Drinking

[helpnowplease]

I'm sitting in my hall watching over my 17yo DS to make sure he doesn't choke on his own vomit. He's wet himself maybe three times now. Not one coherent word from him. Unless you count 'fuck', which I guess you can. He was physically carried/dragged into our house by two friends a few hours ago.

This the worst state I've seen him in, although there have been similar. I thought he had turned a corner with drinking (which I realise is a ridiculous thing to say about a 17yo). He had counselling a while back when it was clear he was struggling with some things and also overdoing the drinking, but this week he's had a couple the last few nights, and then this tonight. He's not long back from holiday with friends and for all I know this happened on holiday too, but he did check in with me regularly each day and during nights out and I genuinely don't think he went this far on holiday, for that reason.

He is the the apple of my eye. But I literally don't recognise him tonight and I am scared of what he may become.

Where do I go from here with him please?

But, as @Harrystylestutu says, probably just a different manipulation tactic

Or a teenage peace offering?

It would be nice to think so, if that included accepting the grounding, and seeing that his level of drunkenness is an issue. But I can't see it.

I hate to say this and I know all about drinking… starts early in life and constantly gets worse. Usually there is a trigger, to name some, parents breaking up, loss of a loved one, some abuse from younger years, lonely, but drinking makes him think he’s the big I am… have you family members that are big drinkers? It’s hard for the OP to see this. But whatever the cause and sometimes your son may not know, it’s usually a trigger. It works sometimes having counselling, going to AA, but ultimately I am afraid as harsh as I sound, the OP has to want to stop, As it gets worse bottles and tins are hidden all over the home, under floorboards even. He needs to know and I am sure you will ultimately stand by him, but do not go in guilty mode and feed his addiction… just to keep the peace.. I binged drank when I was 17 going out with my friends, never drunk but I ended up nearly losing my life getting hepatitis and was in bed for a year not eating and only sipping water. Perhaps let your son read these posts, might be an option, drink kills and the last thing he would want is the shame of breaking up the family because of it. Good luck and I wish you both the best

How was last night op?💐

He didn't go out and we didn't talk. Stayed in his room mostly. A couple of his friends came by, but he just spoke to them outside the house for about 25 mins.

I knocked the door and did the 'goodnight, love you' before I went to bed, but that was pretty much the most extensive communication all day, bar the takeaway text.

He's just asked if he's allowed out a drive with a friend, and I said no. Seems he's accepted the grounding. Not sure now if that's too harsh and the grounding should be more about no pubs, parties, night outs?

Not really sure where to go from here. Can't face a kick off, and even worse atmosphere by trying to talk it over again.

And thank you for checking in @Harrystylestutu

Unfortunately some parents forget they are parents and treat the kids like their friends. Seen it so many times. To the OP this is your house, your son is old enough to make his own decision, get married etc. Maybe harsh as we all love our kids and want wants best, but this isn’t it. If your DS had any respect he wouldn’t put you through it. Being mamby pamby with kids makes them resent you in the end, they need tough love. By tough love I mean calmly state you WILL NOT have this situation again, disrespect me and you are out. Stick to your guns. Your DS will stay either with friends or his Dad for a while until he realises Mum isn’t a pushover. Currently Mum is making things worse. I was brought up fairly strict, but good guidelines, yes I still had a few binge sessions, and lied and stayed over with my then bf. I got clouted and banned from going out. Underneath I just wanted attention but the wrong kind. I was having sex with whoever I fancied, slept with my friends bfs and didn’t care, well that is what it looked like. I only came to my senses when I was raped. I never told my parents. But it was a jolt to my system. Now they know, but it was my choice to put myself in that situation solely to be loved. My parents love me and it was a path I chose for myself. My daughter I brought up similar, was open with her, and always let her bfs stay over at 17. Yes we had a few gripes as you do. Every situation is different.

Refusing help is madness however at 17 he is still living with you, so has to go by your rules. If he had left home, it’s solely on you DS…

Believe me offering your love as you are is great, he does need support and help, GPS, AA, Counselling, being put under to find out the triggers.

it doesn’t matter on MN what we say, you have to be tough, charge rent for starters. My DD was paying from the age of 14 as had a good part time job. No need to lose tempers.

leaving this issue, will make matters worse, binge drinking is actually worse than being alcohol dependent.

good luck and please act now, don’t be a scapegoat 🙂

That's good @helpnowplease don't back down and start feeling like you're being too harsh on him though, think back to Friday night.

Any updates? How’s your DS been. Hope you are ok

All was okay the last few days. We were having some conversation and all was calm.

But he's pushed his luck again tonight with the boundaries I put in place for this week. Had agreed on him going to the gym, out a drive, etc. Tonight he told me he was going out for dinner. To the pub. Told him no chance.

So he's staying with his dad tomorrow and Saturday.

Well done @helpnowplease I'm sure he wasn't best pleased but you're staying firm, good for you