Can I prepare DD for Y7?

[MrsThaskala]

Wasn't sure how to word the title, so apologies if it sounds different.

DD went to an all girls school for her primary. She has boys in the family, and at clubs after school. She's usually one of the oldest in those clubs and is with younger children a lot.

Maybe I'm overthinking it.

I'm thinking back to my secondary school. Comments from boys about things I didn't know about yet. Slang talk. I remember older boys making comments about how I looked. I remember girls saying things in corridors about other girls, like she's a tart or she's ugly...just stupid comments. ALL PART OF GROWING UP- I KNOW.

But she's 11, and I don't know how to bring up conversations about consent, peer pressure, social media. It's the fact that she's starting our new again and I can't help remember what my secondary school was like. And it was a good school- no major issues. I had one incident when a girl lashed out on me but I can't remember what started it.

How did you have those conversations with your children? Any advice?

She'll just think I'm mad if I say let's sit down I need to talk to you about....also don't want to scare her, but also want to help.
May sound stupid but any decent coming of age programmes and shows that she could watch. I remember coronation street doing the whole grooming storyline and so at least it bought things to light.

Sorry for ranting on. Bought the uniform yesterday so I guess I'm having a panic.

Thanks anyway.

I think I'd split the "streetwise" (for sake of a better term, I know it's not completely acurate) awareness from the new school bit.

Maybe guidance along the lines of not getting involved, walking away, reporting. And an open dialogue between you where you will explain words you don't want her to use without judgement, but then you don't want to hear them?

Have you done a whole puberty bit with her? Usbourne have a good pair of books - one aimed at girls one at boys - which could be worth getting the girls one if that's not something you've covered.

There are quite a lot of online "stay safe" pages. Our primary shared several. That might help on the social media.

Thank you. Yes the puberty part has been covered and we're good at talking about that. I think she thinks I'm really old and don't understand but I do! It's just more worrying because IM the parent! I'm sure I never gave my mum much to worry about. We didn't have social media and as much pressure as they do now.

You’re massively overthinking things. She’ll work it out for herself along with her peers. Schools will often do these sorts of talks with the younger pupils so I don’t think it’s really necessary for you to sit her down and potentially scare her.

You're overthinking it massively. Your DD will be fine.
And anyway, the school's pastoral care staff will cover all that kind of thing and it's better that everyone gets a consistent message.

I understand your concern but I think it’s unwarranted. Y7 tends to be ok as there are kids jostling from many primaries. The best thing you can do over the next few weeks is boost her confidence as much as possible, as it’s her belief in herself (and hopefully a couple of good friends) which will be the most use to her in amongst the pack…

mine have just left y11 and y13. SO glad we’re out of the school system…
Having made my own mistakes in the early secondary years, my advice to the parents of all those young ones starting y7 with such trepidation and optimism is

• boost their confidence in ANY possible way. Secondaries can be big and scary and the more confidence they have the better


• let them follow their own instincts. It’s them that has to go into the bear pit every day, and telling them to go out and make friends when their instinct is to keep their heads down for a bit might be counter productive.


• home must be their safe space, so try not to pressurise them to socialise etc when they just want to decompress with an x-box etc.

My ds ‘s life in y7 and y8 would have been easier I think if I’d trusted him more instead of worrying that he didn’t have any friends and therefore probably made him feel worse by pressuring him to make them.
btw, he’s now left school, off to uni in October and in Europe at the moment with a big group of really good, close friends.
they get there in the end…

I remember starting secondary school and feeling very out of my depth too re: sex and relationships. I knew the basics but had no idea about things like sexual assault, consent, peer pressure, body image etc.
You sound like a great parent for thinking about this pro-actively. I think the key thing is to have a good relationship with her where she can bring things up as and when they happen. I would also limit her social media usage to the absolute minimum, impose limits on screen time that the whole family and check her phone regularly as a condition of her owning one. Social media can be so toxic at this age and it really isn't necessary. That said, it's naive to think that she won't be accessing anything at all e.g. via friends' phones, so it's really important to talk about online safety as well as just encouraging critical thinking skills when it comes to believing things she reads online or the authenticity of the pictures people post etc.
I teach PSHE to Key Stage 3 and we often use video clips from amaze.org which the kids seem to enjoy, might be good to open up a few conversations. Also have a look at the BBC online series, L8R Youngers, which is about kids moving from Primary to Secondary and explores lots of issues.
Good luck :)

Thank you all for replying. I think it's both. Me over thinking it and she'll find her own way, on the other hand wanting to prepare her in some way. All good advice. Thank you.