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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

When does the worry end? When does it get better?

10 replies

Snuggleworm · 08/08/2022 17:21

So my dd is 18 and we just seem to stumble from one issue to another all through her teenage years. Just when we think " phew thank God things are going well" boom another issue arrises.

I am worn out with it, counsellors, phsycologists, school refesal, has just left her job now which is fine as she needs a rest before starting college in Sept ( we are in Ireland) . Has lost so much weight that it is worrying. Constant battle to get her to eat now. But when I try I am told I am toxic to be commenting on her weight. Broke up with her boyfriend with no real warning or signs. We were all shocked, he was too.

I know there are lots of red flags for mental health issues but believe me we have been through every single one of them but I just cannot do the worry anymore. And she won't see a counsellor.
I thought by 18 she would be somewhat matured.

I have looked on that fb group parental mental health but they seem to have bigger issues like self harm, suicide etc so I just don't know where we fit in or where we went wrong along the way.
Please tell me it gets better? She is an only child to seperated parents. Both remarried with no other siblings.

OP posts:
Hopeandlove · 08/08/2022 17:24

Is she NT or is it undiagnosed AdHD or something else, I’d try those avenues first - I’m really sorry I have no good advice x

Original poster
Snuggleworm · 08/08/2022 17:33

Myself and my husband reckon she is and we had nearly got to a point of being diagnosed when she decided she did not want to go ahead with it. Her biological father was against the idea too.

OP posts:
TokyoTen · 08/08/2022 17:33

I hear you! It's very difficult/impossible to know what to do for the best. I have tried to always be supportive and encouraging with all difficulties and problems and never been cross. I've tried to step back and be there, but not actually take charge if you see what I mean. I think they do work through it eventually on their own, but it's hard to stand by and watch the angst (much of which seems unnecessary). DC is early 20's by the way.

Original poster
Snuggleworm · 08/08/2022 17:37

TokyoTen · 08/08/2022 17:33

I hear you! It's very difficult/impossible to know what to do for the best. I have tried to always be supportive and encouraging with all difficulties and problems and never been cross. I've tried to step back and be there, but not actually take charge if you see what I mean. I think they do work through it eventually on their own, but it's hard to stand by and watch the angst (much of which seems unnecessary). DC is early 20's by the way.

Thank you, I just am at my wits end and it is now ( after all these years) finally having an effect on my own mental well being.

I know there are no answers really. As she says herself, she is an adult and can do what she wants.

This prob sounds really selfish but I am sick of being a parent. Like I am nearly done. I have tried counselling myself to deal with it but deep breaths and meditation don't work for me.

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 08/08/2022 18:00

Is the weight loss a new issue? Is she eating?

I know what you mean, I feel the same. My daughter went from a high needs baby, to a demanding toddler, to a tricky child and now a hard work teen!!

It's not all been bad, she's a lovely girl but it is tiring wondering what the next issue/crisis will be.

My dd has been struggling with an ED for the last two years which does make everything a lot worse. Anorexia is triggered by weight loss so unfortunately you're probably right to be worried about that 😕

BungleandGeorge · 08/08/2022 18:09

I think it’s tricky for you as she’s 18 so you have limited influence and rights. It sounds like she might have an eating disorder which is certainly not a minor issue.

Original poster
Snuggleworm · 08/08/2022 19:12

I def think she has an ED for sure but she won't listen to me, this is just the latest in a string of issues but yes she has lost a lot of weight recently kinda since May . She is tall and slim anyway but this weight loss is dramatic in the past few months. Her dad is saying just don't pester her and it will sort itself out.

She eats but very little, it all started when she wasn't getting time to eat with her job and was working hectic shifts but she doesn't eat enough calories to even maintain the weight she is let alone put on any of the weight she has lost. I just do not know what to do at this stage.

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 08/08/2022 20:21

Snuggle** you can join us on the teens with an ED thread, we're a friendly bunch and have all been where you are now. Unfortunately ignoring an ED is not an option as anorexia is life threatening.

Original poster
Snuggleworm · 08/08/2022 20:48

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 08/08/2022 20:21

Snuggle** you can join us on the teens with an ED thread, we're a friendly bunch and have all been where you are now. Unfortunately ignoring an ED is not an option as anorexia is life threatening.

Thank you

I just don't know what to do as this ED is all new to me and she will not speak, she won't go to a doctor and says she is fine that it is just work etc. How do I get her to even agree to see someone now when she won't even admit it to herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snuggleworm · 08/08/2022 20:50

How do I find this thread?

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