End of my tether!

[Tiggy321]

3 teens/ young adults in the house. My issue is my 16 yr old daughter. She constantly doesn't come home at the time she is supposed to. Asks to go out, I say no and she just goes anyway. Total lack of respect for any rules / me. Blocks me on her phone, won't answer messages, calls etc. I literally don't know what to do! I take her phone away for a period of time, "chats" about following the rules, trust etc and then the next day she does exactly the same. It's exhausting and clearly she has zero respect for me or anyone else in the house. I have told her that I am cancelling her phone contract after this latest episode. She is so deceitful, untrustworthy and generally quite unpleasant most of the time. Had issues with one of her brothers but never to this extent. It's the total lack of respect for any rules which really gets me. I am not mega strict. She has freedom but it is NEVER enough. Constantly pushing the limits. Sorry I am venting but short of chucking her out (which clearly I won't do) don't know what to do. I am considering going with her to a psychologist to see if we can get anywhere. I want her to understand that I worry when I don't know where she is etc and there is a certain amount of rule following in a family / life in general. Any ideas anyone or anyone has similar issues? Please help before I totally loose the plot!

Just done GCSEs? Going to school next or onto college?

We had a lot of issues with our eldest at college. in the end I lowered expectations to reduce arguments but also lowered how much I did for her.
You have very little leverage at that age phone contract is one, lifts is another, and allowance.

(I'm only just getting over it all now 7 years later.)

I feel you. I have a 14 year old terrorist at home, and I hope to god it's just a phase. It's like suddenly every scrap of empathy and consideration has drained out of her. She only wants to interact about things she wants or things that have pissed her off. Apart from anything else, it's boring. Except for when she's raging around the place, usually about something that is a direct result of her own actions.

It's really hard - she could legally move out so I would see it more as the final window to keep an eye on her/keep her safe. In a couple of years (if she goes to Uni or gets a house share) you won't know if she's getting back at 4 in the morning. It's like she's practising for this but in a safe space. She just is this sort of teenager. Hopefully you have small moments of good connection? I would do less mothering, sorry, she will miss you in the end! (Sorry I've accidentally selected this emoji and weirdly can't delete it....😉)

Not in UK so not done GCSEs. She is quite frankly at times (ie most of the time) deeply unpleasant ! Took her and one of her brothers away for a few days and we did manage to have mostly a nice time when we went out for dinner each evening etc. Refused to do some activities with us but I just let it be. It really really gets to me, this "I hate the family and can do exactly what I want" attitude!! I feel like locking her in her room for the next 2 years!!

Yeah, we're actually right in the middle of this but I have to believe that if you used to have a good relationship, it has to happen and will pass. I'm kind of marking the weeks off like a prison wall, but then after that I can't even imagine the bit where you can't even see them get home in the end...but I grew up once (and was a pain)

tell her to listen to areefa franklin r e s p e c t girl