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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How to get teenager to revise?

25 replies

redblonde · 19/06/2022 21:24

My daughter is year 10 and has had one GCSE this year. She did some revision for it but not as much as I’d hoped. In her year 10 exams she did revise but only at the last minute as done subjects definitely got missed. We had a “spirited discussion” this evening on my expectations of work next year. She has mocks before Christmas and I said I’d expect her to do an hour of work a night from Sep - she has said no way. She says “no one else’s parents push like hers do” and we are damaging our relationship with her by pushing her so hard. I don’t feel we push that hard - we encourage her so much and she leaves stuff till the last moment (which I do recognise is standard teen behaviour!) but now I’m having doubts.

Should I just back off? Let her do what she wants in Sep? I can’t make her work, only encourage her. Help - this parenting lark gets harder and harder!

OP posts:
snowmanshoes · 19/06/2022 22:10

Honestly an hour revision each night from September will lead to burn out. She will have many exams/mocks throughout which will keep her up to date and then the natural from Easter hols onwards extra study I think is more reasonable.

2pinkginsplease · 19/06/2022 22:12

Yip back off. Express how important her exams are especially if she has an idea of what she wants to do after school as she may need certain grades to be able to do this.

ypu can’t force a teenager to study. They need to take some control.

I did offer a cash incentive for their exam grades.

Discovereads · 19/06/2022 22:22

Just leave her to it and back off. You can’t make them revise and even if they do sit down with study materials in front of them for how ever long you dictate, there is no guarantee it will stick or help their grades. This is the age they need to self motivate and revise in whatever way works best for them.

Headunderthecovers · 19/06/2022 22:31

Having a Year 11 taking GCSEs at the moment I would stick with the flexible ‘hour’ a day scenario, as there’s a lot of subjects at GCSE and it’s hard to give them equal attention.
Realistically she can’t do an hour a day if she has lots of homework that evening, so it’s looking at this with her once she gets into Year 11. Even 15 mins a day helps.

Revision ‘light’ that has worked for my ds has been watching Free Science Lessons/ My GCSE science/Physics Online videos. English Lit wise Stacey Reay and Mr Salles/ Mr Bruff for English Language. He likes History and Geography and watches things anyway on these by himself. RS it was textbook/CGP revision books.

I genuinely didn’t feel just watching things would work, but he refuses to do notes a lot of the time so at least it’s something. For Science he’s been getting 8-9 grades, so it must do something as those particular resources online are excellent . Maths I got a tutor to help him through the harder questions on past papers and this was really useful in him just not giving up when the question got tougher.
Making revision notes when they have end of unit tests is really key, especially in the content heavy subjects such as Literature and Science- there’s no time nearer the end of Year 11.
Just helping them find the way to revise that works for them as an individual .
I made him do condensed notes and computer mind maps initially ,which he didn’t like, but drawing topic notes onto a big A3 poster and flash cards work for him - which is the opposite of my dd.
The main thing is it’s a waste of energy (and argumentative) to enforce too much time- as they just won’t work (my dd used to hide her phone under a textbook!).

For A levels I’m planning to get him a new comfy chair and desk area to work- so maybe organising the area as she would like might be a motivator.

Making sure there’s a balance between what she wants to do (my ds would game all day and night)and what she needs to do.

I think it really helped me sitting down at the weekend and watching things with him and discussing them. I did most of his poetry notes as even though we watched things together he had no decent notes (he lost his Year 10 poetry notes and his school ones were not up to much). I felt just typing the summaries up then talking them through saved him from not doing it as English isn’t something he likes. I eventually made him character and theme summary cards on Romeo and Juliet and An Inspector Calls as I like reading and could bring together his notes and revision resources into a more useful summary, so it wasn’t so overwhelming in a subject he doesn’t like. I did not do any of this with my dd as there was no need.

If this seems a bit overkill I just think of it as me plugging the gaps and organising him. So giving him the resources.

Ultimately they have to want to do well themselves. There’s quite a high reward factor in education in doing well, but it’s hard to see that when you’re a teenager.

And ‘other parents’ always in your teen’s version let their kids stay up until midnight on their phone and are completely non pushy.
It really very much depends on the personality of your dd and what works for her though!

