How to support DD16?

[teensandtoddlers]

Just looking for some advice really.

DD1 is 16, struggled with poor mental health towards the end of 2019 - we sought professional help and she was back to her usual loud, happy, all singing and dancing self not long after.

Since April/May, she's not been herself at all, very very quiet and irritable, not wanting to do things that even 6 months ago she'd have jumped at the chance, hasn't spoken to any of her friends since the day of their last GCSE (she's always been one of the quieter ones at school but has been in a very stable friendship group since y8) and has developed a very short temper out of nowhere (over things that previously would never have bothered her - eg her sister borrowing her phone charger without asking and "forgetting" to return it). On multiple occasions, I've come across her just sat doing a puzzle/reading/colouring/in bed with tears streaming down her face only for her to tell me not to worry, she's fine (which she clearly isn't). She goes through obsessive (perhaps not the word I'm looking for?) phases - currently it's cooking everyone dinner every night because she's worried she might get food poisoning, a couple of weeks ago she would rearrange her wardrobes every day, just random things that would be important to her for about a week and then never mentioned again.

On the flip side, after finishing her GCSEs, she did 3 weeks work experience at the school I work at and all I heard from other staff the whole time was how lovely, helpful, enthusiastic and chatty she was! She seemed to really enjoy this, was noticeably happier in herself during these weeks, yet the day she finished (mid last week), she was back to the recent quiet and irritable mood.

She doesn't have TikTok/Snapchat etc, just a private Instagram account to follow a handful of family members so I don't have any concerns about things happening over social media (have also checked her phone a couple of times which she handed over with no fuss).

At first I put it down to the stress of exams but I've realised there's a lot more to it than that. I've put her on a waiting list back with the same psychiatrist she saw in 2019 but it's currently a 12-18 month wait so any advice would be greatly appreciated in the meantime.

To be honest, a lot of what you're saying is fairly normal in teens. The irrational mood swings and wanting more alone time in particular.

However, you know her better than anyone and if your gut is saying something really isn't right I would make an appointment with the GP. They may do a blood test to look at iron as that can cause many issues. Is she eating well and do you see her eat? The GP may also be able to speed up getting counselling for her anxiety. Some practices actually have in house counselling but you often don't know about it unless you ask. You can also check out your local area for charities that offer counselling for free - in my area the church do youth counselling and have a drop in sessions. If she's going to college in September I would contact them and ask if they can offer help as well.

To me, it sounds like lonliness. She’s probably fallen out with her friends and is feeling sad. The phases is probably finding things on Tiktok then getting bored with them. It’s very hard when you live them and don’t want them to be sad, but can’t offer any practical help.

To me, ways you can help would be - getting her a job or getting her to help out preferably around other people as she seems happier around people.

Your poor daughter. To me it sounds like depression and as another poster said, she might be lonely.

I would concentrate on the physical side of things first. Take her to the GP and ask for a full blood count including testing for vitamin deficiencies.

Also make sure her diet is good - plenty of fruit and veg, fish, meat (despite it not being popular right now, meat has valuable proteins).

I hope you can help her to get back to her normal self.

Thank you.

@Playplayaway - I hadn't thought about speaking to college - thank you for that idea. Although that's a whole separate issue in itself! None of her friends are going to the college she's going to as about 90% of the year is staying at the school's 6th form so we've had many teary evenings about not wanting to go.
She eats well on the whole, notably less quantity than her 13yo sister but very healthy. Today however, hasn't eaten a thing, spoken to anyone or moved out of bed which is very, very unusual.

@Heatstrokeunsteady - She's mentioned getting a job on multiple occasions and seems enthusiastic about it up until the point of submitting the application which she then gets upset about because "if I was a normal 16yo I'd be able to do stuff like this"

@Petulathethird - last time I brought this up with the GP, they said she definitely wasn't depressed, I'll push this further.