Teenager has smoked weed

[FlorencePennnywell]

He's 15, 16 in august. He's relatively sensible, not off the rails or anything and our relationship is very good on the whole. He's what I'd describe as a typical lazy teen tbh.

He's been going out a little more recently with school friends - he's known them since he was 7. Doing the usual stuff - hanging around the playing field etc And usually back by about 9.30 ish

He was out last night until 9. We went for lunch today and he said it was a bit mad last night with loads of people there, some older kids etc.

I half jokingly said ' you didn't take any drugs did you?' and he said ' yeah actually, I had 3 puffs of someone's spliff'

We chatted more about it and I said on the one hand I was pleased that he had told me and happy he felt he could be honest with me but on the other hand I was disappointed and worried

He's said it didn't do much for him, he 'doesn't think' he will do it again and that he doesn't think it's a huge deal. Which he would say of course!

So I'm torn on how to deal with it. I've expressed my disappointment. I've mentioned how this does not go hand in hand with his fitness goals. I've said the usual without going on and on. I have not condoned it and he knows I am anti drugs

And I've tempered this with 'well done for being upfront with me'

I know this stuff is normal for a lot of teens and I know it happens but it doesn't stop me worrying. I know he hasn't done it before but who knows if he will do it again? I can't govern this. I like to think he wouldn't but Christ knows

How would you deal with it? I wanted to come down on him hard but that will just push him away and my chances of knowing anything going forward would be zero

Most teenagers do try weed once or twice. I did the same as him at the same age as him. I disliked it and haven't really bothered with it ever since. It put me off.

I'd let it go for now but keep an eye out for signs of more use. Also maybe talk to him about the paranoia and brain damage it can cause in teens

I can't see what the purpose of taking any other line would be..he is nearly 16 you can't control him with disapproval.

My ds is an occasional weed smoker, I'm not naive and half expected him to do it once he went to 6th form.

What's more important is that he feels comfortable talking to us about it, this is so so important during these potentially tricky years of parenting older teens!

@waterrat I'm not trying to control him via disappointment.

However, as a parent, we are allowed to express it when our kids do things that disappoint us, yes? He smoked weed, that worries and disappoints me. Those are normal reactions. It would be abnormal to just go ' ah bless you! Crack on love!'

I wouldn’t worry and the reason I say that is because I was a very habitual daily smoker for over a decade and had an extremely high tolerance. Horrendously there were times when I smoked 7g in a day and could still write a first class dissertation.

I stopped a number of years ago and have on occasion had a few tokes of others spliffs - not particularly heavily loaded ones but certainly good weed. They knocked me sideways.

The point I am trying to make is even mild weed even a small amount would have quite an effect to a non smoker. So I doubt there was much of anything in there at all.

Have you gone on to have a good, professional career after that?

I know very few people who were heavy users who did.

Yes, have a masters, early 30s, own my own 2500ft detached home with high LTV, work in a professional field freelance, run two businesses (one successful and one dragging along) and probably work a couple of days a week on average (I also hire my DP). Also have a part time hobby job which is for my passion, socialisation, mh and exercise. Have partner and one child. I think I am doing ok.

I did have a close call with psychosis a number of years ago which was probably from the weed. That’s when I stopped. So not all Roses.

A lot of my friends smoked quite heavily from high school and uni. Everyone’s doing fairly well actually.

I did know of a few ppl who went off the rails but don’t think I can pinpoint weed exclusively. One was cocaine but doing well now after prison stint for taking a large amount into a festival and has started his own business as a sparky. The others were a small group who put student loans in Bitcoin back in the day. They are multi-multimillionaires and all bar one have thoroughly lost the plot in far flung climes naval gazing about the meaning of life and taking psychedelics in pursuit of finding themselves.

Theres a couple of floaters who haven’t had great success; who didn’t know what they wanted to do or wanted to be something quite unachievable like famous musician/DJ. I think that’s the norm though for most groups.

We were an interesting bunch but I can’t say we were low achievers. Seems quite surreal when you write it down like that! 🤣

It’s nearly unheard of in my business. Not completely, but it seems very rare. Cocaine and / or alcohol are quite common, but not marijuana.

And I should add for any youngsters who ever find this… have probably knocked at least a decade or two off my life. It was fun but in hindsight don’t recommend!

What’s your business Imwell

Investment banking.

To be fair I don’t know any investment bankers who smoked heavily no. So maybe your right.

But I do know lawyers, authors, engineers, architects, actuaries who did and bar the last still do.

It’s not something you really talk about though so you might not know. I am female, educated and well spoken so don’t raise suspicion and have spotted many a smoker in my time who you wouldn’t expect. It’s always the late night stolen roll up on a work event that gives people away 🤣 If someone right handed rolls from the left hand side then 9/10 that’s a weed smoker!

Not all teens try smoking weed (mine didnt) but it's pretty common. I work with teens in care and not all of them have tried it, although many of them are habitual smokers.

I think you did well OP, and there is nothing wrong with showing disappointment.