Keeping my counsel dd14

[mumofblu]

My dd has come out of a 6 month relationship with a boy same age who was obsessive , controlling , in trouble at school and now been moved to another school . They had unprotected sex , my DD ran away and he hid her at a friends of his for one night .Police had to be informed because of this . She had extensive bruising from him on her upper arms , first she said it was consensual from a game , then told me he was holding her down but wouldn't say more .
Because I called the police when she went missing social services are now involved and things are improving and bf has gone .

I know I have done the right thing in protecting her , sw has said we have done a brilliant job . I had no choice because of what she told me and the bruising I saw ( and others were asking me about ) and the going missing overnight .

But she hates me and says she will never confide in me again .

How do we rebuild ?

I have a feeling DD may need to talk to a rape crisis counselor, sadly.

It sounds as if she was in way over her head, and I would say the unprotected sex was far from consensual.

It's very possible DD is feeling ashamed even though it sounds as if all of this was driven by the boy, feeling she was made a fool of in public, and what she really wants is to find a big, deep hole and crawl into it.

I would contact Women's Aid to see what they offer for teens who have been caught up in violent rationships. If they don't offer anything, maybe they could refer you to a counselor.

I think you need to take DD to a std clinic for testing.

Ask her if she would prefer to talk things over with you or with a counselor. Keep trying. Assure her that you are not judging her, that strong, intelligent women much older than her have been treated really badly by men they loved too.

You are a fantastic mum. You did everything right here.

@mathanxiety

Thankyou thankyou

She is already seeing a trauma counsellor following an assault she experienced when much younger that she didn't want to access support at the time but was rearing emotions in puberty .

The unprotected sex was definitely instigated by her ( I saw conversations on phone ) but the bruising was later.

I agree that she has probably found herself in a very difficult and vulnerable position and is projecting her feelings onto me , blaming me .

I have spoken to her in conversations about co ercive control , consent , dv previously and she recognised that this boy was not treating her well . But he finished it and since then (2 months ago) she has hardly spoken to me .

It is possible she was trying to regain control of sexual situations or close physical contact with others then, in a way that could have backfired horribly.

I think you are right that she is angry with you for reasons to do with finding herself vulnerable and powerless in a situation where she believed she was in control.