Teen WhatsApp group chats

[BlackandJello]

DS is almost a teen (just turned 13 in June). I had noticed a big decline in his mood and behaviour at home recently. This resulted in me taking his phone off him and I decided to check through it and make sure nothing untoward was happening.

What I have found has shocked me from a group of 13 year old children. Lots of talk of a VERY sexual nature, hardcore pornographic images, evidence of self harm. Also a lot if bullying aimed at DS, lists and lists of all the things they don't like about him and then when he gets upset and calls them idiots they all pile on him like he's a mass murderer! One of them said he made her self harm because he posted a heart and smiley face emoji when she asked him not to! I turned his phone off and when I turned it back on a few hours later there were over 500 messages, it's relentless.

DS isn't perfect, there has been some inappropriate messages from him to for which I have sat him down and spoken about. DS is very academic, however being one of the youngest in the year socially he lags behind a little so we have also had a chat about some of the things the group had pointed out that they don't like about him.

I feel like I need to take it further but I don't know the parents of these children. I would normally report to the school but we are not back til Sept. I have already noticed an improvement in DS' behaviour since removing his phone and it's been a lesson learned for me about checking more carefully.

Sorry meant to say DS is almost just a teen.

I feel your pain, it's a horrible minefield. Ds13 has been on the receiving end of some nastiness on WhatsApp groups, culminating in him being removed from the group chat by one of the other boys. He's much happier without it, tbh, but is socially adrift this summer as he's not in the loop with plans.
I would encourage your ds to leave this group chat. These people are not his friends and it sounds pretty toxic. If the online bullying continues approach the school after the holidays.

My ds is also one of the youngest in the year and definitely lags behind socially. I didn't think it would make a difference by now but it really does.

They are generally pretty bad but these sound at the extreme end and if school was open would definitely be something to flag with them. As is isn’t the best approach is not to get involved. They will get bored and move on (to some poor other soul)
Snapchat is even worse.
I would definitely limit his phone use-ideally or when he’s with you.

Op please flag with school. Harmful bullying behaviour and serous sexual images is appalling.

Thank you for your replies.

I am definitely flagging this with the school when it reopens, it's a massive safeguarding issue (the porn and self harm) and the parents of these children need to be aware of what they are accessing on their phones on a regular basis.

Most of the pornography is coming from the girls in the group, they seem to be the older and more mature ones. They talk about pornhub and watch it like its on the BBC! I understand they are curious but this is definitely not the right way for them to be learning about sex. Lots of talk about kinky stuff, BDSM and most of them state they are gay/trans etc (that seems to be a very hot topic of conversation).

DS has not had his phone for 3 days now and the improvement in his mood and behaviour is remarkable. I thought he would be mad at me but I can see he is relieved to be away from it all.

I'd email the safeguarding lead at school now, TBH. Although we're not technically being paid we are checking emails so would pick this up. They need to be making parents aware of what their children are watching and sharing.
My advice for anyone whose child is bullied online would be to initially report to the platform they're using. WhatsApp has a user age limit of 16 (for data collection and handling reasons) so none of them should actually be using it, but I know it's a bit of a white elephant and my own 15yo has an account, with frequent monitoring, so I'm not preaching.