ThatLibraryMiss · 19/06/2022 22:38

She says “no one else’s parents push like hers do”

Oh, bless. I'm sure everyone else's parents lets them stay out till midnight during the week and 3 am on weekends, go clubbing, have their boyfriend to stay overnight, gives them lifts at all hours of the day and night, drink and smoke and gives them £100/week pocket money too. You're ruining her life! [Slams door, huffs.] You're soooo unreasonable.

[I was unreasonable too. Except it turned out that I wasn't, and most other parents were doing pretty much what I was.]

As for the revision: contact the school and ask them what they recommend. They may be running after-school revision sessions in Y11. Making sure she goes to those will really help her. They may also mention in her end-of-year report whether she needs to do more.

redblonde · 19/06/2022 23:04

Thank you all for quick replies and for making me feel better about the old “other parents” line!

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 20/06/2022 20:58

@Headunderthecovers your tips sound very helpful, DS is in year 10 and I’ve taken note of your tips. He has exams at the moment and I must have been blinking when the revision, which he swears he’s been doing, actually happened.

MerryMarigold · 20/06/2022 21:04

Mine is Y11 in the middle of GCSEs. We did a revision timetable for mocks over Xmas hols - 4 hours per day, lots of breaks. He then had a long break from 'extra revision' (as opposed to revision school set for homework) until Easter. We went away for about 5 days and then he had a timetable again of 4 hours per day. This continued in half term and over study leave. He's now reaching the end of GCSEs and definitely burning out. You need to work out with your DD what will work best for her, bit I wouldn't start going on about it now. The pressure is pretty prolonged and intense.

Dominuse · 20/06/2022 21:08

A lovely work desk and computer and fairy lights and distinct zones within her room - work and chill.

I have a hard two hours each night have done since year 8- revision but bitesize counts as does really a good novel and watching a documentary or playing duo lingo etc and nothing on weekends- it works well. Mine is in year 10 and did one gcse in year 9 and has done 3 GCSEs this year and one a level

Dominuse · 20/06/2022 21:09

I have to say she’s done 4 hours tonight but it’s exam week this week and currently she’s outside watering the plants and then chill in the loungers outside and then bed

RaraRachael · 20/06/2022 21:10

Shut them in their room and tell them they can come down for a 15 minute break and an hour's lunch break.

Seriously this is what my mother made me do 😥

summermornings · 20/06/2022 21:17

I’m aghast, that’s some serious snowplough parenting @Headunderthecovers

I mean it’s impressive and I’m sure it will get him good grades but you’re deep into the over parenting trap which you will find difficult to get out of because he will rely on it to succeed.

funkystars123 · 20/06/2022 21:18

My son is just finishing year 11 and his GCSE's.

He won't/ hasn't revised very much and my experience was that the more I push him the more he uses the pressure excuse.

He needs to learn his own way and we are here when he needs us but I found the more I pushed the less he did.

My daughter is currently about to go into yr 10... she is already planning about her revision tatics..

Different kids that need a different approach... I have struggled with feeling I should be doing more- getting him to do more but at this age it has to come from them..,

It's so tough this teenage stuff!

MsOllie · 20/06/2022 21:20

My poor mum gave up when she found me propping my foot up on my revision guides to paint my toenails Blush

LongPath · 20/06/2022 21:29

I found backing off was the only answer. They still didn't do as much as I'd like, but it did improve when I left them too it and she's right, it was ruining our relationships. Plus the more I pushed the more determined they were not to do it.

They're 19 & 21 now, didn't get the results they were capable of (imo) but they got "enough" and are making their way.

LongPath · 20/06/2022 21:31

You can shut them in their rooms, if you must but you can't make them use that time productively.

RaraRachael · 20/06/2022 21:54

LongPath · 20/06/2022 21:31

You can shut them in their rooms, if you must but you can't make them use that time productively.

I wouldn't have dared not spend the time revising as the consequences of my mother's wrath were too great.

Show what a shit upbringing I had and why I grew up to hate her.

Cantstopsneezing2022 · 20/06/2022 23:16

So interesting reading the different ‘extremes’ and ideas here.
I have a reluctant reviser (but only year 8).
I actually love/d revision and it frustrates me that she won’t get her head down but she doesn’t seem that bothered by results. I’m hoping there’s still time for her to develop better habits

Headunderthecovers · 21/06/2022 16:45

Love the snowplough parenting description . It’s true!
But this comes from a place of laissez faire in Year 6/7 due to life circumstances and ds being in the bottom set (set 8) for science with disruption in class and minor level bullying.
I was shocked when he failed his English SAT also in Year 6 and despite these apparently not mattering his GCSE grades were all predicted to be 4-/+. He is now working at 6+ to 9 in all subjects.
My intervention was initially to get him out of the bottom science set and somehow it worked on end of unit test results enough to move up through the sets to Set 1 by the end of Year 9.

