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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

No plan or ideas for the future

19 replies

LadyWentworth · 20/08/2022 16:13

DS (17) has just finished year 12. He isn’t particularly studious but is managing his A levels without great enthusiasm. He has no idea what he wants to do after next year. I’ve suggested uni, as I feel it would be a good experience for him and he has been to a couple of open days. He has agreed to think about it but isn’t very enthusiastic. The trouble is he’s not enthusiastic about anything! It’s so frustrating as he has so many options and his future is full of possibilities but he so directionless. If your teens were similar, what advice did you give them?

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 20/08/2022 20:11

I'm sure you have but have you talked about what happens if he doesn't make plans, like he'll have to work full time and pay board?

If he's really not sure, perhaps a years working will help him focus though Wink

ivejustgotthis · 20/08/2022 20:39

Yes exactly, six months working in an electronics shop reeeeally helped me focus.

Blendiful · 21/08/2022 13:28

To be honest I wouldn't push uni if he's not sure. Student finance is extortionate as are the costs of being at uni, and if you make the wrong choice it can be really hard to go back and do something else later.

If he doesn't know what he wants to do he will be much better off getting a full time job and waiting a few years to see if he discovers an idea of where he wants to go in his life.

He can then pay board and bills etc and get a taste of the real world and that may make him focus.

AliceMcK · 21/08/2022 13:30

Simple, full time education or work and pay board, his choice.

SaintHelena · 21/08/2022 13:44

Does he have contact wiht eg other family members in different careers. It's hard to imagine being eg an engineer or a florist if you don't have any knowledge of it or anyone to ask.
DH took DD to his work to see what some do.

Whataretheodds · 21/08/2022 13:49

It can be really daunting at that age - so much out there, expectation (or perceived expectations) of knowing what you want to do with the rest of your life.

As PP said lay out some the broad choices for him - and ask him what are the areas he'd like to find out more about? What does he think he might be interested in and what options are there to explore that area? Make it about gaining a bit more understanding, not a Big Decision.

Would he like to travel? Is there a hobby area he's passionate about?

gunnersgold · 21/08/2022 13:59

We told dd it's uni or a job . She chose uni , we will see though .
Staying in bed all day is not an option .

She had mental health issues so isn't just lazy but she still must do something .

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 21/08/2022 14:01

Has he got a part time job?

Needmorelego · 21/08/2022 14:06

What does he actually do with his time when he isn't doing school work? Or what did he used to do before the hell of secondary school and exams started?
What does he actually like? What did he play with as a kid?
He must enjoy something or have enjoyed something in the path. Could any of that lead to something.
I mean if someone had told me that being a Lego designer is an actual job my life may have gone down a different path.....

Needmorelego · 21/08/2022 14:07

past not path

OriginalUsername2 · 21/08/2022 14:14

Make the big wide world less abstract for him.

I remember not having a clue.. the working world was some mystical office with imaginary colleagues in my mind and not much else. Plus the feeling like everyone else knew what they were doing so I couldn’t ask “stupid” questions to figure it out.

redskyatnight · 21/08/2022 14:26

Suggest tangible options (university, apprenticeship, job, further education outside of university, some combination of these ...)

Accept that he has 50 or more years of working life ahead of him, so he is not required to make a decision or have his future life mapped out any time soon. Taking time out to consider options (whilst working at any job, volunteering or travelling ... dossing round house not accepted) is not a bad idea. It's a better one that just going to university because everyone else is.

Whataretheodds · 21/08/2022 14:28

Suggest tangible options (university, apprenticeship, job, further education outside of university

But these are abstract in themselves - how will he know which is the right option for him and what to study?

PritiPatelsMaker · 21/08/2022 14:37

I do agree with getting them to do some studying along with a job.

I've told DS he'll be expected to do some studying but it's upto him what he studies.

When he looked surprised I told him that at 18 I had a full time and a part time job and went to college as well.

redskyatnight · 21/08/2022 14:41

Whataretheodds · 21/08/2022 14:28

Suggest tangible options (university, apprenticeship, job, further education outside of university

But these are abstract in themselves - how will he know which is the right option for him and what to study?

I meant tangible versions of each option. So if he's interested in IT - he could do a degree in Computer Science which would be more academic, or Cyber Security which would be more hands on and more targetted. Or he could do an IT degree apprenticeship, or he could look at an HNC in (say) Networking offered by local college, or he could get an entry level job in an IT help desk. or he could get a job in McDonalds while he works out what to do with himself.

DelurkingAJ · 21/08/2022 14:41

Has he had summer jobs? I found those often focused my friends and I on what we wanted and what was needed to achieve that. My DM had a ‘no job, no allowance’ policy which motivated me to get said summer jobs…effective if you can afford it.

If he does go to uni then please get him to do something he enjoys. I am an accountant with a chemistry PhD and it really hasn’t been a problem making that kind of switch…if I’d hated a subject and got a 2:2 that would have hurt my employment prospects more!

redskyatnight · 21/08/2022 14:42

redskyatnight · 21/08/2022 14:41

I meant tangible versions of each option. So if he's interested in IT - he could do a degree in Computer Science which would be more academic, or Cyber Security which would be more hands on and more targetted. Or he could do an IT degree apprenticeship, or he could look at an HNC in (say) Networking offered by local college, or he could get an entry level job in an IT help desk. or he could get a job in McDonalds while he works out what to do with himself.

Show quote history

And then you can start to talk more about what each option means in practical terms, how it will impact future jobs etc. I think a really key thing to say is that no choice you make now is set in stone - you can always retrain/go back to education/try something different later.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 21/08/2022 14:49

A degree apprenticeship is a brilliant way to get a degree one day a week and work the rest of the week. No student debt plus learning a trade. It's the way forward!

Luredbyapomegranate · 21/08/2022 15:58

Don’t just push him onto uni - he’ll carry on loafing, if an apprenticeship interests him, do that. If not, he gets a job and pays rent - a year of that will concentrate his mind.

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