Suitable punishment for 14 nearly 15

[mumofblu]

Just wondering how others would respond

Dd was a nightmare last 12 months , running away , stealing , aggressive. This culminated with police being called and social worker now being assigned.
Last 3 months ( since splitting with awful boyfriend) and social worker meeting with us she's really calmed and I told her last week I could really see how mature she was becoming and well done . She was really happy .

Today she went out with a friend , our rules are keep tracker on so we know where she / phone is , tell us if plans changing ( going to another area) keep phone charged , come home on time given .

At 4 pm she text asking what time she had to be home . I said if in town before 6 , if local with friends 8 .
Then her phone died before she read msg

At 6 I called her friends mum who said her daughter had returned at 4 to watch football . Which my dd said she was going to do . I assumed they would be together . But my DD stayed in town and came home at 7:30 pm ( not 6)

She then said she's been shopping at 6 . A lie as shop she said she was in closed at 4:30 on Sunday

Eventually when I told her I knew her friend had gone home and not shopping she told me she had met a boy that we have told her we don't approve of . He is in alternative provision for behaviour and is always in trouble with police . He apparently really likes her but she says just friends .
Because she appeared to be turning a corner I'm so upset

She is arguing that she came home on time and I'm saying but you lied

Would you punish this , how ?

I don’t know OP. I‘m not sure I’d be too heavy handed. She did come home at a reasonable time after all and things have come so far. Could you praise her for coming home but say you’re worried about her with this boy and explain why? Make sure she’s confident with her own boundaries with him. It important to keep communication open. It sounds like you’ve done really well so far.

She showed she can’t be in trusted with that level of freedom. I would say that future outings have more boundaries. Specific destinations, shorter timeframes, and scheduled check-ins are all possibilities. As she shows that she can handle that then slowly the rules will be relaxed. So not exactly a punishment, but it is going to feel like one to her.

She came home at 7.30
I couldnt be upset about this

@Bigbus I agree she did come home . She was stealing with first bf , then the 2nd one was a whole new level of nasty . This one doesn't seem much better . She says they are only friends but I think he wants more . I have been telling her for a year of our concerns about him . And when I mentioned his name to her teacher he made it very clear of his feelings ( the boy was expelled from 3 schools for behaviour )
But she says I can't choose who she sees . And he's doing much better . Last bf was abusive but she covered up for him .

I'm upset , worried and scared

Is she in a state of mind where you can discuss this calmly? If not I'd leave it until she is then talk about how disappointing this is given how well she's been doing. She also needs to charge her phone before going out in future (and/or you buy her a battery pack for charging on the go).