Daugther has suicide thoughts and SS

[SaduB]

Hi

Really hoping someone can give me advice. I have 3 kids, oldest is 15 and has started to have suicdal thoughts and says she is suffering from depression. We have never noticed and she has never told us before. She says her friends at school and boyfriend are going through the same issues and they support each other.
This has caught us by surprise as we like to think we are bringing them up in a loving house, giving them things they need, etc.
however she says it started during lock down and beacuse she feels we don't tell her we love her and that we favour the younger child over her and the 2nd child.
I admit we are not as expresive in our love for the older 2 but thats beacuse they are teens now and it looked to us like they wanted to be on thier phones and computers, etc
Given her thoughts and wanting to help her we are thinking of going to the GP and getting her referred for mental support/help to get through these issues. However I am very scarred that social services will get involved and possibly take away/have impact on the younger two kids also

Ive never been in this situation or had anyone I know go through this. Therefore really hoping that anyone that has had experiance in this can advice:

• will social services get involved (even though we are bring them up in a loving home, providing everything they need, etc)
• will there be any impact on the other two kids

-is it best to go to the GP to get referral or elsewhere

• any advice on experiances of handling this yourself and what you found helped

Im really hoping you can all help with your experiances and help me though this

Thanks in advance

My DSD is similar. Self harms is in a group of friends that all have issues. SS were involved due to relationship issues with her mum but only briefly to deal with the initial issue. We've been through a rollercoaster however she's joined the gym this week.

We also parent her differently and yes there has been an impact on her brother so important that all children have their own time with you.

Get her appt with gp
Call young minds

Why would ss need to take anyone away? They wont even be looking at that unless there is neglect or abuse or violence

Thanks ArnoldBee for sharing your experiance. Can i ask if it caused SS to discuss taking away any of the kids, etc? My worst nightmare is that they think we are bad parents, caused this and then take all my kids away from me/us.
We really did not know of an issue and are looking after them the best we can

www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline-and-webchat/

Talk to your Gp and ask for a referral to CAMHS

the Gp will be able to provide help lines she can access

pay for counselling for her

ask her what she would like to do with you and seperstoy your husband and ensure you both spend alone time with her daily .. walking, baking, watching a Netflix series 1:1, full attention and no small children

SS will not be worried about your younger children if you are accessing appropriate care for your older child. That demonstrates you care for your children.

Any MH issue in the family impacts on the other children but you can manage and reduce this by being aware of it. The impact of not supporting the MH issue in the older child is likely to be worse than the issues that come from addressing it.

You may really struggle to access support via the GP. You should talk to the GP and to school but the reality is that services are very stretched so I would start by thinking about what you can do yourself to make even 5% difference. If your DD is talking about suicide you must take this incredibly seriously straight away. I would speak to school and the GP in the morning.

You can do lots for your DD starting now - you can give her a hug, tell her you are so grateful she has told you as these feelings can be reduced with the right interventions. Tell her you are going to get her help and tell her that she is a huge priority for you.

Thanks cestlavielife.

Ive never experianced anything like this and I guess I am jumping to negative conclusions. No there has not been any abuse/violence or neglect.
Im not sure why she has it that she thinks we dont love her - she said its beacuse we dont say 'i love you'. Although we are always ensuring she eats properly, give her what ever she needs/asks for, take her out, give her weekly pocket money, etc. So a real shock to us at the moment. I guess thats why Im scrambling around at the monent as this has taken me by surprise

Op social services will have nothing to do with this. Sadly if you Google cahms waiting lists and uk youth mental health crisis you will discover that huge numbers of teenagers are suffering like this.

Your problem is going to be finding anyone..medical or otherwise..who cares even slightly about your daughter. The idea thsr anyone in authority or social services will get involved is tragically the opposite of the truth.

Good luck. I think I'd say pay for private help of yolu can afford it.

Lookjng after dc means going to gp when they need help for physical or mental health

So call.gp and get an appt for her

Why do you think ss will swoop in? What hss happened to make you scared of ss ? It does not make sense

Not seeking help is neglectful

Seeking help for dd is doing the right thing

Thanks all. Im not sure why all negative thoughts are coming into my mind. My priority for now is to get my daugther the help she needs.
I will talk to GP in the morning

No nothing like thar at all. There were concerns about her mother but much of it was all about what she wanted so no contact with her mum for example. It seemed they were happy with our response to the situation and couldn't wait to get rid of her off their books. She also used kooth.com. To be honest our concern is that her and her friends seemed to want to be labelled rather than accept they are teens going through some changes. She's in a trans/lgbtq+ obsessive group. Pretty much most of it seems to be about attention and trying to fit in. She's even stopped going to "gay club' as she calls it as she doesn't need that attention now. She used it before as a way to get attention from.her mum. She sometimes self harms - not like she did before but we're very practical about it and straight forward. She's angry her mum.doesnt even acknowledge it. Great you want to get help but be aware it's a long road and may even get rejected by Camhs so much of ours has been things we do thst seemed to have worked so far.

If your DD is talking to you that is a good start. Go and tell her you love her. Say you hoped your actions showed your love but you are happy to say it too as you love her very much.

Being 15 can feel rotten, it doesn't have to be anything you've done or not done.

Hand hold . Yes young minds.
You are not alone fifty per cent at least of young people have suffered similar due to pandemic and aftermath.

Hang in there.

My daughter attempted suicide a year ago, social services have never been involved. She was hospitalised for 3 nights. We are still waiting to be allocated a camhs 'point of contact'. She had already been on the camhs waiting list for 6 months so it's been 18 months in total. Services are severely underfunded.

In case anyone asks, yes, contact them regularly to make sure she hasn't been forgotten. They just tell me that there is nobody available.

Thank you all so so much for your advice, experiances and support. It has taken my negative thoughts away and I can see what needs doing more clearly.
I will try to get a referal and speak to her school tomorrow and do everything we can to also help. Thank you all so much again