Teen with no friends - would you consider moving schools at this point?

[busybeeee222]

My dd is in year 10 so will be doing her gcse's next year. She has struggled with friends the whole time in the school she is in. She has a friend or is part of a group for a while but never really feels like she fits in, then she makes new friends and the same thing seems to happen. She has never made any solid friends.

She goes to clubs out of school and makes friends fine and is friends with my friends children and that is all fine, so I really don't understands why she struggles so much at school.

She has recently been spending lunchtime in the toilets as she feels so lonely and embarrassed.

I'm wondering if i should move her schools but also I'm worried about doing that has she has her gcse's next year and I know it's massive to move them at this point.

What would you do? My dd is very friendly and speaks with loads of children but just doesn't have people to hang out with and honestly I can see it is making her so sad and she comes home really deflated and just looks really sad. I cant handle it.

What would you do? Would you move her schools for a new start? Or do you think it will be too much at the start of year 11?

It is highly unlikely another school will take her, schools don’t like taking pupils this late. Plus will any have space? I would leave her as in any new school friendships will be set in stone by now and kids will be focused on exams so socialising a bit less over the next year. She can move for 6th form.

We moved DD, although in year 9, she was being bullied though and had no friends to turn to as her self esteem was rock bottom, she didn’t think anyone liked her. Spending time in the toilets is not good for their mental health, DD spent time in the loos, at lunch and whole classes, think about being in that toilet cubicle waiting for the time to pass, that’s what got me in the end I’m afraid. She moved to a much smaller school, made new friends within days, has a best friend, and hangs out with a group at break. I did think it could be my DD but the school move proved it wasn’t. I came to the conclusion that she was so unhappy she wasn’t going to do well at school if we’d left her where she was so we may as well move, but this was before she started GCSE’s.

Of course schools will take her. Pupils arrive in and leave schools all the time. My friends who are teachers have kids turn up throughout the school.year.

My sister was a bit like this at school and got agreement to go home every lunchtime for lunch. We lived very close to school so it only took about 10 minutes each way and it gave her the break she needed.

I can’t agree with this more. I have a son who spends his break and lunch in the library and he is happy. He’s met another quiet boy there and they sit together.

@Lunificent - thank you for the information, I will check it out.

@Lulumo yes my dd has no problems with school work just friendships.

I think realising that ASD is a social communication issue is helpful. If you listening to a two way conversation of a NT child versus an ASD child the difference is really noticeable. Girls mask a lot many times the point it’s extremely hard to diagnose.

Can you give some more information on the differences?

@waterrat I have been contacting schools and it is very hard to get places (we live in london so all schools are over subscribed)

The school are very un helpful. They said they would give her a pass for the quiet room then said that is not available this week due to staffing issues. The teacher said she can sit in his classroom a few days this week but not on other days.

Dd has been hanging out with some people the last couple of days but yesterday was the girl that had been very mean to her. Today she was hanging around with the noy she is friends with but she feels awkward hanging around with his group as she is the only girl and they don't speak to her much so she feels like she is tagging along.

It seems the above are her only options apart from sitting alone in the playground reading as the school cannot provide this pass for the quiet room and do not have a library.

@MuddlerInLaw I strongly agree with you comments about, they are making the children complete outsiders by not having a library or lunchtime activities.

If school aren't being helpful maybe a move is best for her. Yes it's gcse year, but IMO happiness is more important than that, GCSEs can be resat, not ideal but not the end of the world and if she's academically ok, she'll probably pass anyway. Mental health is harder to 'resit'. The damage can be longer lasting.

Maybe find some alternative school options and go and visit and see how it feels. Do any of her out of school mates go to a school she could move to, so she already knows someone and has a friend there?