Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How to get DD12 back on track

2 replies

holiholiholidays · 12/07/2022 13:20

My DD12 started Yr7 in Sept 2021. She started yr7 keen, happy to get on and putting in plenty of effort work wise. She had a really promising report in the first term and did really well in assessments.
Since Christmas her attitude has changed, and has finished the school year doing the bare minimum and has admitted to purposely not trying in recent end of year assessments. She is no longer interested in anything work wise at school.
Her behaviour at school is not great either, she lacks focus in class which then gets her in trouble.
I've tried to talk to her and understand what's gone on but the conversations never end well. School don't seem to be bothered and seem content to discipline but not do anything to positively turn things round.
My question is, what can I do over the summer to try and reset her attitude so that Yr8 doesn't continue in the same vein? Or do I stop worrying and will she come full circle in her own time. I find it so frustrating as I know what she's capable of but just not interested. Thanks.

OP posts:
matchaleaf · 12/07/2022 20:21

Hi there

I work with this age group and I do sympathise with you... it is so hard to motivate them to study and develop good study habits as they are still so young and just do not see how it is relevant to their futures, even though it really is!

Firstly, I would consider possible reasons why she might be less motivated to study. Does she seem down or anxious about anything? And have other activities or socialising taken a back seat?

You said her focus is not great - could she possibly have underlying SEN such as dyspraxia, inattentive ADHD or or sensory processing issues?

It is interesting that she actually told you she didn't study. Do you think she might have been looking for a reaction from you? Was she possibly trying to open up a conversation there?

The book "How to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk" is a classic and has some great practical examples of ways to engage with teenagers and have productive conversations.

A lot of my students struggle to link what they are studying now to how their lives might be in the future... I find that when teachers talk to Year 7/8s about GCSE and A level results, chances of going to university and career choices etc they tend to switch off as those things are still a million years away in their heads. Instead, try to encourage her to learn for the sake of learning and get her enthusiastic about just 'knowing things' and being capable as she is clearly a bright girl.

I think it's really important NOT to to nag about studying and never let it seem like a chore, but do acknowledge that not all tasks will be completely riveting - sometimes we just have to do them to get to the more rewarding and exciting stuff later on. Let her see you enjoying learning and try to encourage her to join you, even if it is just enjoying a documentary, playing along with quiz show on TV or sharing interesting things with her that you have read in the newspaper.

Could you do some activities over the holidays which might spark an interest in a particular topic even if it's not directly related to the curriculum - such as a a trip to a museum, historic place or some fun science experiments? (Loads of simple ones on YouTube which are fascinating and easy to do at home, making slime for example).

Praise her for her efforts, even if they seem relatively small compared to how things were in Sept. It sounds like she's slipped back a fair but so it might be baby steps for a while but this should all be encouraged - all kids love praise and recognition.

Good luck!!

holiholiholidays · 12/07/2022 21:46

Thank you matchaleaf, lots of good pointers and things to think about.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread