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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teens eating in their rooms

25 replies

Blewitt · 21/07/2022 20:32

DH found an old piece of pizza under DS bed a couple of months ago. On the spot he made a rule that no food was to be eaten in his room thereafter. I hate this rule, I would have just giggled to myself and thought "typical teen" if I had found it and thought no more of it.
Teen is hard work and we have enough issues with him without this added layer of continued confrontation as he hates the rule obviously and constantly tries to circumvent it. DS probably knows I'm not on board with it too. DH loves his rules, is a more uptight parent and thinks this is perfectly reasonable. I've got to bring it up as I can't keep this up forever but things have been pretty shit at home with teen lately and I don't want to upset things again as we're "ok" at the moment.
Any clever suggestions as to how to broach it, phrase it? I know I sound pathetic but I hate confrontation and am bad at it!

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MolliciousIntent · 21/07/2022 20:36

I think he's absolutely right - two reasons:

  1. Your teen obviously isn't responsible or considerate enough to be allowed food in his room because he left a piece of pizza under his bed!!
  1. Shared mealtimes are VITAL for good family relationships. Sharing food and conversation every single day is such a simple way to foster communication and connection. It just doesn't happen if your teen is eating pizza in his room while you're having dinner downstairs.
Blewitt · 21/07/2022 20:39

I should have added, this is snacks, we do have family meal times.

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marrymeadam · 21/07/2022 20:41

Is DH allowed to eat where he is comfortable? Then why not DS. Kids use their rooms for more than just sleeping. It's where they spend most of their time hanging out. It seems a bit harsh

MolliciousIntent · 21/07/2022 20:41

Ok fair, but point 1 still stands. Your teen is leaving food under the bed (also pizza is a meal, not a snack) so obviously he can't be trusted to have food in his room. That's just common sense, surely?

FatLes · 21/07/2022 20:41

Our teen eats snacks in their room, it's pretty common and pretty common to be complete slobs! Ours gets pocket money each week, it's paid on a Sunday AFTER they've cleaned their room 😉

MolliciousIntent · 21/07/2022 20:42

marrymeadam · 21/07/2022 20:41

Is DH allowed to eat where he is comfortable? Then why not DS. Kids use their rooms for more than just sleeping. It's where they spend most of their time hanging out. It seems a bit harsh

I'm assuming her DH doesn't leave his discarded leftovers under pieces of furniture though.

User2145738790 · 21/07/2022 20:42

You'd have giggled about mouldy food?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 21/07/2022 20:43

If he's leaving pizza, is he even a teen?

Haggisfish3 · 21/07/2022 20:45

If dh is willing to implement this rule and follow sanctions through, let him crack on. I don’t give a shit about eating in rooms and would be with you.

Blewitt · 21/07/2022 20:50

It was a one off, it's not like he does it all the time. He probably had a lunch in there one day . To me it's really not that big a deal, it wasn't mouldy, just dry.
He's very happy to implement the rule, but I'm not, which ja the problem! I just don't think he can never be allowed to eat in his room ever again, because he o ce made a mistake. As PP said, their rooms are there hang outs. He spends time in there chatting to friends, watching TV etc

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Blewitt · 21/07/2022 20:51

*which is the problem
*their hang outs

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HarrietSchulenberg · 21/07/2022 20:54

I have a no eating in bedrooms rule but it routinely gets ignored. The reason for implementing it was that several years ago our neighbours had rats in their teens' bedrooms; they came down from their loft, lured by the wafting scents of the food that had been abandoned by beds. Rats are long gone (we got a cat to make sure we remained rodent-free and the problem disappeared pretty quickly) but I remind my kids of it every time I find a crisp packet stuffed down the side of a mattress and they lay off for a day or two.
Feel free to use my real life example and remind everyone that you're never more than 3m from a rat (allegedly).

christinarossetti39 · 21/07/2022 20:55

Making a rule after one incident is a. a bit harsh and b. doesn't give said teen any chance to redeem themselves. Of course it leads to confrontation.

An 'if we find food in your room again...' type warning would have been more sensible.

I wouldn't make an issue out of this type of behaviour unless it was very regular and a health and safety hazard eg mouldy meat or fish.

What about letting him have food in his room again with the proviso that he loses this privilege if he leaves it hanging around in there?

LoisPlane · 21/07/2022 20:56

Your teen is leaving food under the bed (also pizza is a meal, not a snack) so obviously he can't be trusted to have food in his room. That's just common sense, surely?

