Unhealthy relationship

[LostFrog]

DS is 15, but I would say an immature 15. Not ‘worldly’ as in doesn’t have a good grasp of the adult world, quite sheltered due to the place we live in. Has recently stopped spending time with friends as they have different interests to him apparently- they have started going to the gym for example which he is not into.

He has also recently got a girlfriend and it has got very intense very quickly. They spend nearly all their time together and I have found out that they have been going up into the woods alone. Constant texting. She has been to ours for tea 4 times in the past week. He can’t go to hers as she lives rurally - she gets dropped off by parents over here. Her family is v large and I get the impression they are not too bothered about where she is half the time. I have read his messages and they are not having sex thank god but it is clearly physical and there is lots of talk about kissing and things they want to do in the future. I think he is too emotionally immature to be in such a serious relationship, but he will not talk to me and I don’t know how to express my concern without driving him away further. what the heck do I do??

Have you a reason to think he is immature
Is it first gf
Is he an only child
At 15 lots of teens are at kissing stage and some even further physical
Did you talk to your parents about boys at 15.
I know us mum's worry but he may be more mature than some 15 year old
Handhold and hugs to you teen years are hard

Thank you x
It is his first ‘proper’ girlfriend. He doesn’t read or watch films or TV so his understanding of people and relationships and emotions is quite limited I would say, compared to my 13 year old. I did talk to my mum yes - he doesn’t talk to anyone, me or dh or anyone else, despite our efforts. I wouldn’t mind him not talking to me if I felt that he was talking to someone, but he is like a closed book.
If he was still spending time with friends, and was communicating, I wouldn’t be as bothered by the fact that he is in a physical relationship, but it’s the intensity and exclusivity that rings so many alarm bells for us.
she has gone away this week (with another family) and we are away the week after that so there is some reprieve.

Just tell him you're there for him no matter what . Encourage some new new hobbies and activities. If he does talk just show interest ,no worry or judgement. Keep having the girl over,at least you can keep an eye on things and observe their interactions. Kissing at that age is in no way intense or unhealthy.

Why are you reading his messages? Jesus. He's 15. Leave the kid alone.

He is 15 but doesn't see his friends, read, watch TV or films or go to the gym? What does he do? No wonder he is spending all his time with this girl if he hasn't got anything else going on in his life. I dont think you need to do anything and I don't think you need to be trying to force him to talk to you. Perfectly normal for a 15 year old to be in a relationship with kissing. What about it seems unhealthy to you?

I think you need to encourage some interests.. what does he do? Can he get some kind of summer job? Can you insist he goes to the gym in return for allowance / phone being paid.

There’s not a lot you can do about the relationship. Do you like her? They are underage so obviously you don’t want to encourage sex, but equally make sure your husband talks to him and underlines the importance of buying condoms if they do go there. You should also talk to him about not pushing her boundaries.

Yes, that’s what I mean.. it’s the complete lack of interest in anything else that’s the worry. To be honest that was a worry before this girl - he games and watches YouTube, not much else. If he was socialising and had other interests, it would not bother me so much - that’s what I mean by unhealthy.

@Luredbyapomegranate yes you are right. Thank you.