Making friends at Uni

[whatisthatnoise]

Daughter is off to Uni in September and has always struggled with making friends.
In fact, she doesn't really have any. She has what she says are 'just people she knows'
She's been at home since finishing her A levels, as she has nobody to go out with. Her only real friend moved away when they finished school and the college covid experience made it difficult to meet new people. She got friendly with one girl who kept ditching my daughter when someone better came along. This process went on for months until my daughter decided she'd had enough.
I've told her that things will be different when she goes to Uni as most people will be in the same situation as her and won't know anyone but she suffers from anxiety and is already stressing about not being able to make friends when she gets there.
Does anyone have any tips/advice please?

Neither of my kids drinks alcohol, and it didn't hold them back in uni at all. There will be loads of clubs, student service organizations, and sports to participate in. She just needs to put herself forward to go to the ones that sound the most interesting to her.

Remember all the students are there without their friends and keen to make new friends.

Tell her to pick up a hobby / sport at the uni. This was my saving grace. Classes were so big, I only made one friend through classes.
Joining aikido meant I made friends at the club (we went to the pub after every training), and one of the girls there was also in my halls and then introduced me to all her friends and invited me to the parties in the halls. If it wasn't for aikido, I'd literally have found it so difficult to make friends. I really advocate a club!

Thanks everyone.
I'm sure she'll be fine but your reassurances and suggestions have been brilliant.
Thank you ❤️

My daughter was worried about the same thing and the advice she was given by an elder cousin was 'make brownies'. She could then knock on the doors and offer a friendly cake and it was a conversation starter.

DD2 is hoping to go in September too. DD1 has just graduated and is more outgoing so threw herself into Freshers and mad e lots of friends. DD2 is quieter and more shy. She’s quite anxious about the whole thing already. I’m not convinced she’ll go as she’s a home body and agree lockdown hasn’t helped. She has a job in hospitality and a boyfriend and I’m many ways has grown in confidence in the last year so I’m hoping that will continue and she’ll manage. Good luck.

@marrymeadam She likes baking and I’ve told her to bring cake but she worried about looking weird! I can’t win.

I know it sounds corny looking back but when my DS joined his Uni flat as a Fresher, I sent him with a huge pasta bake dish that he could share with his flat mates (if he/they hadn't wanted to eat together he could have just eaten it himself over a couple of nights). Another student had a huge box of brownies (also baked by mum!) and someone else shared beers ... they did all eat together that first night and bonded well. Even us parents were chatting and helping carry stuff as we moved the students in.

Get a doorstop & then she can have her door propped open & people are more likely to look in, start to chat etc

@Ragwort that sounds lovely. I’ll still make sure she takes something to share and I’m sure if others do she’ll bring it out. 😉

My dd is on Facebook groups/WhatsApp groups for people starting this autumn.

Definitely get her to do this @whatisthatnoise. My DD started messaging on these before she started uni and met up with a few people from her accommodation on her first night there. She's still best friends with 3 of them, two years later.

See if she can join chats for her course and her accommodation, then she will find friends before she even starts.

My daughter doesn't have many friends since starting at a new sixth form. But the difference is she's not at all bothered. She say she knows how to 'make nice' so people would like her, but doesn't feel the need.
But it obviously bothers your daughter.
University is a chance to start over, but it's also a time when your safety net (you and home) is gone.
While I'd encourage her to be open minded and to be friendly (not needy) and smile, she may still find uni very lonely, especially if her course has limited contact time. Joining societies/clubs whatever may help - at least in taking up her time and being with people rather than moping n her room. She will have to get out of her comfort zone and make a real effort to make the first move or 'go along to get along'. it should only be with things she's interested in - no point joining the debating team if she's terrified of public speaking!