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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Daughter going out and arrive late

34 replies

Moonraker007 · 15/08/2022 01:48

Last few weeks my 18 yr daughter goes out every day wearing sexy clothing.
She returns home about 12.30am
She says she is going out with a girlfriend. She does not answer my phone calls when out. Recently, even went out at 9am wearing sexy clothes.
When we ask her where she went and with who, the response is 'with my friend.'
We are very concerned.

OP posts:

FlyingandFrankie · 15/08/2022 01:49

She’s an adult. Tell her to be quiet as to not disturb you when coming in late. Job done.

Original poster

Moonraker007 · 15/08/2022 01:58

Yes, we are concerned about where she is going an what she is up to. We are a Muslim family.

OP posts:

Needachangee · 15/08/2022 02:30

OP, while I respect that you have your beliefs, I do question ‘sexy clothing’. I’m guessing what you would count as immodest is normal western clothing.

she is an adult. She can make her own decisions. Of course if you don’t believe in this you can ask her to move out, but would letting her live her own life with her choices be worse than losing your child ?

Original poster

Moonraker007 · 15/08/2022 02:36

Also, a few weeks ago, my wife walked in her room to discover she was taking pictures of herself wearing provocative clothing.
Her bedroom door is constantly locked.

OP posts:

MbatataOwl · 15/08/2022 02:37

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 15/08/2022 02:40

My eighteen year old comes home at 4am when she goes out. She's having fun with her lovely friends after they have all worked very hard for their A levels and will be going to university in a few weeks.

Monty27 · 15/08/2022 02:50

Jammie dodger

doubleshotcappuccino · 15/08/2022 02:59

Unless you want to slowly push her away let her live her life . If she lives in the UK she is surrounded by lots of other young women doing exactly the same and that's fantastic. I'm not sure about your description of clothing .. she's wearing normal clothes for a young woman who chooses to do so. It's your description that is abnormal. Can I also just say as someone who was raised in a similarly culturally claustrophobic household .. if it matters that much to you that we adhere to your strict rules don't bring us to a western country and the complain ..

Topseyt123 · 15/08/2022 03:07

She's 18. Not much you can do about it. By all means let her know that you are concerned, but she doesn't have to discuss it with you.

There may be much more to this. What do you term immodest clothing for instance? Wearing a pair of shorts in this very hot weather?

You need to respect her privacy too, not walk into her room and intrude. It seems as though you do do this, so she has taken to locking it.

I'm not saying that what she is doing isn't possibly concerning, but just let her know that you are there if needed, not intrude on her. That is really all you can do at 18. She is now classed as an adult, however mature or otherwise she may still be.

MintJulia · 15/08/2022 03:26

If this is for real.....

Your daughter is an adult, she lives in the UK, in a westernised society, and is entitled to run her life as she wishes. Taking selfies, going out with friends during school/college holidays and wearing light clothing during hot weather are all completely normal things for a teenager to do.

Rather than trying to spoil her fun, accept that she has the right to enjoy the freedoms of the society you live in. The alternative is to drive her away and eventually lose her.

Original poster

Moonraker007 · 15/08/2022 07:02

I appreciate this is a western society, but there are Islamic rules she must adhere to. She was bought up as a Muslim and it is important to us that she does not deviate.

OP posts:

liveforsummer · 15/08/2022 07:21

It's very hot. Most teens are scantily dressed at the moment - for practical reasons as well as of course they want to look nice. If you look around you'll see plenty groups of girls simply having fun together dressed as your daughter is. Nothing suspicious. They all pose for photos too. It's just what teens do in 2022

Leafy3 · 15/08/2022 07:22

Moonraker007 · 15/08/2022 07:02

I appreciate this is a western society, but there are Islamic rules she must adhere to. She was bought up as a Muslim and it is important to us that she does not deviate.

Some people drift away from cultural or religious rules as they become independent,it's ab important part of developing into an adult, but return to them in a few years.

I appreciate its very difficult for you,but you do need to let her - as an adult - practice her self expression. Attempting to impose strict controls on her at this point of her life will not only drive her away from you but the religion in which she was raised.

mattressspring · 15/08/2022 07:37

Moonraker007 · 15/08/2022 07:02

I appreciate this is a western society, but there are Islamic rules she must adhere to. She was bought up as a Muslim and it is important to us that she does not deviate.

I think you need to find out and accept what is important to her. She is now an adult and has more right to choose her life than you do.

Sniffypete · 15/08/2022 08:51

Moonraker007 · 15/08/2022 07:02

I appreciate this is a western society, but there are Islamic rules she must adhere to. She was bought up as a Muslim and it is important to us that she does not deviate.

But the beauty of bringing her up in the UK means that she is free to do as she chooses. She's 18, so legally an adult.

Sux2buthen · 15/08/2022 08:53

doubleshotcappuccino · 15/08/2022 12:42

We can't make decisions for our adult children, they're adults now, it's up to them to choose their own path . I had this exact situation in another strict household and honestly can say if you push them too hard they will leave you and shut you out of their life . Let her be.

doubleshotcappuccino · 15/08/2022 12:44

Moonraker007 · 15/08/2022 07:02

I appreciate this is a western society, but there are Islamic rules she must adhere to. She was bought up as a Muslim and it is important to us that she does not deviate.

But you look after your body and let her look after hers. It's not for your to decide for her.

Original poster

Moonraker007 · 29/08/2022 04:58

Update.
Now we have discovered that she goes out nearly every day at about 1 or 2 am and returns home about 9pm.
I did ask her where she goes; her response was she visits her friend, who she says is a girl.
I think I may need to follow her one night!

OP posts:

FlyingandFrankie · 29/08/2022 06:10

Please don’t do that. It’s creepy and weird and not normal. Shes an adult. I understand you have religious and cultural expectations, but she is old enough to make her own decisions regarding those now. Let it go.

Original poster

Moonraker007 · 29/08/2022 07:41

She may be an adult at 18 yrs but she is our daughter and we are concerned.
Besides some 18 yr olds are more mature than others

OP posts:

mattressspring · 29/08/2022 09:39

You are not concerned about her, you are concerned about you, your religion and probably your family when they react. I can see why she might be rebelling here.

Topseyt123 · 29/08/2022 10:52

Moonraker007 · 29/08/2022 04:58

Only do that if you really do want to drive her away from you completely.

doubleshotcappuccino · 29/08/2022 13:32

Is this a wind up? There can't be anyone considering stalking another adult to be a sensible solution. So many questions makes me think this is not a real situation, just one for starters : how would you know know already when she was out of the house?

Missmarps · 29/08/2022 20:33

Sux2buthen · 15/08/2022 08:53

Quite

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