Teenage Sleepovers

[mrsdeedow]

Background
I have a son (15) with a girlfriend (14 - almost 15). They have been dating exclusively for over a year and I've been very good friends with her Mum for 5+ years. It came as a surprise when they started dating as we didn't meet together as families and so didn't realise they were so close
The 'Set-up'
DS spends time at his girlfriend's home regularly. My friend and I agreed on a firm set of rules so there was no playing each other off each other. He can stay there late into the evening until my friend goes to bed. He has fallen asleep there during the day. They have been alone at times, both in and out the house.
The Predicament
They are now asking us if he can sleepover there. I of course said that initially it is my friends home and she should be the one they asked first, although I was also messaging my friend to see where she stood and it was the same as me. If I am being honest, I'm not keen on the idea. While we are not naive, we know that if they were going to do anything they'd be finding a way and that sort of thing doesn't just happen at night, we also feel that allowing it is us also enabling anything and that they are just way too young. Not just that, but on my point of view, the girl always comes off worse and if word gets out that my son stayed over then it could give a bad reputation for something that admittedly could be innocent.
So teen parents, WWYD? Are we wrong for saying not until you are both 16 at least?

I would say no. It’s not about 'well they will do x and y anyway' it’s about being a parent and setting expectations.
in any case they are both underage.
Also why do relationships this young have to get to serious so quickly. Absolutely nothing wrong with just dating.

Yesss! This is exactly what I have said. I know it was a different era but I wasn't allowed a boyfriend until I was 18 never mind a boy in the house.

You will get a range of answers from a strict "not under my (or anyone elses) roof" to a cool "well they are going to be doing it anyway".

You need to do what you feel comfortable with.

With my teen (now 18) I was closer to the not under my roof train of thought, but with lots of chats about contraception, consent, respect, sexual health. Also talking about either or both of them being too immature and the strong emotions that come with that level of intimacy if it all goes wrong (they split up or a pregnancy/termination).

It would be a no from me until they are both 16 at least. Ds16 has a girlfriend who stays at ours until quite late in the evening and vice versa, but I don't think I'd be comfortable with her sleeping here even - thankfully they haven't asked.

It would be a no from me. Neither of them are 16. At night they would hopefully just be sleeping, not talking or watching films etc. There is no massive distance involved, ie they don't live 50 miles apart so drop off and collection are easy to do.

As the Mother of sons I have always been very worried about an unplanned pregnancy because my sons do not have control over their girlfriend's body. It is entirely her choice if she were to continue a pregnancy. I would not be condoning a 14 or 15 year old in a relationship and sleeping over makes it feel more grown up and serious. They are so young. It just gives them more opportunity to have sex so because of that alone, it is a no to sleepovers.

A no from me as well. You are right - if they want to do it they will find a way but by allowing them to sleep over sends a message that you are okay with it. 14 is far too young.

Big respect to you though for considering how she could come off if it got out. I don't think that's something that a lot of boy-mums think about. Maybe it is, but reading that from you makes you sound very kind and thoughtful

It would be a no from me, my rule has always been 16 and left school before boy friends condo Saturday over.

Ffs. Could stay over

Sure he can stay over.
If they both agree to him sleeping on the couch or in the spare bedroom that is😁