If you have a child who isn’t glued to their phone…

[popsickle555]

How have you managed it??

DD is going to high school next year and will be getting a phone (not guaranteed but she expects she will as it’s the ‘norm’)

im really eager to try and encourage her to use it sensibly and do all I can to avoid phone addiction and am looking for tips on how to prevent this and model good behaviour myself.

DH and I use ours too much in my opinion so I’m happy to cut that down but we have rules of no phones at table / whilst watching Tv together etc and rarely look at them when out together as a family.

is there anything I can do…?!

Keep her busy with other stuff. Don't make it about NOT using the phone, but about all the other things you need to have a full life.

Try not to nag or have too restrictive rules. They want what they can't have so don't make it an issue unnecessarily.

Everyone leaves their phones downstairs when they go to bed.

DD doesnot really use her phone much, doesnt play games etc although does have Whatsapp and keeps in touch with friends. It helps that the wifi in her room issketchy so she spends tome in the family room instead so we are both together.

However, when she's not at sports clubs she's on her laptop, she's very into digital art and will sit drawing on her computer for hours. I've tried to tempt her away from it with physical art supplies but its not her medium.

Well mines autistic and use to get annoyed with people contacting him by message when he was busy 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤣

He does have too much screen time when he's on screens but he's also doing a computing course and works on computers so I don't mind too much.

Other than that he swim trains 21 hours a week so he doesn't really have time for much else

Sport, socialising, work.

Just model the behaviour you expect. If she sees you on your phone when sitting on the sofa / out together at a cafe / waiting in a queue then that’s what she’ll do. If instead you are chatting / reading a book / looking at the view then that’s what she will see as normal.

We didn’t do anything. They are just not that interested.

Have rules when she gets the phone.
So not after X time, not whilst doing h/w, not when socialising with you.

DD1 used to drive me mad with her phone when older. (16+). I'd pick her up from somewhere and she'd try to be on her phone on the journey home rather than chatting. For right or wrong I sometimes just waited until phone was away before I drove off.

Thanks these are good tips. I think we model relatively well but there’s room for improvement. I know for a fact as a passenger in the car I catch up on messages etc but rarely use when out and never when together doing stuff.

she is busy with sport, drama, singing etc so we will keep that going too. It’s good to hear that some have had success with this.

did all your kids have a phone at 11 / for senior school by the way?

I think these days it would be highly unusual not to have a phone at secondary school age. For social children it enables them to keep contact and arrange meetups. Some schools also use them in school, to look up information, or take photos of homework.
(With my DDs we blocked internet access initially.)

I have an 11 year old (f) and 13 year old (m), both use phones alot but it's mainly talking to friends so (rightly or wrongly) I let it go. DD has only just started secondary so is finding her place among new friendship groups, and DS is a really shy kid,bso

Posted too quick, sorry. DS is a really shy kid so I don't want anything to alienate him from his friends - they usually call each other when playing online together as they find it better quality than talking through the games.
DD particularly has plenty of arty hobbies that keep her off of her phone for long periods, and both have certain times that they can use their phones. Google Family Link is great as it limits their overall screen time, as well as turning phones off overnight

Mine aren’t allowed theirs at the table, that includes when we go out to eat as a family. Screen time ban after 7.30, and then we watch series on Netflix as a family. They do stare at their screens quite alot at other times though.

did all your kids have a phone at 11 / for senior school

That wasn’t the intention, but first time PE kit was left at home I dropped it at the office and was met with incredulity “can’t you text them to come and get it? How are we supposed to contact them?”

DC secondary school is in a market town surrounded by rural areas. This means we have had calls from DC when the bus broke down (!) or when they forgot PE kit, or had a sudden invite to do an event after school, etc.

School has a healthy attitude towards phones which I much appreciate.
The kids actually get to use their phones in some lessons (as calculators).
Fine to use between lessons & at break times for appropriate purposes.
Huge penalties for any prohibited use, such as secret filming or messaging during a lesson.

I don't think they have more phone-use problems than schools where phone use is more strictly controlled.

I've found dd needs it at school more and more, they encourage them to look things up where appropriate, or login to certain websites for example Duke of Edinburgh.

One thing I managed to do as a condition of my daughter getting her phone in year 7 was agree a time she had to “dock” it every evening. We had a docking station downstairs and initially she had to dock her phone at 8pm. This time got later as she got older and then at 16 we stopped doing this. Think it was really healthy and she totally accepted it and I explained it was to make her bedroom a sanctuary for a bit before bed.. Good luck with whatever you decide x

Honestly, when they get older it’s really difficult. I have one who self regulates. The other two just couldn’t. So I put a password protected daily limit on app usage.

They aren’t allowed to use their phones in the school grounds, which is brilliant. If they need to contact me, the school does it via the school app, which gives me a notification.