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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How relaxed are you around dinner times?

31 replies

PesterPower1 · 11/08/2022 18:07

We eat around 6pm. In recent months, my 15 year old is either out with friends, at the gym or (due to summer holidays) had eaten lunch very late and just isn't hungry until a lot later (and it doesn't suit us to switch dinner to 8.30pm to suit him on occasion!)

Other times, he will be playing a game with mates so will either want to eat at his desk or eat a bit later. And then other times, he eats at the table as normal

It was driving me mad but now I've just decided does it ACTUALLY matter - and I'm just popping his meal on the side, covered, to be reheated

So how strict are you on this? Do you let your teens do as they fancy when it comes to dinner?

OP posts:

MaggieDragon · 11/08/2022 18:12

We all eat together if we’re in and I wouldn’t reheat a meal just because DS was gaming. I do let him know when things will be ready though so he can let his friends know. That’s the norm in his group- he’ll often make plans to go online at a particular time that fits around his and his friends’ dinner times.

OTOH I think I’d struggle with dinner at 6 as well. Too early for me.

NotMyDust · 11/08/2022 18:21

I adjust meals to tune in with what the teens are doing (within reason). 6 is early imo but i guess theres a reason for that, younger dc maybe?

My approach doesn't always work anyway as one of them often refuses to eat with us after 5 minutes but that's mainly because we are "soooo annoying" .

mondaytosunday · 11/08/2022 18:22

My son cooked his own meals from age 13 (strict regimen) but if he was around and I was cooking for us all he'd just tell his mates he had you go for half an hour if gaming. If out then it would be up to him to sort (unless I was making diner he my like lasagna when I'd just leave home some), but on a weeknight he wouldn't be out unless for sport practice.
Frankly life is full of battles and this isn't one I will engage in.

monsterastuckiosa · 11/08/2022 18:22

If it doesn't suit you to eat at 8:30 to suit him, it's a bit tough to expect him to eat at 6:00 to suit you.

Can a middle ground not be found, if eating together is an important part of your family life?

If not, and you're the one cooking, then there's nothing wrong with him reheating what you've made when he's ready.

DSS (16) sorts his own dinners a lot of the time these days for similar reasons and it's been a nice way for him to learn to cook.

Frenchfancy · 11/08/2022 18:23

We all eat together but much later, 7:30-8. If DD has something on that means she will be late we either eat later or save her some.

No one eats in front of the computer or in their bedroom.

liveforsummer · 11/08/2022 18:23

Dd is 12 and if she's out I just leave it for her. Imo I'd say gaming in the home they'd stop and come and eat but maybe if I had a gamer in the household I'd think differently. By 15 I'm not sure it's an issue if they eat at their desk sometimes. Yes it's lovely l to eat as a family but gets less practical as they get older

toomuchlaundry · 11/08/2022 18:25

DH doesn’t finish work by 6pm even when WFH, 6pm is very early to eat for adults unless you have to get up super early in the morning

Coffeaddict · 11/08/2022 18:26

At 15 I wouldn't make this a hill to die on. I think leaving it to reheat is perfectly reasonable, alternatively he can
Cook for himself later

redskyatnight · 11/08/2022 18:26

if teens are in at dinner time (and we don't have a fixed time) then I expect them to sit at the table and eat it.

If they will be out I'd like to know in advance whether they want a dinner put on the side to reheat or if they are sorting themselves. Although if they do end up eating elsewhere, it just gets put in the fridge for the next day.

If they will be in a bit late than normal I might make dinner to fit in, but don't feel obliged to.

They also cook once a week, which I think has helped them to realise why I ask.

abovedecknotbelow · 11/08/2022 18:27

6pm is very early, are there younger siblings? Dts are 11 and we'd never be ready to eat at 6. I wouldn't want to either.

I think you meet in the middle somewhere or let him get in with it. I'd insist on one meal a week together though.

Cluelessgift · 11/08/2022 18:28

Skipping meals for gaming isn’t an option.
but if they’re out with friends, playing a sport or anything out side the house then I don’t mind.
we also don’t eat at a set time anyway
I just request certain meals
eg. On Sunday we’re going to make x, I’d like everyone to be there please, is that ok?
and then they can juggle plans around it, so I know we’ve spent some time together.

Hellocatshome · 11/08/2022 18:29

We cook food for when it suits us and DS2 and put a plate together for DS1. DS1 who is 15 will eat with us if he is home which he rarely is or warm his up when he comes home. I'm not precious about meal times I would rather he be out having fun with his friends, girlfriend going to the gym, playing football etc.

