16yo DD wants to be alone

[theinvisible1]

Hi Mumsnet family

My 16yo DD just told me she doesn't want to be around me and her sister (divorced, just the three of us). She wants to be alone in her room because when she comes downstairs she always wants to argue.

Is this normal 16yo behaviour? She doesn't do a lot round the house which does cause arguments, I'm clearly not cool enough to hang out with and she can be really bloody mean sometimes!!

Any words of wisdom to get us through this?? I knew it would be tough but wow, this is hard!!!

Let her be alone then. I’m sure she’ll get bored and seek out your company eventually.

That's normal! At that age they get overwhelmed with emotions, it's great she can communicate what she needs to you

Normal. Totally normal. You're a bore, a has been, you're embarrassing, you're stupid. Keep breathing. It will pass!! (In about 3 years)

And bear in mind also, you know nothing, understand nothing. You are totally clueless and unaware of everything.

But you're also a brilliant mum for asking for advice

😄 excellent! You've made me feel better already - boring and useless but normal!!

Thank you 🙏💜

I forget this, they don't think rationally do they. They're all about the feelings.

Does she want to be alone or alone with her devices(phone tablet) and internet access?

It's so normal it's barely a thing.
One of mine won't even eat with me.

Try to keep the breathing to a minimum, it Triggers them

Books, chatting to friends - she's quite open about friends tbf, she tells me what's going on and I hear her talking to her mates.

Totally normal.

When DS went to Uni and I was missing him, DH suggested that I just pretend he was in his room. That was where he spent most of his time anyway. Same with DD.

I still enjoy days in the city shopping and trips to walk our puppy one on one. I also give lifts and facilitate DD's social life, mainly because she has a great group of friends that I want to encourage. For example I'll drop them at the cinema and go to Asda and do the shopping (it's forty miles away.)

I give her her space at home and don't try to pretend I'm a cool mum. I remember being sixteen and my own mum having absolutely nothing in common with me so anything above that is a bonus. I also have a life threatening condition and limited life expectancy. I'd hate the thought of us being distant if anything happened.

My sons (18 and 26) were easier but I know in all likelihood she'll be in University in two years and I doubt given what she wants as a career she'll ever come back home to live.

@Coachwork I do like to give her lifts and pick up her friends when they go out, she's quite good at chatting to me in the car. Really sorry to hear about your condition, it makes sense to keep them close 💜

I know I'm not cool, I'm coming to terms with that! I'm not close to my mum, I guess I'm just scared of passing that on to my kids.

She sounds quite wise TBF knowingly trying to avoid conflict. You sound like you're raising a good one

It's normal. I did a similar thing with my mum at that age. I told her that I only wanted to speak to her via text msg when i first woke up as I felt very angry and argumentative after waking and to just leave me to "calm" in my room until the mood passes. I must've been a nightmare to live with back then 😆