Boyfriends

[Hope50]

My daughter and I have an understanding, well I thought we did that there is to be no sex under my roof. I work and she comes in and out of the house as its school holidays and she's just finished school so she has been free for a month. Im trying to get her to work but recently she tells me she has lost her NI number so she can't apply so we are sorting that out now. This morning she volunteered to empty her own bin into a fresh bin bag to go out to the trash, I opened the bag so I could empty her sisters bin into it and found 4 used condoms.
I know when she goes to her boyfriends House the parents turn a blind eye.

How can I stop this if I'm at work? I know she is sexually active with her boyfriend of 1 year and only been active for the last 4/5 months but still not under my roof. She's 17 in October.

Can’t work as she lost her NI number what a croc of shit that is! She has a bf and wants to spend every day with him more likely.

did you really believe they weren’t having sex at home!

I don’t think you can stop her, she will just lie. She is nearly 18 and an adult, I would have open conversations around safe sex etc. but if you try to enforce a no sex rule at the house, they will just get around it.

Is it her being sexual active you don’t like or it being in your house?

Personally i would see it better being under your roof than somewhere else. Good news is she is being responsible. Would you prefer her to be having sex somewhere where she doesn’t feel safe or at home where she does? Either way she’s going to be doing it

She's 17, she isn't doing it when you're home. What do you think you can do about it anyway, and is this a hill you want to die on?

If not under your roof, where do you suggest? a field?
Controlling parents usually push their kids away.

She’s 17, shes had a boyfriend for a year and they’re using condoms. I don’t think you would have noticed them in the very bottom of a bin bag unless you were checking up on her. She’s being sensible, stop being so controlling.

Be careful op.
I left home a week after I turned 17...
My relationship with my dm never recovered..

You can't stop it. I suppose you should be pleased that you've raised her to practice safe sex - thats something.

You can work without an NI number, if you ring them they'll give you an emergency number. Yes, more time at work will mean less time for clandestine sex lol.

Does her bf work? Is he a nice lad? Is he nice to her?

Firstly JePréfèreLesChiens I'm not controlling, I came accross the condoms by accident whilst adding to the trash. I don't check up on her I prefer to trust my daughter as much as possible.
I'm glad you all think that she is better off having sex under my roof than in a field because I kind of agree, I do want her to be safe. Her boyfriend is very sweet and slightly older (18), polite and was a virgin when they met. We have had the contraception conversation as she does talk to me about most things.
I'm just uncomfortable with it being done under my roof, my mum would have killed me. I guess in some ways I am comparing to my upbringing.
No-one I know would approve, I could never talk to my family about this either.

You can’t stop her really. So don’t try. All you will do it damage your relationship and push her away. She’s obviously being discreet if you only know by looking at her rubbish so I’d leave it at that. She’s being safe and is doing it in a safe place. Don’t compare it to your upbringing and I don’t see why you would need to bring this up with your family either, it’s your daughters business.

If she's waited until she's 17, has a decent boyfriend and is using condoms I just wouldn't say anything OP. If she wasn't being discreet about it then I would, but she is, she's respecting you as much as possible whilst being a normal teenager. As hard as it must be for you, try to just be pleased you're raising a sensible young woman.

Possibly if she splits up with this boyfriend and there's a new one on the scene you may have a no new boyfriend in bedroom rule but that's a different story.

No-one I know would approve, I could never talk to my family about this either.

It's no one else's business what your 17 year old daughter is doing. How bizarre that you would even think to talk to family members about this. What a gross violation of your daughter's privacy that would be.

again like other posters have said it's better under your roof when you know they've got the time to be safe and use a condom than in a field where they'll be afraid of getting caught so they just forgo protection plus she's the legal age

Better it's in a safe place.

OP you will get no support on MN - everyone is meant to be fine with their 16 year old child having sex in their house!! Most people in real world - not so much! 18 or 19 imo is different - 16 is still very young.

I would possibly turn a blind eye as pick your battles and get her a job asap!