or gfs by 14, whether in a mixed or single sex setting. He probably doesn't realise this and just blames school

Get him into something like scouting,
its got a very broad focus so even if he’s not sporty/crafty/outdoorsy I imagine there’ll be something to hold his interest and broaden his social experience. I imagine he’d already have expressed an interest if he wanted to do ballroom dancing or figure skating.

I was at a girls only school. Tbh it wasn't a problem for me. From around age 14/15, groups of girls and boys from the single sex schools became friends (eg through one person who had a connection) and would meet up outside school. I'm sure this still happens?

As he likes sport, some sports are more unisex than others, eg swimming, tennis.

My teen DS is at a mixed school and even so lots of them don't have girlfriends. It's perfectly normal at this age to want a girlfriend / boyfriend and not have one!

I’m surprised his school doesn’t facilitate this more, though. Even my 20th c girls’ school arranged regular debating evenings with the associated boys’ school.

Setting aside the ‘girlfriend’ aspect - simply to spend time in ‘mixed’ company you need to encourage (and pay for!) weekend and holiday activities like theatre summer schools, orchestra or choir, youth groups attached to the UN or various charities, art or environmental projects … There are endless possibilities of you have the time and energy to seek them out.

Obviously at 14 you may face more resistance than you would with a 10 year old.

I’m torn between saying “don’t worry, he’ll be fine after Fresher’s week in a student flat,” and acknowledging that our own single sex educated boy (even with rather more interaction than your son has atm) did find the first term in a university flat quite revelatory.

A mixed sex club would probably be the best way to "remind" him how to talk to girls and have them as friends. (I wouldn't knock ballroom — he'd be incredibly popular at university!)

My siblings and I went to single-sex schools (but from nursery) and did things outside school almost exclusively with the same sex as well. I think you'd call us all late bloomers (my first kiss was at 21 and I know my DSis was similar), but we were all happily dating or in relationships by our mid-twenties. Being honest, at university at first I was a bit scared of boys — I could chat to them happily and made friends, but was definitely nervous about a relationship.

Weirdly though, my siblings and I have all ended up married to/in LTRs with people who also went to single-sex schools!

He's 14. I doubt any boys at an all boys school have a girlfriend at 14!

Why do you want him to have a girlfriend at 14?! Agree about taking up horse riding though...the boys on our yard are fawned over😂

Mmmm, I would have a look at his phone OP to see what he's looking at.

Isnt 14/15 the age where most kids have their first love?
I would also encourage him to try a hobby thats mixed.

DS goes to an all boys school but he goes to army cadets and has no shortage of female attention 🙄.