Ds smoking weed and drinking

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Hi all, I have another thread about ds where his behaviour started to change when he got his first girlfriend, now he and his gf split up as she kissed another boy so he was heartbroken, then this Monday he came home and was stoned, although he said he was tired on tue he had been drinking and yesterday he came home at 10pm stoned again I'm at my wits end. I'm at work he is meant to be grounded but still goes out. Yesterday I went to his ex gf to look for him she told me he lies alot to her and is vapeing and smoking weed a lot. he is 14 he is obsessed with her and said she dosent love him which is why he is the way he is. He goes through good stages then does this again. Spoke to school last time and they said keep eye on him but he has been OK now gone worse.
Nothing I say has any effect on him and he is drifting away please help.

Should I ring school without his knowledge again? And or docs as something in his brain is just not reasoning at the min and I'm just walking around with sinking feeling I my stomach at all times. I have 3 other children my oldest 2 are brilliant but my younger one I feel is seeing ds behaviour and will start copying it

Just found nudes if his girlfriend on his phone. a lot of them. Have deleted them all. He went off in a huff again today and I rang his girlfriend who he is back witj as he had gone to her, she calmed him down and talked to him a bit. I'm disgusted and very disappointed in him.

I'm at my wits end now been to doctors with him and they didn't really help rang the school they keeping eye on him. He is out of control now.

He’s 14 and he’s drinking and getting stoned? Take away the means for it- the money and the freedom to do it

I monitor his spending and have taken to doing spot checks on him, it's his shouting screaming and running off that scares me aswell and what I found on his phone disgusts me. He says he does all this for independence which I don't give him apparently although he had been out all weekend. I remind him he is 14 but he has now done this 3 times if he dosent get his way he runs off ! Hes 6ft 1 and uses his size to intimidate. The nudes of his gf were very explicit

It sounds like he is trying to find ways to cope with what he is going through emotionally. Perhaps let him know that he has lots of support with you and there are other ways to exhaust emotions maybe other than suppressing them? He is a teenager and boys have a stigma around opening up which doesn’t help. He has social media too which feeds an unhealthy lifestyle and at that age or any age, you always think you know everything and know it all. I did at 14! I look back and realise I knew nothing, it comes with time. The nudes and trying to act older than they are is so common these days as disgusting as it is, it’s not just him

How old is the GF? He could be in serious trouble with the photos

His gf is 15 he has turned from a sweet boy into a horrible teenager trying to use his size to intimidating everyone. I really don't like him at the moment. He msgs other girl with so much disrespect and disgusting words he's not the boy I brought up. Yesterday he scared his sisters and kicked his younger sister although he saying it was accident. he is out of control I can't cope with him any more

Hi I just wanted to say I am going through a hard time with my teen too. It's hard and there is no help out there. No advice but just wanted to say keep talking.

@Meltinthemiddle hope your ok, I just am at my wits end with him, I know I shouldn't go through his phone and give him privacy but he just lies so much now and at 14 is doing things that he shouldn't be doing. How old is your teen? Just hoping this behaviour will come to an end at some point.

My ds is 17 he started going off the rails at 16. He has changed so much. He skips college and has now dropped out, smokes week, lies and steals. I don't know the answers I really don't and some days I feel like running away as I can't deal with the stress, worry and anxiety of it all not knowing how it will turn out. I've tried everything and accepted any support going to help him but ultimately he now has to help himself. I want to kick him out but he will have no where to go. The amount of times I've gotlne to pack his stuff 😔

It's awful @Meltinthemiddle I feel hopeless but then think he's 14 nearly 15 and this is definitely not how he was brought up. He's nasty now and disrespectful. He knows right from wrong. I take hope from others who have said they do eventually grow out if it.

Yes, explicit photos of a 15 year old girl is child pornography. Have you explained this to him OP?

@JorisBonson I haven't was to shocked, have not really spoken much to him today can't look at him. I deleted the whole file he had. Felt sick. It's just another thing I did not expect. Will sit him down and explain

Had a conversation with him about the pics on his phone he just does not get it. Went to run off again and said he's a 14 year old boy with hormones and dosent want to be here in this House anymore. I really dislike him more and more each day. Especially since he acts so clever I don't think I'm ever going to see him as my son again the little boy who was just so loving and innocent. He makes me feel sick now.