When do they stop being knobs

[Searchingforsanity]

I am half joking, but also half being serious - DD17 was always a lovely child growing up, very amenable and easy - she was no trouble. Forward to A-levels, driving lessons, part time work and she is just a messy, argumentative tit.

Room is a mess, time management is awful - always says she doesn't have enough time, but spends enough time on social media, eye rolls and sighing are an every hour occurrence and basically treats the place like a hotel.

I see people post about what a joy their teen is and I feel hard done by lol!

She seems perfectly happy with her friends and so on, we just seem to get the moody git.

At what age do they start to behave like nice human beings again (again, partly joking, but partly being serious! lol!). Will it be when she moves out?

They do grow out of it and start appreciating you more, honest! Although a bit of independence helped my son mature a lot.

I feel your pain though, I have theory they go through this stage to make it easier for them to move out. If she was as adorable as she was as an 8yo you'd never want her to leave 😂

Well, my 20 year old is still a knob. Marginally less than he was at 17 but not fully rehabilitated.
I believe it’s around 25 when their brains are fully cooked.

For my dd around 20/21.

So like my son became great again after 17
However my 20 year old just this morning we had a row because he thinks he should dictate to me how I spend the money he gives for housekeeping (I should spend it on the food that he likes…for only him to eat…)

so I’m not actually sure when they grow out of it

Having teenage children is notoriously very difficult, but it is possible to have a decent relationship. It needs understanding (on both sides). You called her a 'knob' 'tit' and 'git' all in the same couple of paragraphs. If that comes across in real life then I'm not surprised you're struggling to have a good relationship?

Read up on the teenage brain and development - it is actually a very difficult time. She will come through it though.

(He’s the same son lol I realise I worded that terribly)

No one is abusing their kids ffs

My dd is 17. She has ADHD which means that she's approximately 30% less mature than her neurologically typical peers. This means that I'm in for many more years of teenage shit! 😥

My comment was meant light heartedly!

Before I get jumped on, I'm very well aware of the issues related to ADHD etc etc etc.

My DD was a lovely child and is now a fabulous adult. But was similarly awful 17/18.

Keep reminding yourself that this is a very difficult age for teenage girls especially. Look up the information about brain formation and pruning, it’s fascinating. Their frontal lobe (the sensible part) is slower to mature than the excitement seeking part of their brain.They are also moving from the influence of their parents to peers (very scary). They are hardwired to seek new experiences and relationships. They are having to negotiate teenage boys who have often been exposed to awful porn and have even worse decision making skills than girls (ok not all boys/girls).

Sometimes it feels as a parent all you can do is keep the safe and help them not fall down the drink/drugs/sex route.

The best thing I did was to have an agreement with my DD that if she ever found herself in a dodgy situation, she could call for a lift home or I would pay for a taxi, no questions asked. Then the next day we could sit and discuss how she could avoid getting into that situation again.

Just believe that if your parenting was good during their childhood it will see them through.

20ish.

Its the point they realise their parents will not be around forever and start to appreciate the time spent with them.

I'm in the same boat but mine is only 14.

I find wine helps. 😂

Ds got 18 and got even nicer!!
Dd's are 15 and 16 and are hideous..

@Lindy2 I don't even drink (surprisingly!!!)

I may need to take it up though. 🤣

I used to tell myself that aliens had abducted my three teens and replaced them with the grumpy specimens that I lived with. Occasionally I would get a glimpse of the real person to give me hope that they would return, which they did.
These are my tips: talk to them respectfully and do not accept any disrespectful talk back. Rudeness is just a habit, it can be changed, they don’t talk to their mates like that.
Do not do any of their laundry from the age of 13.
Re lifts; if you are going somewhere and that is near where they want to go , it is a lift. Otherwise you are driving than somewhere; there is Uber for that, buses, taxis, other friends. Taxi service is not on your list of world ambitions. For younger teens this needs to be negotiated.
Money; teach them young how to budget and save, after 13 maximum, they need to earn it.
Aliens gave them back early twenties.

In my experience it wasn't until she went off to uni that she started being a more reasonable human being and appreciating everything we did for her at home. Her room is still a challenge when she's home, but she's generally good company and a pleasure to be around.

My 2, 18 and 14 have been most unpleasant this year. I don't know if any of their previous personality traits will come back. I so hope so.

I stopped being a knob by about 18/19. I gave my mum half my wages from my summer job (she didn't ask) and when I was 21/22, wrote in a Christmas card about how I finally realised what she'd done for me and how grateful I was. She cried.

I was an absolute fucking knob from about 13-17 though. Horrific.

I am 47 and have ADHD.... I dont think I am still a knob although probably have my moments... BUT... my room is still a tip , I massively struggle to keep anything tidy and my time management still leaves much to be desired so I wouldn't be holding your breath 😁

Not during secondary school, that's for sure <tired teacher shrug>

For me it was the first holiday after the first term at uni. I suddenly appreciated someone cooking for me, helping with the washing and the dishwasher in the kitchen. DS 1, 26 is now human and has moved into a new flat 'with a magic box in the corner, you put all your dirty plates in it, switch it on and they come out clean'. DS 2 has just finished his first year at uni and is quite human, even offering to buy bread etc. Dd 17 has her moments but is generally ok. One more year to go with her at home. Only Ds1 has matched my appalling behaviour as a teenager.

My 15 and 17 year olds are not knobs (possibly to do with SEN and not having many friends to encourage them into bad behaviour?). I however was a knob until about 21.

I found once my DD went to Uni, lived out for a couple of years that she became much more reasonable and more appreciative. It's tough and thankless at times.

I often wonder if one reason teens are difficult is that as they start becoming more independent in the adult world, they start to realise the consequences of their actions. Also, teens place far more value on their mates than their parents and tend to be selfish and self-absorbed - nature's way I guess of preparing them to leave the nest and survive.

Personally, I have found the teen years the most challenging of my dc's lives. I wish there was actually a lot more help for parenting teens - similar to the level given to new mothers. Although teens can talk - they often don't share their true feelings with their parents - so it is very similar to dealing with toddlers' where you have to guess what they are thinking and feeling. I have found that when teens are struggling with their emotions, it is the people in the house that bear the brunt of it.

Hang tight - there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I can remember DS calling me some time around his second year of uni incensed because he'd spent an hour cleaning the kitchen then one of his housemates came home with a take away left a huge mess and then went back out!

"Do you know how that feels?!?"

Yes son...yes I do