Older boyfriend

[user678009]

DD 17 is dating a man of 28.

I know legally there's nothing wrong as she is over the age of consent but just wish she had a bf closer to her own age.
Anyone else DD had a bf with a big age gap?

I can understand you being concerned @user678009 but no, I've not got experience.

18 year old DD has just split up with Bf of 26. So not quite such an age gap but similar. I think it's rather a big gap, but not all that much you can do about it tbh other than encouraging her to keep up with other friends and not see this as something worth making sacrifices for. I was quite pleased when DD split up with the bf if I'm honest. I think he was really immature, which was probably why he went for such a young gf. We had a conversation when I was saying how you look at age gap relationships differently as you get older. As the young gf you just think you're mature and attractive and that's why they've gone for you, obviously. When you're older and men your own age are saying younger girls you tend to see the inequality in it and realise they're doing it because younger girls are more easily impressed/less demanding. But they won't see that at the time. Asking DD what she would think of boys her age dating a 14 year old and why they might do that could be revealing.

I was the teenage girl who had a much older bf. Looking back my mum was brilliant, she supported my choice of boyfriend, had him over to the house. Crucially, when it was intense she encouraged me to see my friends more, no be so dependent. He ended up being quite posessivs. We
We’ve talked about it 20 yrs later & she just felt that if she forbade it, i would have pushed further to be with him & she did not want me to forgo uni or give up opportunities for him. As she predicted, as soon as i went to uni i lost interest. For my mum it was an arduous 2years.

my dad on the other hand, hated him. Met him for the first time & grilled him on why a 26 yr old man wanted to be in a relationship with a 16 year old. Bf didnt have an answer.

when i got to 26 it creeped me out to think of my guy friends being in a relationship with a 16yr old. Now i have children of my own, not sure i would play the long game like my mum did.

i think try & maintain a open conversation with her, don't be too critical. Discourage an intense relationship or giving ug may fizzle out.

I have a 19 year old dd (20 in 2 weeks) who is seeing an older man - he is 33. They have been seeing each other for around 6 months but things have gotten a little more serious over the last couple of months - before that it was just really more of a seeing each other occasionally thing. I know that he has struggled with his feelings towards her because of her age - he was quite open with me about that when we all went out for a meal and a couple of drinks together about 4 months ago. Their friends don't seem to have any concerns about an age gap - it just is what it is.

They have known each other for around 3 years as she used to work for him and then met up again just before xmas when she was out in town. I hadn't met him but knew of him as he is a relative (by marriage) of one of my work colleagues.

We have now met him a few times and my dh and I do like him (rather begrudgingly admitted by dh as he expected to hate him). He treats her nicely and they do seem to get on really well. They have joint friends of all ages and also have their own separate friends. They do spend a reasonable amount of time apart as they both have their own interests (he football, she her horse). She does tend to stay over at his more than she is at home at the moment. He has just been away on a lads holiday and she is off on a girls holiday next month. There seems to be no possessiveness in the relationship - which would definitely ring alarm bells with me. They give each other space and are just taking things slowly from what I can gather from dd. (I don't ask about the relationship, she does tend to volunteer information if she wants me to know).

Whilst I think life would be easier if she had a partner who was a similar age I don't have a huge hangup over it. My sister's partner is 20 years older than her (she 52, he 72 - they have been together around 28 years), one of my friends is 55 and her husband 70 and a couple we see in the pub got together when she was 18 and he 31 - which was at least 20 years ago.

I think the main thing is to keep communication open. Invite him round for dinner or go out for a meal. Don't make him into something that she has to be secretive about - it will make him much more appealing!

If its going to turn into a long term relationship it will, if it isn't then it wont but keep him as your friend and not an enemy.

@user678009 there’s a reason why this 28yo man can’t get a woman his own age. He wants someone young, naive and easily manipulated into his ideal woman. Your Dd is still a child. I’m 26 and if I saw someone aged 23+ with an 18yo then I would think they were a creep. I think large age gaps are only okay if the younger person is in their late 20s or older. Someone in their mid 20s shouldn’t be with a teen, let alone late 20s.

If I made the law then such relationships would be illegal, but they are not at present. I agree that encouraging your DD to retain her own interests and friendships may be the best thing to do.

The half plus seven rule seems to be a sensible one.