MrsRinaDecker · 11/08/2022 18:29

It’s just me and 15 year old ds at home. We usually eat together between 7 & 8, usually on the sofa, and we usually have a series on the go that we watch an episode or two while we eat.
If he’s out I’ll usually save him some, or if I’m out for the evening we usually just sort ourselves. For something like D&D where it’s organised and just happens to be online, he might take his meal to his room (I think they play about once a fortnight) just general gaming, I’d let him know when food would be ready and he’d try to finish up.
So yeah, pretty relaxed, I want meals to be enjoyable, not a battlefield or duty.

EquallyDivided · 11/08/2022 18:35

Totally flexible here, we all go out a lot for exercise and need to work round that also DH's irregular work hours, the teen DCs often cook for themselves (or all of us). We don't make a big thing of all sitting at the table together, we get plenty of other family time. They've been doing their own breakfasts and lunches for years too.

UWhatNow · 11/08/2022 18:35

At the age of 15 there was so much going on in our family (3 teenagers) in the evenings that set meal times pretty much went out the window (yeah!) We just ensured there was enough variety of foods in for him to either make his own (a good habit for him to get into) or heat up leftovers. Occasionally the schedules synch and we all sit together and eat - it becomes a celebration not a chore - we chat and catch up. They thank me for making food.

Don't make a rod for your own back by trying to hold back the years. Embrace the independence - his and yours.

Jki · 11/08/2022 18:38

We all eat at different times. Not strict at all. Teens can eat at their desks when they want. Too many other concerns to make this one to focus on. If I’ve prepared food I leave it for them and they serve themselves.

Jellybean23 · 11/08/2022 18:46

If the kids were home, we ate together, they had to stop what they were doing and come to the table. In the school holidays, son was often eating very late lunch which he'd prepared himself (often a fry up or two rounds of sandwiches plus extras) but the deal was he still needed to eat dinner with the rest of us. He never said he wasn't hungry, he ate it regardless.
If they were coming home later, I tried to make meals they could reheat themselves.

HorribleHerstory · 11/08/2022 18:48

Sunday dinner is at a fixed time because it’s always a roast and always two courses and we always have guests, teens always seem to want to come to it so never really had an issue but if they were out with friends or whatever then they could fend for themselves later. But if they are in the house they know to expect it.

all other nights, whatever really. We don’t have a set eating time. The past two nights we haven’t actually had dinner at all thinking about it. All DC are old enough to cook if they want to. Sometimes I cook just for me, sometimes just for adults, sometimes DH cooks, sometimes the teens cook and sometimes we just please ourselves. We always ask who is hungry and who wants to eat before the cooking starts.

they all turn up if we offer a takeaway though!

TeddyTrucks · 11/08/2022 18:50

We (Husband and I) eat around 8.30 but DDs (11 and 14) eat around 6.30. They sort themselves out - both enjoy cooking and I think it's a great skill that we should encourage. They plan what they want to cook and ask me to buy it. It works for our family. They're rarely out beyond 7pm so we still get plenty of family time.

Original poster

PesterPower1 · 11/08/2022 18:53

Thank you for all the responses, interesting how everyone does it!

6pm suits us as a family and he's usually starving for it that's for sure! But it's not about that .. I was working through whether it actually matters to try and centre stuff around dinner. We spend time together doing other stuff like walking, meals out and watching box sets etc

I just caught myself being all huffy the other week as he said he wasn't hungry as he'd eaten at 4pm but then I thought it through and decided it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things

OP posts:

doodleygirl · 11/08/2022 18:56

6 pm is too early for dinner, I don’t blame him for not wanting too eat at that time. I think you need to be more flexible with dinner times or let him eat later.

tigger1001 · 11/08/2022 18:59

If we are home then we eat together.

We are generally relaxed about meal times during the week due to work/activities so don't eat much together Monday - Thursday but I wouldn't accept gaming as a reason not to come to the dinner table. And if I did, I wouldn't be cooking for them

it's not a hotel. If they wanted to eat at a different time, the kitchen is that way ...

Original poster

PesterPower1 · 11/08/2022 18:59

@doodleygirl if you read the thread you'll see that I do allow him to eat later and also, for us, (not you, obvs) 6pm is not too early the majority of the time

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Jki · 11/08/2022 19:01

I was working through whether it actually matters to try and centre stuff around dinner. We spend time together doing other stuff like walking, meals out and watching box sets etc

I think spending time together is important but the idea that it must be done around meal times isn’t essential- we do a lot together as a family, eating meals together at home just isn’t a priority.

Original poster

PesterPower1 · 11/08/2022 19:02

Anyyyway, before some people get weirdly fixated on the odd sentence I've written, I'll say thanks for the majority of responses

Food for thought

OP posts:

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