I realised he actually was massively underachieving through being disorganised and not focusing so I could help him a lot. I am sat here on a beautiful day currently watching a My GCSE physics video with him about The National Grid 😁

Obviously this wouldn’t work with an already stressed child. He absolutely will not do last minute cramming, as he has no sense of worry about any exam and has therefore the pushing to work throughout the year is key.

I’m a single parent working FT, so there’s probably an element of guilt as well in me feeling I should do more.

Interestingly in my work life I supervise graduates through a professional postgraduate qualification and often have to be ‘pushy’ with them as even at this level they struggle !

Really fascinating to see how extreme my approach is seen to be in the scale of teenage parenting.

TeenPlusCat · 21/06/2022 16:52

My DD1 was willing but a disorganised dyspraxic. I too got very involved in the revision because at 15 she couldn't see the wood for the trees, and her attention drifted off. A lot of revision we did 1-1 and I also wrote the revision cards as she couldn't 'see' what information was key and what wasn't.

Then she did a more suitable course afterwards at college with no exams.

MercurialMonday · 22/06/2022 13:09

I think it must depend on the child.

I have to back off with DD1 and whether she does enough isn't clear she incredibly fussy with resources as well - with DS he's better with on-line marked quizzes work books and having someone sat next to him making sure he's not distracted or sat working.

He can also get overwhelmed - with number of subjects and having to switch between them and amount - his last exam was with a subject where a lot of last minute revision stuff was dumped on him last minute and as he had other exams - he can just stop entirely like a rabbit in the headlights. He also struggles to pull information out of resources and summarise - though with support that's improving.

I don't think having set times to study will help - I know DS spent a lot of time dicking around with seneca and switching to it when we went into his room to check from other things. He did realised the seneca wasn't enough when he came to do the work books with topic questions and past exam questions.

My aim was more to teach him how to effectively revise - though with Y11 exams and shear number he may well need further support but to be backed off by A-levels.

Remmy123 · 23/06/2022 08:36

I'd love the answee.

my 13 year old has year 8 assessments and isn't revising at all despite my nagging.

year 7 I actually wrote our revision cards for him and helped him revise and he did well. However, I want him to do it and I'm at a point where I'm thinking 'why am I bothering'

he isn't bothered so why should I it's very difficult for me to get him motivated to want to do it. It's exhausting.

I have a child who is capable of so much more but has zero interest

Rafferty10 · 23/06/2022 08:48

My DD is just finishing her GCSEs...last one today...

Her school have been brilliant at motivating her, and most of her friends are ambitious so that has really helped.

She has done on average 1.5 to 2 hours of homework/revision every schoolday and about 4//5 hours at the weekend for year 11..also 4 hours a day, 4/5 days a week in holiday times..it has been driven by her so that is great, in fact she worries she has not done enough...we have not pushed at all but supported and been interested daily, and stressed the importance of fun and balance..

my DS will not be anything like that motivated and l will step in ,,, having seen the effort required by a capable ( but not brilliant pupil) I realise to achieve decent GCSEs in 11 subjects requires a lot of study..He will need much more help, motivation etc...
.I do agree they need to learn to self motivate, but part of making them keep going, is teaching the important life lesson that some things require a slog to get where you want to be..if they do not learn to persist in difficult subjects, or those that do not interest them, how will they ever be able to build a career or hold down a job...rarely does any job not have elements that are boring, dull or difficult.

MercurialMonday · 23/06/2022 10:23

he isn't bothered so why should I it's very difficult for me to get him motivated to want to do it. It's exhausting.

It's not easy to re-take GCSE where we are - English and maths are possible but it's much easier if they get decent results first time for everyone including us.

MerryMarigold · 23/06/2022 11:36

@Headunderthecovers I am sat here on a beautiful day currently watching a My GCSE physics video with him about The National Grid

My son just came back from his physics paper (last GCSE!), and had a question on the national grid. I thought of you and hoped your son was sitting Edexcel!

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