Should I tell DS we're trying for a baby?

[RubyBean]

Hi ladies, I've not posted before but would like to hear some of your thoughts on what to do! I'm 39 and my DS is almost 14y, his dad and I split when he was 2 and I have been with DP (he's 33) for 7years, he doesn't have any children. I have always wanted 2 or 3 children but due to work/bereavement/mental health/covid etc we only started trying last year (been 14months with no luck but that's another issue) We often mentioned to DS about having a brother or sister when he was younger and he's never been keen on the idea but now he's older I don't know wether we should discuss it with him? Part of me thinks I should so he is prepared, the other part thinks will it make it worse if he asks us not to then we do it anyway? I don't want him to feel excluded like we're starting a new family! Help 

No! What will you do if he's dead set against? It's not his decision. There's no doubt it would be tough on him, but don't let him think he's being consulted just to ignore him. Plus no teenager needs that image!

Absolutely no. He doesn’t need to know and what if it doesn’t happen - he’d either be pleased or disappointed and neither is great!

Just support him if and when it happens

You want to tell your 14 year old you’re having unprotected sex? Good god no.

No! As pp said, he won't want that image in his head! Plus, he'll have 9 months to prepare if you do fall pregnant.

Why on earth would you?! I cannot understand the thought process behind that.

I dint think you need to discuss your sex life with your DS
Sounds like he won’t take it well if it does happen

Nooooooo !!! He doesn’t need to know !

No- what an over sharing with a teen !

To get a baby you need to have sex. No teenager wants to imagine their parents having sex.

Thankyou! I was talking to a friend about it a few weeks ago and she asked it we had talked to him about it then looked shocked when I said I hadn't! This has put my mind at rest as I've been stressing over it ever since 🙄

No. No teenager wants to be reminded that their parent is having sex. Plus what if he says he doesn't want a sibling? Are you going to change your plans because he doesn't want a sibling. He'll have many months to get used to the idea of having a younger sibling when you're pregnant.

No! Don't say anything to him. No teenager wants to think about their parents having sex.

I was talking to a friend about it a few weeks ago and she asked it we had talked to him about it then looked shocked when I said I hadn't!

Your friend is mad.

Whether your son is 4, 14, 24, 34 or 44 it is none of his business if you or his dad decide to have more children. It is only his business when the child(ren) is born, adopted or whatever.

Jesus. I heard of people consulting their kids about what sort of car to buy, and I thought THAT was crackers! Some people really do tell their kids far too much. No your son doesn't need to know any of this. As others have said, it's not his decision and not his responsibility. I think it would be very hard on him having a tiny baby and then a toddler in the house, so don't expect him to be thrilled if it does happen

No. He will be mortified!

I agree not to mention it, but you do need to prepare yourself that his is not going to be at all easy for him. He is at such a tough age and may well be quite emotional and angry about it. I'm not saying that will happen, hopefully it won't, but I do think you should think about how you will help him see the baby as a positive rather than a reason he won't be able to do or have certain things he wants (teenagers can be quite self focused). Good luck with it all.

I don't see the point of potentially upsetting him before you know it's going to happen any time soon. Your fertility journey might not be straightforward (saying this as someone needing IVF at 38).

It's probably worth considering going private for fertility investigations, if you haven't already thought about it. I don't know how long NHS referrals are taking these days but I suspect too long.

Wishing you all the very best x