15 year old extremely defiant at school

[Notadoormat]

My 15 year old DS has been suspended three times in the last month and is refusing to even attempt his Mock papers. No amount of talking/ threats etc seemed to work. Behaviour has never been good at school but got worse and worse in the last two years. Lots of stupid behaviour but also rude and defiant. Both myself and husband are educators so even worse for us. Husband took early retirement due to health issues and is trying to sort DSs issues with him. DS is not academic but not stupid just does not want to do any academic work. School he is in is very strict and academic and is probably not a good fit for him but all schools in our area are like that. They threatened him with managed move now but DS still not taking it seriously.

All DS wants to do is hanging out with mates. He has been reasonable about it and keeps to his agreed curfew of 9.30. He also does cadets but skips it at times. Any mention of homework or revision results in WW3 and he gets very nasty and verbally abusive. At school he literally does nothing so they are on his back with detentions and he refuses to go so gets put in isolation or gets suspended. Recently DS has been very nasty to his teachers and trying his hardest to impress some mates and a girl he fancies with his 'bad boy' antiques.

We are trying to gain back control now created a very clear list of expectations and basic rules. It includes doing his homework and catching up with some work over the summer. Will limit his outings once back at school. I am dreading his reaction as starting tomorrow. He seems to think they rules look ok but i suspect the minute we start insisting on work it is going to be a dreadful experience. DS is obstinate like a mule. DH had enough as tried very hard to help him. We would leave the academic side alone but unfortunately his behaviour is very much linked to him not doing the work. He has no SEN issues and can be a polite and very mature lad outside school. Just dreading him been permanently kicked out. Sorry for the long post,

You might struggle to get him some work experience with a tradesman over the summer because of his age (due to their indemnity) but its worth asking. If not, encourage him to take on more shifts at the pizza place - its amazing what earning some money can do.

My DD was exactly like this at school - she didn't attend lessons, spending all her time in the inclusion room. School were really good with her however and there were no threats to move her. They were very inclusive (even on the days when she kept sodding off from school). She did no work or revision in Yr 11 (other than drawing in the inclusion room) and left with no GCSE's.

However, as soon as she left school she got an apprenticeship and was a changed child. She loves going to work (and earning money) and fits so much better into the adult workplace than she did in the school environment.

Try stressing to him that although he wants to go into a non-academic career the competition is still quite fierce for apprenticeships and if an employer has 20 kids to choose from they are more likely to go to the ones with good references from school so its important to toe the line for the last year at school.

Also, most trade-apprenticeships that you apply to through college will want five GCSEs incl Maths and Eng Lang at grade 4 or higher. Is there any chance that he could go to college for some of the week? Many will take 14-16 year olds but school has to facilitate it.You could ask for him to have a careers interview- every state school has to provide impartial advice - see what the school’s offer is.
I teach so many teens, mainly boys, like this. What I would also add is that they do mature a lot in Yr 11, they receive less kudos and affirmation for disrupting lessons when others are more aware of the grades needed for the next step and he will shortly have the holiday to reset. Having a clear plan where he knows the grades he needs etc and when to apply for college will concentrate his mind. The old advice about going for walks/ a drive when you want to talk about this stuff works too. I would also suggest the carrot as well as the stick - incentivise catching up/ other positive behaviours and give him a short-term goal to aim for. Best of luck!