In teh next 15 minutes can someone give me a good response to..................

[lilibet]

"you're my mum, you should do stuff for me, if you want me to do stuff back that's selfish"

and

"what perfect world are you living in if you expect me adn (brother) to be kind?"

From a 14 year old ds

i have a 14 year old, if he said that to me i'd lock him out and not let him in until he apologised.

Twiglett, he empties the dishwasher, helps with the recycling and does all his own ironing plus other ad hoc duties.

I do not iron my children's clothes once they reach senior school - grin!

He gets £10 spends a month and nothing else which is far below most of his friends.

I don't feel that he is spoiled but he is really selfish at times

Am off home now and am going to print this off - thanks!

Wonder what made him talk to you like that? i really hope my teenager (just) doesnt do that......but will have to wait and see...

Then she will get a clip rounfd the ear and sent to bed for behaving like a rude little toddler.

IMO he might be persuaded that "rights" come with responsibilities. Using examples from history such as Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela- or if that is too high brow for his tastes maybe Spiderman!

Last christmas my dd (then 14) said to me, during a robust exchange of views about her washing, "you've had your life mum, it's my turn now".

I think the answer is not to take the things they say too seriously. They are just testing the waters most of the time. Remember teenagers need boundaries, and if they don't test you they won't know whether or not the boundaries are really there.

Also they are supremely, fantastically selfish creatures. Have you read "Get Out Of My Life - But First Take Me And Alex Into Town" by Tony Wolf and Suzanne Franks? Lots of really wise, helpful stuff in there, especially the chapter called "What they do and why". The entire book seems to be about my dd! - they must have been following her around.

Just remember, you're the mature one, so stay cool and resist ALL temptation to sink to their level. Sticks and stones ...

sorry i missed this.

" you scratch my back babe and i'll scratch yours - i bet my arse you will want something from me before weekends out - so be nice to mummy dear or she might forget how to drive or cook or open purse....i...am...so...old....my....memory ....fades...at how....to do ...the most...simple things...

ahhh I can clearly remember saying to my mum
"you chose to have children, you should look after me"

"you're my mum, you should do stuff for me, if you want me to do stuff back that's selfish"

Not witty, but the kind of reply I find effective

'I'm your parent which means I have the pleasure of guiding you to becoming an independant, happy and productive adult. Your the child and your role is to make stupid statements so I don't have to be so bloody reasonable, you were saying?'

The second part would be spoken in a slightly sinister manner. I rarely swear and when I use a 'bad' word it is a good indication she is getting close to crossing the line.

"what perfect world are you living in if you expect me adn (brother) to be kind?"

This is easy -

'The same perfect world where you expect...'

Then add in something they want to do and require permission, something they want/need you to do for the them etc. I find at this age that tends to be a great deal. Then top it off with

'so what do you think, will we both be dissapointed?'

Being prepared to follow through if they call your bluff helps.

I love this type of banter with my daughter and her friends. Occassionally she does get one past me, at which point I congratulate her. Normally at that point she is so happy she complies anyway

"I'm your Mum, that's your iPod, give it to me now."

When ds behaves badly he never apologises unless asked to do so, a "go to your room until you are ready to apologise for your behaviour" works but a completely unprompted "sorry" has never, ever happened.

Until last night...............

He absolutley floored me with a very heartfelt apology, saying that he was in the wrong and he knew he had hurt my feelings and he really was sorry.

And he didn't even want anything !!!!!!!!

Teenagers are so selfish.

Confiscation of PS3 always works with DS, but with DD it's a little more difficult. I'm not letting her have the special shampoo and conditioner she wanted at the moment, because she is so mouthy. It's in a hiding place for when she does something nice (might be out of date by then!!).

I have a notice on my fridge, along the lines of -

Teenagers
Parents a pain?
Why don't you leave home and earn your own living, while you still know everything?

Glad he's 'seen the light' lilibet!