Teenager weight gain since lockdown

[nellytheelephant1980]

I'm so worried about my lovely 15 year old girl.
She was always really slim, fit and healthy. During the first lockdown, she started to gain weight, very rapidly. I was still working and she was making herself massive bowls of pasta for lunch with god knows how much cheese, and then having dinner and no doubt snacking in between. All of her hobbies (dance etc) stopped. I did gently try to talk to her about it, but she just ballooned

By the end of it all, she was covered in stretch marks on her thighs, hips and even her tummy from the weight gain.

I think she's put on a bit more again recently. I just referred her various things for holiday in a size 14 and they're much too small for her. She's started to just wear clothes that will fit, rather than those she likes. She's started wearing her 19 year old brother's sport shorts etc. I would hazard a guess at her being 12.5 stone at least.

I just don't know what to do I want her to be comfortable in her skin, choose clothes she likes rather than ones for their elastic aged waists and stretchy material again.

How do I address this? My husband thinks we should just name it, but I am scared about setting her on the diet/weight gain cycle for the rest of her life.

I totally relate to how she feels regarding clothes, but I'm a middle aged woman so it's less devastating to me!

All my other children are slim, my husband is slim. I'm a size 12-14. I was always really skinny until having my 3rd child. I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

One thing, she is totally resistant to doing any exercise. She broke her leg just before lockdown and swears it hurts any time she exercises. I definitely think it's a convenient excuse a lot of the time though 😳 She's had multiples follow ups and there is no reason for it to hurt. She jumps around at concerts for example, but walking to school you'd think we were asking her to to a marathon.

*ordered not referred

Umm I think I would approach this via emotional / mental health. Do you think she is a bit depressed or has lost confidence? She certainly wouldn’t be the only one, it’s a difficult age and lockdown as well. How is she with friends and school?

I would give your GP a ring and ask about both mental health support and healthy living programmes for teens. They do often have them for overweight teens. you could also talk to the school about counselling
support. You’ll get it quicker if you can pay !

Then I would talk to her about the fact that it isn’t unusual for teens to gain weight, both for emotional and hormonal reasons, but you are concerned that she has gained quite a bit and want to help her improve her happiness and lifestyle.

Teens hate standing out, especially for something as embarrassing as weight, so put the whole family on a post lockdown health kick. Even if no one else needs to loose weight, pretty much everyone should eat more fibre and veg.

Give her some autonomy with food (could you have a kids cook Friday when she and the others make a healthy meal like Stirfry), let her go to the shop with you and pick out things that are good for her.

Could she take up dance again? I would make exercising a family drive so she doesn’t feel singled out. you could take her to a physio who could give her some exercises to strengthen her leg (you can tee up the physio that you think it’s bull, but it will save face for your daughter.) But then she and every family member has to take up some exercise.

Don’t hide that you are concerned, but do not make her feel odd or wrong, just focus on finding practical solutions. You are right to manage how her Dad handles it- it’s best if you manage it I think.

… also as part of the family health drive, manage the food in the house so it’s as healthy as possible. Keep extra supplies in back cupboards and the freezer etc, so there isn’t so much to take.

Its a myth that weight goes on slowly, so if she stopped doing her activities and at the same time was bored so enjoying food as a replacement of course it will be rapid

i would steer away from viewing and pathologising this as an emotional or mental health issue, unless you havent said something which would indicate this. Nothing is more likely to make her feel that theres 'something wrong with her' than that inference that she is depressed or doesnt have confidence just because shes put on weight or that she has put on weight because of those two things.

You're about the same size by the sounds of it, a bit smaller though,, so use it as an opportunity to get on a regime yourself and hope that this modelling is something she picks up, do different food, dont give her lifts to school etc etc

Sounds as if she loves concerts and stuff so add in more of that sort of activity.

@nellytheelephant1980
Similar issues here with DD15 and I can very well relate. In fact, I have watched or been on every "Teen Weight worry" thread on MN for a few months it's ridiculous. I need to get a life!

My thoughts are it is very hard to change things unless they acknowledge there is an issue and want to do something about it. In your case if it is not bothering her yet, then I would leave it and do some gentle changes in the background so you personally feel better you are doing something about it rather than just worrying.
If we initiate the conversation without them being ready to receive the help, we seem to be body shaming and controlling.
It is so hard to say anything as you do not want to push them to the other extreme and at the same time if left to carry on they will still have body image plus health issues for the rest of their lives.

In my case, DD has been having low self-esteem because of body image with her weight. The dentist was not happy with the state of her teeth recently so this was another "headlight on" moment for us.
She broke down crying and said she hates her body and everything about her. Even the thought of going on a weighing scale (without me watching her weight) terrified her.
When I asked what she wanted me to do and how I could help she just said "I don't know".
So I have started thinking about how to help and as an initial step made the GP appointment to go ask for advice without taking her along.
I took a few other steps to try and help her which I am sharing in case it helps you.
We swapped breakfast to healthier options instead of sugary cereal.
I still buy snacks like cereal bars and ice-creams but mini sized versions.
I give each child a very generous tuck box for the week. My other child keeps his for nearly 2 weeks but my DD15 finishes it all in less than a week. So obviously this isn't working as I want to yet but I live in hope.
My main bugbear is the school snacks. I am trying to enforce packed lunches now. I have also asked the school to set a reduced limit on spending.
Usually their limits are very generous.
She wanted to sign-up to the local gym for the holidays which I have now done.
More than the gym itself, I am pleased she will at least walk to the gym and back which is more than what she usually does on the dreaded school holidays.

My DD does do dance a few days a week during term term and we still find that doesn't seem enough because of the amount of sugary things she eats. However, it really lifts her mood so I find it is positive for that reason alone.
I sometimes worry about dance classes causing her further distress as many of the girls are very slim but so far it has just been my own worry thankfully.

So if you can get your DD back into dance fitness that would be great first step.
With non-sporty teen girls, getting them to do something reasonably active is a huge challenge. Mine only wants to eat out or shop with me so activities like walking, NT visits etc are met with the classic "roll of eyes" and a very swift "no thank you!"

Good luck and I hope you find a way to start approaching this to the best of what would work for your family!

i know myself the more I weigh the worse my joints and bones hurt, I’ve a bad hip … which is my motivation to keep eye on what I eat. Maybe take her to doctors and ask them to explain that her broken leg will feel a lot better with exercise x

My daughter is 13 and autistic, she's always loved food but during the lock downs with not having school or going out and being home herself most of the day she's put on a tonne of weight, she was always bigger than her friends but now at 5' 7 she's in size 16-18 clothes so they are looser. She needs routine so even if she gets up and has breakfast late she still thinks she has to have her other meals when they should be eg if she has breakfast at 11 will still want lunch at 12 even if she's hungry or not.

She does have the best varied diet in our house but she will not listen about portions and wants to eat constantly. I try to get her to come out to walk the dogs with me but she won't most of the time. I'm at a loss as what to do, at her age I don't want to make a big deal and force her to lose weight but at the same time she can't go on the way she is