What age would you allow bf/gf sleepovers?

[Pizzapastasalad]

Just wanted to see what other people's opinions are as me and my dh cannot agree.

What age would you agree to a bf/gf sleepover both with parents there and without?

16

18

I didn't allow it at any age in my house. My main concern was that I would allow my daughters to bring their boyfriends in to sleep-over, then they would split up with them, get another boyfriend and ask if they could sleep-over. etc etc etc. Then before I knew it, i'd allowed both my daughters to bring a string of men back to the house for sex!

Just a blanket no worked for me.

My lo is still a baba, but I wasn’t allowed a bf sleepover in the same until I was 21 and we’d been dating for 6 months..before then he’d sleep on the sofa. Didn’t bother either of us.

We allowed it at 16 (and three quarters) when they had been seeing each other for nearly 6 months. The boundaries seem to have been welcomed.

Not just an age thing for me. Would also need to be a serious relationship of at least 6 months where we had met the gf or bf several times.

I’d also have restrictions on how often they could stay because it can be harder for young people to end relationships when they have no safe space and opportunity for distance.

But to answer your question 18.

DS is only young so not something I need to think about right now.

But I think what my parents did was pretty good.
Had a 6 month rule, as in we had to be in a relationship for 6 months before sleepovers and then it was separate beds to begin with.

Think I was 17 when my first boyfriend stayed over. Even when I was 21, DH still slept in the spare room. In fact we moved in together at 10 months, so I don't think he ever slept in my bed at my parents house...

My ds turned 16 a week ago, his girlfriend is 17 next month and they have been together for 6 months. The gf is home alone while her family are on holiday and my husband thinks I should have no problem with ds staying over. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not.

It’s a tough one. Think depends on child.

I was 24/25, living with boyfriend of about 4 years, and we still had separate rooms at my parents’ house, so I thought I’d be relatively strict. DH’s parents were the other extreme, so we agreed we’d probably be somewhere in the middle.

DS got a a girl friend in y12, and suddenly she stayed over in October of y13 when we went away with youngest. DC2 was very loyal to sibling and said nothing, but they forgot we had a ring doorbell. I suddenly thought: they are both nearly 18. Very serious, very conscientious. (One going to Oxford, one going to Med school.)

When we came home, I just said - we saw X stayed over on Ring doorbell. I am fine with it, I just hope that X’s parents did not think we were home and chaperoning, it is really important to be honest with everyone. I added that I hoped they are both being really careful, the pill and condoms, belt and braces as I am really not up for looking after a tiny baby.

I don’t think I’d be OK with DS bringing a different girl back every weekend - but it’s not about the sex, it’s about respect for his partner, and respect for the other members of his family (incl 2 younger sisters) and this works for us.

My teens are 17 and 15, both are allowed to have any friends to stay, including if they are dating/talking/chatting/all the other complicated teen relationship definitions. For the 15 y o this is sleepovers in the lounge.

In your example, there is no way I’d allow it. Do you know what her parents think? They might not be happy with the idea of your son moving into their house whilst they’re away and sleeping with their daughter

30

I think being together 6 months is a red herring. It can be saying 'sex is a thing that should be earned and should be a long term commitment' when in reality sex can be a fun thing that is not the be all and end all, maybe its a better message that relationships don't have to be permanent as long as they are happy and healthy for however long they last?

@Derbee that's exactly what I thought, I have no idea what her parents would think.

I had ds when I was 17 and I don't want the same for him. While I understand they may be having sex and will likely find other ways, I don't feel like I should just give them free opportunity to be at it as much as they can.

Me and dh have fallen out over it all as he thinks I'm being ridiculous and too strict and ds should be free to stay over. He isn't ds bio father but we have been together since he was 3, he keeps throwing that it's 'my' decision as I'm his parent in my face and making constant horrible comments about it all.

We have recently had ds(18)'s gf of 8 months stay over. He never asked, so we suggested it was ok if he ever wanted to and they did a couple of weeks after.

He has matured a lot in the last couple of years, I don't think I would have felt the same at just turned 16.

DS didn't ask until was 18 so it was a yes.

My mother had a rule of no sleeping over, BF had to leave by 12pm, even at age 23 when we were waiting to sign our mortgage! It was her rules and I always obeyed it, I was allowed to sleep at BFs house but my mother didn’t want to encourage anything and didn’t want men staying

In the situation you describe I would let them. They’re doing it anyway. If he can’t stay the night, he’ll just pop round and shag her in the daytime then dash home again, you aren’t preventing anything.

I just think it’s nicer to train our young men that sex involves staying over and cooking breakfast the morning after, rather than a quick sneaky shag then leave as soon as you’re done. British men have crap sexual etiquette and parental uptightness is part of why. My DH had a strict upbringing with sex as ‘bad’ and it took him aaaaages to get over prematurely ejaculating cos of his feeling that sex should be a sneaky rush, and he still likes to dash out of the room as soon as he’s done 😕

Let your son have a nice sexual relationship. Her parents being away sounds ideal.

As long as the gf’s parents know they are staying at hers and they are sorted for birth control I can’t see an issue?

As he is only 16 I wouldn’t want him disappearing for two whole weeks but every few days seems fine.

I don’t know if you don’t like her (?) but even if that’s the case, trying to separate them will likely just prolong things.

@dane8

They can’t get a hotel room though, so either they will disappear to their partners house and you’ll hardly see them, or they’ll be shagging wherever they can find. Graveyards are still popular, I believe.