Hmm. OR we could just consider that teenagers are not perfect robots and will do things they regret, things they shouldn't have and make mistakes, just like everyone.

Finding a piece of pizza under the bed and jumping to outright ban and a 'you cannot be trusted' approach is overkill and unlikely to have a positive outcome.

I'd have rolled my eyes, called ds and told him to be more careful then made him give his room a good clean...and warned that if this was repeated we may need to think about banning food in rooms.

Both my older ds's are allowed to eat in their rooms. They have an end of day cleaning rule though. Every single day before bed they have to empty their room of rubbish, plates/cups and any dirty laundry, putting it all where it should go. It takes 5 minutes a day but keeps it presentable ish.

About once a week they clean it themselves, including changing beds, dusting, cleaning TV and gaming monitors and hoover or sweep and mop (one has wood flooring, one carpet). About once every 3 months I spend a couple of hours with them and help them do a big 'rip apart' clean and sort out. Inside drawers and cupboards, around edges of furniture where an accumulation of 'stuff' lands, clean the window and skirts etc. Other than my 2hours x 4 times a year though they manage it themselves.

rainbowdaz · 21/07/2022 20:57

Food in rooms is unnecessary. I wouldn't allow it besides non-crumb snacks like ice cream/popcorn/sweets. Pizza under bed and you'd laugh about it and let it continue? I'm with your DH, sounds grim, I couldn't live with a festering bedroom in my house.

AliMonkey · 21/07/2022 20:58

We do have that rule - or at least "nothing that is likely to make crumbs or mess". But agree if you didn't then bringing it in for one mistake is unfair - I'd have gone for either "no food in your room for the next month" or "if it happens again, there'll be a new rule about no food in your room" or "if you want to be allowed to have food in your room, you have to take responsibility for cleaning your room".

Can you simply suggest one of the latter two to DH, or perhaps allow DS to earn the right back by eg cleaning his room or cooking everyone a meal? The "earning it back" is what I used to do when DC were younger (and still do occasionally now they are teens) when I realised that maybe I'd been a bit harsh with my first reaction but that they had still done something less than ideal.

Blewitt · 21/07/2022 21:04

Yes, these are my thoughts too. But DH is very impulsive, hence the sudden rule. He does not think things through before speaking. I want to suggest we give him another chance without DH feeling I am not being supportive to his parenting.

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Blewitt · 21/07/2022 21:07

Thanks AliMonkey and LoisPlane, these are helpful suggestions that fit with my thoughts on this situation.

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saveforthat · 21/07/2022 21:11

I don't think it's necessary to eat in bedrooms at all. We also once had rats in the roof. My son managed to go through his teens without eating in his bedroom.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 21/07/2022 21:19

I was never allowed food upstairs as a child or teenager and l have never allowed it so dd hasn't even thought about taking food up - but like she wouldn't go to bed in the dining room - got plenty of room downstairs to eat so l agree with your DH.

cakeandchampagne · 21/07/2022 21:20

Why would your dh get to decide this?

And in his lifetime, has your dh ever missed/been late to an appointment, left a tool in the garden, lost anything, left a car window down, or made any kind of mistake?

FlorettaB · 21/07/2022 21:28

’But DH is very impulsive, hence the sudden rule. He does not think things through before speaking’

That’s something for your DH to remember when your DS is driving him mad. We don’t always consider the consequences before we act, even as adults with the benefit of experience. Teenagers brains are still developing.

Blewitt · 21/07/2022 22:09

He doesn't seem to notice Floretta 😔.
I think I shall go with let's give him another chance and see, with the understanding that if anything similar happens again then fair enough.
Cakeandchampahne - quite, he shouldn't get to decide, but once it's blurted out it's kind of too late.
Part of the problem I think too is DS is on adhd meds which suppress his appetite and so he does alot of his eating in the evenings when it's also his downtime.

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Holidaydreamingagain · 21/07/2022 22:40

We have a no food upstairs rule and I think it’s perfectly reasonable and sensible. Obviously they sneak up crisps and sweets on occasion but I simply don’t think it would occur to any of them to take anything more substantial upstairs. I am with you DH to be honest

Itswaytoohot · 22/07/2022 07:44

I have a no food in bedrooms rule, but to be honest teen ds regularly ignores this. Snacks rather than main meals but he does try it on.

He is messy and will leave plates, cups and wrappers lying around. I go in and make sure he clears up daily.

My teen is completely obnoxious and I do wish I'd nipped something of it in the bud sooner.

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