Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Drugs... of some sort

27 replies

oneaftertheother · 26/07/2022 00:08

DS17 has come home tonight and is definitely under the influence of something. Green, shivery, and eyes like dinner plates.

He has long denied vaping, and has only recently admitted to it. Not even, really. I just told him I knew he was lying about it and it's not to happen in this house, because what else can I do?

Looks like this has progressed to cannabis in some form.

He's denying it, weakly. What do I do from here?

He's left school now, been on his sixth year holiday, so drinking is one thing and he's been managing that not too badly after a rocky start, but I won't tolerate this.

He's had some issues during covid times (not covid related) and he went for some counselling at the beginning of this year, which seemed to help for a while.

Every time I think he's settling, there's something else.

Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 26/07/2022 00:10

Bumping for you. This sounds very upsetting. I’m so sorry.

HollowTalk · 26/07/2022 00:12

That must be very worrying for you. You must be furious as well. He needs to tell you what he's done.

RewildingAmbridge · 26/07/2022 00:14

Cannabis is legal in a lot of places OP. I smoked it when I was a student and a bit longer. I've got two degrees, an MA, multiple professional qualifications and a very professional job, I grew out of it in my early/mid twenties. It didn't lead me to crack. If he's doing ok with everything else, I can't say it would be a huge concern for me.

Original poster
oneaftertheother · 26/07/2022 00:15

He's got history though, as per my post.

And yes, he has a job. Operating machinery! So do I force him to take the day off tomorrow?

OP posts:
ilkleymoorbartat · 26/07/2022 00:17

Why do you think it's cannabis and not something else?

Original poster
oneaftertheother · 26/07/2022 00:18

@ilkleymoorbartat

I'm all ears for suggestions of what else it could be?

That was just my instincts. But I'm not clued up on the drugs of today that would have e him acting the way, if I'm honest. He has always seemed totally against the idea.

OP posts:
LeniGray · 26/07/2022 00:20

Spice?

mumof1or2 · 26/07/2022 00:22

LeniGray · 26/07/2022 00:20

Spice?

Bit extreme!

mumof1or2 · 26/07/2022 00:23

If his eyes are like dinner plates I would suggest he's possibly taken a pill. (Ecstasy)

ilkleymoorbartat · 26/07/2022 00:24

Eyes like dinner plates suggests something else possibly. Weed is normally red eyes.

RewildingAmbridge · 26/07/2022 00:30

You'd know if it was spice OP! I used to work in a prison.
Vaped cannabis doesn't always give the red eye look of smoking. If you want him to open up to you, you need to panic less and not say things like I won't tolerate this. If he's self medicating that's more of a concern than a bit of recreational use, but you putting your foot down won't stop that, he'll just hide it and lie. Try and work on communication and building a more open adult relationship. If he needs more help be there to support him accessing it, rather than judging his current choices.

RewildingAmbridge · 26/07/2022 00:30

Also no one has taken an ecstasy pill since about 1998

Trinxsy · 26/07/2022 00:34

Ecstasy is actually really common now, I'm in early 20s and most people take it when in nightclubs

Original poster
oneaftertheother · 26/07/2022 00:34

I won't tolerate it, but that's not what I've said to him.

I've tried to speak to him again just now. Just saying that he can talk to me, and that right now, the most important thing is that I know what he's taken. That we can talk about everything else tomorrow and that I won't be angry.

But he's just denying it.

OP posts:
Original poster
oneaftertheother · 26/07/2022 00:36

He wasn't even properly out. He was out in a friends car, and then a walk round a local park area. I can only hope the friend driving hadn't taken anything.

OP posts:
Hoolihan · 26/07/2022 00:46

RewildingAmbridge · 26/07/2022 00:30

Also no one has taken an ecstasy pill since about 1998

Why on earth do you think that?? 🤣 OP the saucer eyes do sound like pills/MDMA rather than weed, but shivering/green could also be ket. He'll likely be fine tomorrow . I'm not sure what you can do really other than offer him a listening ear if he ever needs it. There's no point saying you won't tolerate it as in the end it's not up to you. It's his life and his body. Try not to worry, you sound very loving and he will know you care Not many 17yo talk to their parents about this stuff I don't think?

