Hypochondriac/lazy 17 year old

[bitachey]

urghh So fed up with my 17 year old DS.

He is the only one who has ever had a bad nights sleep/a headache etc…

He’s back at school on Wednesday and has promised to work through some maths in the holidays. We paid for him to go on a A level revision course due to him struggling last year. Needless to say he’s procrastinated and now is too unwell apparently.

He worked in a restaurant at the start of the summer then had a lovely (abroad) family holiday then a festival. I told him fine but you’ll need to do this work (the course tutor has set him before he starts back at school)

I think there is definite anxiety there around sleep/illness/A
levtks /the future so we’ve gone easier on him. But the laziness “exhaustion” drives me nuts. Would spend all day in bed if he could. It got so bad we took him to the doctor for a blood test and there’s nothing (physically) wrong with him. He refuses any talk of counselling/depression. He’s laughing away on some Netflix thing so is fine when he’s doing what he wants to do.

For the record, his brothers are not at all
like this.

I just feel like screaming you spoilt entitled
lazy little so and so!!! I’ve told him sometimes you need to just get on with it, even if you’re tired. That’s life.

The wifi is being turned off….

Help!

Some people need more sleep than others, his age range is 8-10 hours. If he is having headaches has he had a recent sight test? Is he hydrated enough?
His blood tests might all say ‘normal’ but normal doesn’t mean optimal, I certainly can’t function when my ferritin is the lowest end of normal but it is deemed to be fine.
Hows his diet? Get him some of these maybe?
www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/nature-s-way-alive-men-s-energy-multi-vitamin-tablets-60027955?gbraid=0AAAAAD96OoKjNMphba9Rs37zOGt44JHr-&skuid=027955&utm_campaign=shopping&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&&gbraid=0AAAAAD96OoKjNMphba9Rs37zOGt44JHr-&gclid=CjwKCAjwpKyYBhB7EiwAU2Hn2dO7xWHTVk5JrYywSsRcNiIc6tfYDh-WvRRcYXZ5SlOUvBSSeZ8M7BoCjsIQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

www.cambscommunityservices.nhs.uk/what-we-do/children-young-people-health-services-cambridgeshire/cambridgeshire-0-19-healthy-child-programme/sleep/how-much-sleep-is-enough

Thanks @WTHamIreading I will
look into those. I have tried to get him to take vitamins in the past but for some reason he doesn’t like doing it. He is so focused on the number of hours that he sleeps, always calculating it every day! He’s not a great sleeper and never has been so I try to avoid mentioning it as it seems to create more anxiety. The Wi-Fi turns off at 11 pm and he has limited data. I needed to do this as he would stay on his laptop all night otherwise. He seems unable to make choices that will improve his well-being. Drives me a bit nuts!

Could he have ADHD? The poor organisation, procrastination & poor sleep are all signs.

That’s interesting as his brother was assessed. He is dyslexic.

Sounds like nihilism.

@Wouldloveanother What?!

Nihilism means just seeing life as essentially pointless so why do anything. Seems a common theme in a lot of young men.

I don’t find that very helpful to be honest!

@Wouldloveanother Do you have teenagers?

Does he have part time job? If not, encourage him to get one as he's got too much time on his hands. I

Other than that, I think you need to leave him to it. He needs to motivate himself- and fail if necessary.

And I have a Yr13 DC.

@EttieWarbler Thanks. That’s an idea about a part time job. We’ve never really done that as they’re at independent school and so have lots of sporting commitments/Saturday school. However he opts out when he can, so actually has plenty spare time. I agree about the too much time on his hands.

I disagree about the letting him fail though. I’m not doing that! Too risky as I think it could be incredibly detrimental to his confidence. I’ll do all I can to help him and then it’s up to him.

Whats happening about the anxiety?

Self help, CBT type interventions, medication?

Because that is the root cause of it

@bellac11 nothing,as he refused all help. Or even discussion about it. He goes to school etc.. it’s mainly around sleep/illness. He chatted to the GP and a counsellor (private) and they didn’t feel he needed further help.

Thats very difficult then and you do have to be careful about enabling him. You said that you dont want to 'allow' him to fail in response to a PP but there is a need to empower by backing off, its a very difficult line to be honest

I also agree with another poster who mentioned nihilism, a long term chronic but mild depressive disorder can have the same look and outcomes.

He seems externally driven,, most people who suffer anxiety and depression are. But its a horrible cycle because the more other people push or 'do' for you, the more it cements that your life is outside your control/others are in control. Conversely, you then engage in behaviour which promotes others to step in and take control. All the while feeling resentful of their interventions.

He is young so really needs to get a grip on this now while he can overcome it and not set habits for life.

He’s impossible. Just had a big row when I told him that we (me him and his brother) could get some school stuff sorted out tonight. He’s refused to do it so I said there will be wifi free time then anyway. He’s just hit the roof at that . He’s spent the whole day on his bum on his laptop watching Netflix (he’s not feeling well apparently) and has done one hour of Maths. He’s not moved a muscle apart from that . I’m just knackered and soooooo fed up of him. He knows exactly which buttons to press.

Honestly the week he was away on that (residential) revision course I felt I could breathe. Makes me sad as we’re similar characters in a lot of ways and he can be such good company when he wants to be.

Sounds frustrating...
I would try to insist he takes the vitamins. Dd takes Wellteen and reckons they have helped boost her iron and stopped her feeling faint and dizzy. Although obviously a girl will have different physiological needs than a boy.

Sounds like he doesn't like Maths?? It can be a stressful subject to take if he doesn't like it.