Talking to teenage boys about social media ‘stars’, misogyny, lifestyles.

[Chocchops72]

i don’t really know where to start but I’m hoping others are dealing with this too.

My 14yr old son watches a lot of TikTok/YouTube. We don’t actively monitor what he is watching as such (I don’t know how people do this with older children?). I look over his shoulder regularly, pop into his room, he’s not secreted away with it anywhere.

my concern is that, among all the video gamers and pranksters, he’s following / watching some men who’s thing seems to be ‘hustling’: making loads of money in slightly dodgy ways, very fast cars, big houses, ‘chicks’ hanging off their arms. 🙄. This is not something DH or I have any interest in but I’m aware that what we think is having less of an influence on what he (DS) decides to be into.

he clearly admires these men for their money, ‘coolness’ and general macho bollocks. He was talking openly about one channel, showed me some videos (which were quite funny, albeit very staged). So he’s not hiding anything, he genuinely wanted to show me how great they are.

i looked them up online later (Tate brothers): turns out one of them has several rape / sexual assault charges behind him (one from an appearance on Big Brother I think), and he’s currently being investigated for sexual / human trafficking through his house in Romania. I’d never heard of them before, BB and celeb culture so far from our radar. They just look like total assholes to me with really dodgy attitudes towards women and the law in general.

i genuinely don’t think the rape / sexual assault side of things has come onto DSs radar, though I haven’t watched the entire back catalogue of the Tate brothers to check 🙄.

so two questions:

What’s the best way to bring this up with DS, bearing in mind that he is in the full flood of teenage hormones / defensiveness? We generally have quite open communications but he can be quite confrontational and I find it hard not to get sucked into a shouting match, which doesn’t help anything.

How do you monitor what your 14/15 ur old is watching online?

i looked them up online later (Tate brothers): turns out one of them has several rape / sexual assault charges behind him (one from an appearance on Big Brother I think), and he’s currently being investigated for sexual / human trafficking through his house in Romania. I’d never heard of them before, BB and celeb culture so far from our radar. They just look like total assholes to me with really dodgy attitudes towards women and the law in general.

this guy is really popular amongst teen boys. My younger ds (15) has viewed some of his videos and we’ve had a few very heated debates as a result. He’s going around telling them that women hate men and want to eradicate men. It’s misogynistic crap.

It is a common thing for teenage boys to come across like little daily mail journos. They’re incredibly impressionable and often struggle with anger until their hormones settle down.

Plus all teenage boys know and are right about EVERYTHING

@Lemonblossom it’s dire, isn’t it? The guy has over a million followers.

Sorry but this made me chuckle. My nephew is just like it as was my brother 😁

Yep. It’s like he is trying out new personalities as he grows out of being a child. He’s clearly looking beyond his (very kind and respectful) dad and other male relatives, and impressed with these flashy, big earning, Top G types 🙄. or he sees clips on TikTok or whatever of someone ranting about some random thing, and just takes it all at face value 🙄.

I saw a tweet about including this in safeguarding training in schools and went looking. The Tate guy’s Insta was worrying, the tiktok was worse.

I raised it with my 16 & 18 yos, who both laughed and told me he’s an idiot. One of them sent me this -
m.youtube.com/watch?v=7TwMWv7HG-M&feature=youtu.be

Which I haven’t watched yet, but he said was interesting.

I am more concerned about my 12yo and the year 7 & 8s I work with and plan to mention it to our safeguarding lead for consideration. My 12yo doesn’t have any social media yet, so I have a bit of time to think about it. He’s autistic and not currently interested.

It is potentially dangerous stuff esp with young minds like sponges. Some of the stuff on TT and YT is mind-blowing. It's all about the money (to the platforms and the individuals). It's very much like the wild west. And unpoliced. If he's watching stuff like this when you are about to monitor it, what's he watching when you aren't there? Is he watching Andrew Tate? Jordan Petersen? To be honest I'm not sure how to deal with him; maybe from the other side. Ask him to make it personal so if xxx shown on the video was to happen to family member how would they feel? Get him to explain why they like what they are watching . Presume it's the dopamine hit. Others seem to be passing it off as very much 'boys will be boys' personally I'd be very worried.

Just re read and saw you said was Andrew Tate. You need to be worried.

Yes it is worrying. I teach pshe and am currently wondering how to tackle this on lessons. I think good role models are crucial.

So did you tell him about Andrew Tate?
I don't think you can monitor what DC watch, but if you have the counter information, just offer it casually.

I've just asked 13-yr old DS if he's heard of Andrew Tate as a result of this thread. I never had. Said he'd heard of him but not watched any. DD (16) shouted from the next room that she thinks he's a total dickhead, and explained in no uncertain terms to DS and I why that was, as well as showing us a couple of clips on Instagram to demonstrate. He's deeply unpleasant, but I feel like I've had a useful discussion with my DS about it/him. (DS is a thoughtful and sensitive sort of kid, with strong values - I think, I'm fully aware I see what he chooses to show me! - but he does move in groups of boys who I suspect are influenced by this sort of shit, and we've done some useful talking about that.)

Everyday is a (depressing) schoolday.

From my experience of girls (albeit fairly limited) they think he's a misogynistic twat, where boys often think he's fantastic. AT has obviously got his marketing right!

We talk a lot about it and I make sure he applies logic and common sense - I encourage him to not take everything at face value

Luckily he also follows what I'd consider to be ' good influence' accounts ... could you point him in the direction of maxlifts on tik tok for example?

But really it's just about encouraging some critical thinking and trying to look beyond the glitz

It's hard work though - mine is 15

On Instagram I follow instagram.com/lalalaletmeexplain?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=. Under her ' gross men' tab. She outlines why AT is beyond awful. Its about halfway through the section. She's generally great on boundaries and calling shit out.

So I spoke to DS. He says that he’s aware of the stuff AT has said about women and he does not agree with it. It’s his kickboxing skills and motivational / training stuff that he likes… and the fast cars / big houses / jet-set lifestyle are an added attraction. so we had (another) talk about respect, consent etc which is always a good thing.

It’s exhausting, this constant vigilance against outside influences, which seem to be coming from all directions. If AT was removed there would be a million other similar assholes taking his place. ☹️

Dear choccchops I was about to post the very same thing

MyDS is also 14 and just realising that he watching alot of this on tiktok and YouTube- have been feeling for a while we need to have big talks on misogyny etc but not sure how to broach these topics