HarrietSchulenberg · 26/07/2022 00:48

Cannabis vape, possibly? If he's green it sounds like it didn't agree with him and he might well be coming to his own conclusion that it's not something he's enjoying.
Best thing for tonight is to make sure he's had some water before he goes to bed and let him sleep it off. You can talk to him about it tomorrow. If he won't tell you what he's taken, point him in the direction of the Talk to Frank website and ask him to check for himself to get some facts. He's going to have to make his own decisions about what he puts in himself but you can still be very clear about not tolerating anything illegal being brought into your home.
www.talktofrank.com/

LurpakAspirations · 26/07/2022 00:52

If he's taken ecstacy be careful with the amount he drinks

Op - the Frank website might help you

CrapBucket · 26/07/2022 00:55

I'm just replying to say, I agree with Talk To Frank suggestion, and just a hand hold really. Good luck OP, its scary but you're not alone.

Original poster
oneaftertheother · 26/07/2022 00:56

He just seems to never be truly happy. Not for any length of time.

His diet is shocking. He drinks those bloody energy drinks. He vapes. He went to the gym for one month and then chucked it. Even that seemed to be verging on obsessive for that period. Twice in one day at points.

I've always been so lucky with him. So well behaved. No bother at school. Brilliant manners and just a good kid. Until these last 18 months or so. And even at that, I know there's not a bad kid, not at all. Not even close.

But he seems to lose his way now and then and I never know how to help him.

OP posts:
Splicebaked · 26/07/2022 01:00

RewildingAmbridge · 26/07/2022 00:30

Also no one has taken an ecstasy pill since about 1998

What Confused

Some DC take it at school

It's cheap and readily available

ThreeLocusts · 26/07/2022 01:13

OP your last comment makes me think that the drugs may not be the main or at least not the only problem here. It sounds like your son is lost and miserable generally, and he doesn't let you in on his thoughts or feelings. Is there someone else he can confide in, or could be encouraged to confide in? Is there a way you can encourage him to open up, possibly by appearing less concerned (even if you're quite justified to be concerned)?

My younger daughter always was the 'reasonable' one, very competent and self contained - until she started isolating herself and just gradually seemed to fall apart. I suspect kids who've always 'functioned' struggle more when they stop functioning, if that makes sense. She is getting a lot of specialized mental health help now, and it's still a slow process bringing her back.

As for what drugs he's taken, I'd tell him of your suspicions - even if it's a list, from vaped cannabis to MDMA. So that he knows you're keeping yourself informed. Without blame or panic, just tell him your thought process. And then start looking for mental health support. If he doesn't like to talk, there's art therapy or ergotherapy. All the best.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 26/07/2022 01:26

@oneaftertheother Maybe magic mushrooms, it can also be vaped and apparently is big in his age group according to this article. www.vice.com/en/article/vb5xqb/magic-mushroom-use-uk-increase
I would not try to talk about it until he is straight, other than checking he is alright. .

Original poster
oneaftertheother · 26/07/2022 01:33

Thanks @Forgottenmypasswordagain

He uses pre-filled vapes.

But who knows. Certainly not me.

He's asleep. I don't know when I'll get to speak to him. He has work early in the morning and then is due to see his dad after that. Ex says he will speak to him about it, but I wish he'd been able to see how DS was tonight. It's just my word against his and I feel like I'm going a bit mad.

OP posts:
Forgottenmypasswordagain · 26/07/2022 11:32

There are some listed that sounds a bit like your ds, www.narconon.org/drug-abuse/signs-symptoms-of-drug-abuse.html

americanaddictioncenters.org/health-complications-addiction/signs-drug-use-eyes